


Fall of the Eleventh

by ShaViva



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Doctor Who?, Episode: s04e08 Silence in the Library, Episode: s04e09 Forest of the Dead, F/M, Fields of Trenzalore, Gallifrey, The Silence, The first question
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-01
Updated: 2013-03-21
Packaged: 2017-11-19 23:51:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 59,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/578995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShaViva/pseuds/ShaViva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor has been running his whole life … from the fields of Trenzalore and from the Fall of the Eleventh. The motives of The Silence were clear … his death at any cost. When others emerge with different goals the Doctor discovers that what he should have considered is this. Who wants him to go to Trenzalore, and why?</p><p>River/Eleventh fic, features appearances by Amy and Rory.</p><p>Takes place in Season 7, after The Angels Take Manhattan. AU because I'm not considering this year's Christmas episode nor anything to do with the Doctor's new companion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for: Minor spoilers for everything Eleventh Doctor/River related, particularly The Angels Take Manhattan, The Wedding of River Song, Doctor Who: P.S. (by Chris Chibnall), and Night and the Doctor: First Night/Last Night. Spoilers for Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead too. Minor spoilers for The End of the World Pt1/2.
> 
> Acknowledgements: to wikipedia and the Doctor Who wiki in particular where I always found something interesting when I needed it. This is particularly true when researching events and characters linked to Gallifrey. If you see something familiar from old Doctor Who, that's where I found it. There was a discussion, I can't recall exactly where now, about the true identity of the Doctor which spawned some of the basic ideas in this story enough that I'd like to give credit.
> 
> Disclaimer: I am unfortunately not associated in any way with the creators, owners, or producers of Doctor Who or any of its media franchises! All publicly recognizable characters, settings, equipment, etc are the property of whoever owns them. Any original characters, plot, settings, and anything else I made up are the property of me, the author. No copyright infringement is intended. Written purely for the love of Doctor Who.
> 
> Copyright (c) 2012 ShaViva
> 
> Author's Note:
> 
> This story was written for NaNoWriMo this year, so it's complete. Just needs me to edit each chapter before posting, which I'll be doing every few days (or faster if I feel inspired.) Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> (Concurrently being posted on fanfiction.net and livejournal.)

Not everyone born on Gallifrey was a Time Lord. It wasn't a racial trait or an inheritance. It was a choice, and not one to be made lightly because once done, the choice could not be undone. The children of Gallifrey all had the potential but more was required. They had to look upon the untempered schism, see all of time that ever was or ever would be, and hold their ground. If they could handle that then they could handle the responsibility of being protectors of time.

Sometimes the choice was a surprise, the child showing only a glimmer of talent before it was time to be tested. Sometimes the expectation was a given … the mantle of Time Lord in training waiting to be bestowed because it seemed always that it must be so. Such was the case for the one who would be known as The Doctor.

Theta, as he was called by his friends in his youth, went along with what was expected because, well, it was what was expected. He'd always known it and truthfully, he gave it very little thought – what he might actually find when the day came that he'd stand before the ring and cast his eyes upon the gap in the fabric of reality to see the vortex for the first time. He was an eight year old boy more interested in adventure and answering the unanswerable questions. Did the seal of Rassilon, said to be on a plaque adorning the ring within which the schism was contained, really have a power of its own or was just a symbol? What would going to the Time Lord Academy really be like? Would he finally be able to please himself much more than he ever could under the watchful eye of his parents?

The house of Lungbarrow, his house, held a long and proud tradition in Gallifreyan society and when his mother took her turn at the Loom, Theta was sure she'd used every ounce of her telepathic ability to order up from the genetic extant material contained within the Loom the most obedient and least trouble making child she possibly could. The more he grew, the more Theta realised how stringent the requirements on him were, and the more he just wanted to break out and do as he pleased. He wasn't given to ungrounded fears and was actually looking forward to his turn at the schism because it would mean his life was finally about to change.

When the day finally arrived, Theta travelled beside his fellow academy candidates with a blasé attitude he only later truly appreciated. The old master who awaited them at the bottom of a long flight of steps leading up to the ring was solemn and serious; his voice foreboding as he warned them of what awaited them.

"Young Gallifreyans," he began in a measured, ceremonial tone. "Alone will you each journey up to the ring, and there will you gaze through the untempered schism at the vortex. To fear not at all would be to crawl as a babe, unable to walk or talk or comprehend. Instead, fear enough to understand the three likely outcomes awaiting you at the end of your journey, for the vortex will inspire some even as it spawns flight in others. Beware, for in rare cases the vortex steals minds, leaving only madness behind."

For the first time Theta felt a bit of trepidation. He had no wish to go mad of course, but given that was a rare thing, felt justified in being confident that wasn't going to happen to him. The flight scenario seemed more likely and bothered him more, for what eight year old boy wanted to be scared enough to run away, and in front of his peers at that? No, he'd have to stand his ground regardless of how he felt, and look for that inspiration the old master alluded to being there.

"Candidate Theta, you may proceed," the old master ordered.

Theta took a moment to gather his resolve, before, with a casual nod to his friends, he made his way to the steps. It was a long and increasingly lonely march to the top and despite his efforts his nerves rose with every step he took.

"Don't run," he whispered to himself repeatedly, his steps slowing as he approached the top.

Four fire torches stood at the corners surrounding a large metallic circle that seemed to be suspended in mid-air. Beneath this floating circle, embedded in the ground, was a large disc upon which was engraved the seal of Rassilon. Within the circle itself Theta saw darkness that glowed with midnight blue light and swirled in a circle. At the middle, the swirling became more like a tornado with a centre that seemed to puncture the surface, digging for what lay underneath.

Theta shifted closer, drawn towards that mysterious spinning chasm, unable to look away. He caught sight of brighter lights in the depths but the tornado kept moving, skipping over those lights and then away again. He wanted to see what was there and without being aware of what he was doing, kept creeping forward until he was just a pace away. The schism was there, and as he looked closer and closer, Theta saw the vortex, a mess of ever changing colours that defied description, that crackled with lightning bolts of energy. It was invigorating and scary and mesmerising but the visual element alone was the least of the experience.

No, it was what was going on inside his mind that was the real show. Flashes of scenes that could have happened yesterday or thousands of years ago or in years to come spun across his mind's eye almost too fast for him to register their meaning. Some he recognised and others were so strange to his young mind he could only conclude they were from the future.

"All of time that is, was, and shall be," he reminded himself aloud. He felt the connection, the unlocking of something inside; the ability to understand, with training and practice, what it was he was seeing, and the capacity to comprehend it even when he wasn't standing before the vortex.

As he watched, what he saw took on a menacing edge, death and blood and war and disease and pain and cruelty … it was a never ending spiral of pictures from across time and across galaxies as if all that was worthy of commenting on as far as existence went was what made it dark and depressing and rubbish. He hated what he saw and had no wish to see more … his hearts were thumping madly in his young chest and he wanted to cry out for the disappointment of the nightmare presented to him. Was that all he could hope for, for his future – blood and death and pain?

With a whimper, Theta turned away from the schism, ready to run despite his resolve earlier to do no such thing. He was never sure what made him look back – some previously untapped voice of reason inside compelling him to look again.

He glanced back, still fearful, but the schism was blank. As he watched, other emotions emerged in his mind. Determination, hope, spirit … love. They rose out in an effort to balance the darkness. Behind them were glimpses of someone, a man, wise and kind and honest … his future self perhaps, or someone he could identify with, or even aspire to? Theta still wanted to run but the other side of what he saw was enough to stay his feet, to calm his inner self until he was able to turn away from the untempered schism with far more maturity than he'd greeted it with. His steps away and down the stairs were measured and even until at last he arrived back to the old master's position.

"And what did you see, young Gallifreyan?" the old man queried.

Theta wanted to answer 'death and hope' but he knew that wouldn't go down very well. It wasn't what those at the academy wanted to hear and it would advertise how much he'd wanted to run from the vortex. So instead, he smiled and lied, convincingly. "Inspiration, master," he replied.

"Ah," the old master smiled and nodded as if he'd expected no less. "The house of Lungbarrow will be proud, young Time Lord. The Academy awaits."

The words thrilled him … they called to him of destiny and he embraced it, truly believing that it was meant to be. He was finally on the path to finding his true self.


	2. "You're all right!"

_“To respect the dignity of a relationship also implies accepting the end when it comes. Except in my mind, except in my dreams, where the aftertaste of her still lingers.” André P. Brink_

The TARDIS floated in space, silent … lacking direction. Inside, the Doctor sat in his customary chair across from the main console, staring blankly at the central column in front of him.

River was gone, and not just off having her own adventures this time. Gone, as in post Library, as in lost to him forever. While he couldn’t be one hundred percent certain, it was unlikely that he’d ever see any version of her again - because they’d done Darillium and he remembered, back on that fateful day, her telling him it was the last time she’d seen him.

A small part of him hoped a younger River was still out there, about to call on this him to rescue her. An even larger part fully understood why River had slapped his young face back in Utah after he’d invited her to witness his death. It would be cruel indeed to see River again, knowing that for all intents and purposes she was dead.

“Why didn’t you do something?” he muttered angrily, the question one that had circled in his mind in the weeks since Darillium. It was ridiculous to be so incensed with his younger self, his tenth incarnation, as though that man were an entirely different person he could blame. He wasn’t and the Doctor couldn’t push the guilt he felt far enough away to disclaim it.

Sometimes it made him sick to his stomach, how easily he’d let River take his place in that chair. When the guilt was at its highest he wondered at his own motives. Had River bested him because she was just that good? Or had his tenth self been so scared of what she represented it was easier to let her go than risk himself, his emotions, his _heart_ , when he’d sworn to himself that he’d never go there again? Had she died because there really had been no other way, or had he subconsciously put his emotional well-being ahead of her life? It wasn’t something he’d do now, but then, that different version of himself, he hadn’t known how rare and precious River would be.

The silence inside the TARDIS was oppressive – he desperately needed something to do but for the first time, the Doctor didn’t know where to go next. His recent losses weighed heavily. First Amy and Rory, and then River. She’d refused to travel with him all the time which had hurt enough on its own, more so because of the Library.

Before any of it happened he’d felt time slipping away and been powerless to change it. His best friends had moved on, that’s what it amounted to. They were all living their lives in ways and in places where he couldn’t follow. It was crazy to feel left out but he did.

_“Don’t travel alone.”_

River’s words echoed in his mind and he scowled. “Easier said than done, honey,” he muttered sarcastically. “Can’t just open the TARDIS doors and invite the first person I see to be my companion, now can I?”

It had always been the situations themselves that saw new companions emerge into prominence. They didn’t come knocking on his door begging to be let inside … well, mostly they didn’t. Donna stalked him for months without his being aware and he was sure she _would_ have stormed her way inside the TARDIS if he’d dared to refuse her request to belatedly accept his prior invitation.

No, usually he had to be out there, doing something … which brought him back to the beginning of his current malaise. Where did a Time Lord go when he really had no drive to be anywhere but home where he could wallow in his misery without recrimination?

“What do you say, old girl?” he stood, making his way over to the main controls and resting his hands lightly on the keyboard. “Ready to take me somewhere special? Your choice.” He rarely gave the TARDIS her head because it never ended well … now he quite thought he’d welcome a bad ending.

The central column pulsed, the noise as much a ‘hell yes’ as it would have been if the TARDIS could talk.

The Doctor chuckled weakly. “Right then, have at it.”

He stabbed a finger decisively at the primary button, engaging the engines. The TARDIS shuddered, like a dog shaking off the dullness after a long nap in the sun, before spinning away. The time vortex sucked them in, bouncing them from side to side as the energy pulsed around them like lightning. The Doctor held on, trying to rev himself up to care about where they were going. The ride was rougher than usual but even that wasn’t enough to entice his true interest. When the much loved sound of the TARDIS landing echoed around the room he let out a sigh and then straightened his shoulders determinedly.

“Let’s see where we are,” he announced, forgoing the need to look at the computer screens to check conditions. The TARDIS wouldn’t take him somewhere environmentally unsuitable without warning him and everything else wasn’t important to him. Nothing had been important since River left him for the last time.

Ripping the door open he strode outside, his feet hitting asphalt, his senses assaulted with the sounds of traffic, the noises of a busy street just a few paces away. The TARDIS had landed in a small alleyway, the usual flattened cardboard stacks and trash receptacles along each wall providing concealing cover for the blue police box.

“So … Earth,” he muttered somewhat reluctantly. It wasn’t somewhere he really wanted to be … too much history. The TARDIS must have had a very good reason for bringing him _there_ , of all places.

Walking slowly forward he approached the street until he emerged onto the sidewalk and cast a curious, assessing glance around. Judging by what he could see – the types of cars and what people were wearing – it was the early to mid-nineteen hundreds. Merging with the people walking briskly the Doctor let himself be carried along, the familiarity he was feeling at odds with what he believed to be possible. After a few blocks he found himself outside an establishment that proclaimed itself to be the Waldorf Astoria hotel. 

"No, in couldn't be," the Doctor muttered, glancing around him, bewildered. If he didn't know better, all the evidence suggested he was in New York, but that just wasn't possible, was it? 

The hotel was a hive of activity, more so than for an ordinary day, and for the first time since River left, the Doctor felt genuine curiosity. What event was bringing so many people together, himself now included?

“Ticket Sir?” the man at the door queried.

“Oh, right, of course, tickets,” the Doctor flashed a knowing smile, pulling his bill fold out and opening it. The psychic paper did its usual trick, the man nodding briskly as he shifted to let the Doctor pass.

“The showroom is to your left Sir, just beyond the stairs,” the Doctor was informed before the man’s attention turned to the next person.

“Showroom for what?” the Doctor murmured, following instructions and entering a large area a few moments later.

People, mostly men dressed in suits, milled around, the drone of multiple conversations filling the room. High above, suspended from the ceiling was a large metal boomerang shaped decoration with a big hole at the bend, the whole thing jutting out from the stage to loom partially over the crowd. On the wall behind it enormous letters – GM – were light up. Higher, at the back, were the words “ _Motorama of 1953_ ” and holding centre stage was a large automobile, its chrome finish glistening under lights. There were additional vehicles on the same level as the crowd as well and presumably some of the conversations centred around these.

It was all very interesting and the energy level in the room was certainly high enough to warrant some degree of attention, but there was nothing obvious to the Doctor as to why the TARDIS would bring him there. It was what looked to be an early style motor show and the Doctor had never expressed any particular interest in cars.

Making his way from group to group, the Doctor listened to the talk going on around him, his puzzlement growing. “Why here?” he muttered, stopping abruptly. Frowning, he turned and glanced to his left and then back to his right. _Still_ nothing unusual to grab his attention. Three men walked in front on him, the space not enough for them to get through easily. The Doctor stepped back, right into the person behind him.

“Oi!”

He knew that voice!

With a start, the Doctor spun around. A woman, tall and slender, stood glaring at him. She was about fifty, with lightly greying red hair and sparkling green eyes that looked both too young and too wise to belong with the rest of her. The moment stunned him – she was different but still so very much the same.

“Doctor?”

Amelia Pond stood before him, dressed in the manner of the times. She _was_ older, true, but still Amy, still beautiful, still full of that zest for life that had always drawn him.

"Amy?" he whispered, incredulous that his eyes were working properly. His senses _had_ been right - he was in New York, but how? How could he be here, when and where she was? "Amelia Pond?"

“Doctor!” Amy threw herself forward like she always used to and the Doctor had just enough time to open his arms to receive her hug. It felt so good it was all he could do not to burst into tears. He swallowed manfully, absorbing her warmth and familiarity and feeling something tense and bitter relaxing inside. The TARDIS had been right – _this_ was where he needed to be.

“I knew you were lying!” Amy declared triumphantly, stepping back to give him the once over. “Although, you took your time coming to visit.” Her expression turned annoyed and she smacked his arm, hard. It was so much like old times, so much what he’d longed for that the Doctor found himself laughing.

“Oh, I’ve missed you Amelia Pond,” he declared, gathering her close for another hug.

“We’ve missed you too,” Amy squeezed him tightly for a time before shifting to his side so that his arm remained over her shoulders. “Just wait until Rory sees you!” She bounced a little onto the balls of her feet, her excitement obvious.

“Then lead the way,” the Doctor invited, eager to see Rory again as well.

They took a taxi cab from the hotel across a bridge to one of the boroughs of New York, slowing only when they passed a sign welcoming them to Sunnyside Gardens. The homes were brick row houses of two and a half stories, with gardens in front – the streets were quiet and pretty, the setting idyllic for family living. As the Doctor got out of the cab he glanced around and smiled – it was exactly the type of place he’d pictured them in, a fifties style version of their home in London. When they walked up the path and he spied the TARDIS blue door, he clapped delightedly.

“Look at that,” he exclaimed, grinning at Amy.

“It was already that colour,” Amy defended, brushing past him to open the door. “Rory,” she called out, heading towards the back of the house.

“In here,” a familiar voice called out.

“Kitchen,” Amy shared as she urged the Doctor to follow her.

Rory had his back to the door when they arrived, busy with the kettle and cups in front of him. “Good timing - I’m just making tea,” he said, not looking around.

“Ooh, lovely. I could do with a spot of tea,” the Doctor said.

Rory tensed and then turned slowly, as if he didn’t believe his hearing had been right. “Doctor?” he said uncertainly.

“In the flesh!” the Doctor declared, grinning. Rory had aged too, of course, his face now a little lined and his hair also sprinkled with grey but still as thick as it had been. The calmness of his manner and the way his eyes took in everything was the same too and the Doctor’s relief was immense. “You’re all right!" was all he could think to say.

“Last time I checked, yes we are,” Rory agreed.

“Oh, just hug each other already,” Amy insisted impatiently. Her accent had an American edge to it now but the Scotland still came through loud and clear.

The Doctor rushed forward, slapping Rory’s back enthusiastically as he hugged him.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Rory protested after a few moments, half laughing. “You’re liable to break something. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re not as young as we used to be.”

“I did notice something along those lines,” the Doctor agreed. “I don’t care! You both look wonderful – you really are a sight for these sore eyes Ponds.”

“So are you,” Amy agreed. “It’s been what?” she glanced at her husband, “fifteen years?”

“Something like that,” Rory agreed.

“Fifteen years,” the Doctor whispered. It was so long – they would have well and truly moved on from their life with him by now. They’d gotten over him, so to speak – _far_ too soon from his perspective.

“You sound surprised,” Rory noted. “How long has it been for you then?”

“Oh, um,” the Doctor fumbled, “a few months I suppose.”

“Is that all?” Amy’s eyes narrowed and he realised abruptly that he should have lied.

“Long months,” he added evasively, “difficult, really difficult and … long … in fact it feels like a lot longer ... years really.”

“Right,” Amy’s brow rose. She eyes him for a few moments silently. “I’m assuming this is as much a surprise visit for you as it is for us.”

“In a manner of speaking,” the Doctor agreed.

“It must be because otherwise River would have come with you,” Amy continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “She wouldn’t miss a visit with us, would she Rory?”

“Visits every month, regular as clock work,” Rory replied, watching the two of them carefully. He knew Amy was on to something but wasn’t sure what it was yet.

The Doctor felt a sinking in the pit of his stomach and all at once he understood why he was really there. River had been visiting her parents all along, she just hadn’t told him. The TARDIS would know that just as the time machine knew everything – his friends would be expecting their daughter to visit again soon, only this time she wouldn’t.

_He was there to break the bad news._

“Not yet,” he muttered, turning away so he wouldn’t have to look at Amy. He wasn’t ready for this – he wasn’t sure he’d _ever_ be ready for this.

“Not yet what?” Amy was suddenly very serious, her face paling as she picked up on his mood. “Doctor?”

“I’m so sorry,” the Doctor said stiffly, hunching in on himself as he kept his back to them. “It wasn’t my choice to come here. Stupid, _selfish_ Doctor thinking it was for my sake, only it isn’t and I’m really, very, sorry.”

“It’s River, isn’t it?” Rory questioned quietly.

The Doctor turned reluctantly, knowing he had to face them. They stood together now, Rory’s arm around Amy, still so very much the unified entity they’d always been. He wouldn’t have to spell it out for them because their expressions said they already knew. Their daughter was gone.

“Yes,” he admitted.

“What happened?

“She took an expedition to the Library planet,” the Doctor explained tonelessly. “Visitors had been locked out for a hundred years but that didn’t stop River – she had to help find out what happened to all the people. It wasn’t safe - the planet was teeming with Vashta Nerada – deadly shadows, the piranhas of the air.” He tried to smile as he met their eyes. “You should be proud – she sacrificed herself to save them – her expedition, the 4,022 people trapped inside the computer’s transport systems, Donna Noble …. and me.” His voice broke on the last word and then abruptly he was crying, the grief he hadn’t let himself feel almost crushing him.

This wouldn’t do … and it wasn’t supposed to be about him. Bending low, the Doctor struggled to get back control, almost moaning at the effort it took to cut off the raw expression of his grief.

And then arms were around him … Amy and Rory, giving him something to hold on to. With renewed sobs he clutched at them and let them anchor him in a world that no longer made any sense.


	3. I didn't lie, not this time

_"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sydney J. Harris_

It took a while for the first rush of grief to subside, before anyone was calm enough to speak. When they were, initially the subject of River was avoided. They spoke of nothing important – reminding each other instead of favourite places they’d gone previously, in that other life when they’d lived as a family together.

“Venice, definitely Venice,” the Doctor declared. “I mean, how can you beat sexy fish vampires, eh?”

“I came a little too close to becoming one, thank you very much,” Amy retorted. “Give me the Trojan Gardens any day … even if you only took me there because you felt guilty about Rory being erased from history.”

“That wasn’t why I took you there,” the Doctor’s protest was well worn. “We went to plenty of lovely places, with Rory along as well. Isn’t that right Rory?”

“We did,” Rory surprised the Doctor by agreeing. “That pirate ship was really quite picturesque, and being outside the universe on a big ball of space junk? Magic.” He smiled to let the Doctor know he was joking.

“You’re right,” the Doctor sighed. “Most of our adventures didn’t go according to plan, did they?”

“Do you want to know my real favourite?” Rory asked seriously.

“Hit me,” the Doctor declared, expecting another dig at his knack for getting them all in trouble.

“New York, the 2012 version as well as the one we’ve lived in the past fifteen years,” Rory said, completely seriously.

“Really?” the Doctor glanced at Amy before regarding Rory hopefully.

“Really,” Rory confirmed. Capturing Amy’s hand across the table he smiled fondly. “It’s my favourite because without it I wouldn’t have what I’ve got now – a family … a _wife_ I’ve waited my whole life to finally have to myself.”

“Ouch,” the Doctor smiled as he put a hand to his chest dramatically. “You mean being stranded in time is better than travelling with me, just because I can’t steal Amy away for another adventure?”

Rory laughed. “Got it in one,” he agreed. He was silent for a moment before continuing. “You didn’t have to stay away so long,” he said intently.

“And you didn’t have to lie about never being able to see us again,” Amy added.

“I didn’t lie,” the Doctor protested, “not this time. I truly believed that the influence of the Angels would lock you away from me forever. I’m as puzzled as you are over how I can be here now. It makes no sense.”

“But River was able to visit,” Amy reminded him.

“She was,” the Doctor acknowledged that Rory had already mentioned that fact. “I didn’t know it though. I wonder why she never mentioned it.” His thoughts went to River for a moment before he shook them off, refocusing on their conversation. “The vortex manipulator is crude but effective at getting into places the TARDIS can’t go – that might be how River was able to find you … but it still doesn’t explain how I’m here now.”

“River would know,” Amy said sadly.

The Doctor nodded, his eyes misting over and they all realised the elephant in the room – the story of River’s passing – was still looming over them.

“You said that she saved you. How?” Amy finally asked.

“She took my place,” the Doctor replied.

Amy asked for more details and the entire story emerged. How it hadn’t been this version of him, but his younger self. How he hadn’t known who River was back then. How he wasn’t sure even now why River had been the one to make the sacrifice when it should have been him.

“So all this time you knew what was going to happen to her?” Amy asked.

“Yes, and there was nothing I could do to change it,” the Doctor said sadly. “We were always out of order, River and I. If I’d done anything to stop her from going there, all of the history between us wouldn’t have happened, not like we remember it.”

“And then a paradox would have been created,” Rory concluded.

“Exactly,” the Doctor agreed. “Back then I had no idea what River would be to me – she proved it without a shadow of doubt but I was so _stubborn_ , so stupid back then. I thought I could change things or that something would happen that would explain it another way because it wasn’t possible she could be what all the evidence said she was, no matter what proof she had.”

“No way she could be your wife for real?” Amy queried.

“The Doctor doesn’t do marriage, not one that counts,” he said in vague terms because he couldn’t bring himself to call River his wife – it hurt too much, brought all that he’d lost too close to the surface. He’d already cried enough for one day.

“You didn’t save her because she was a stranger to you,” Rory deduced.

“No. Yes. I don’t know,” the Doctor said irritably. “It’s complicated.” He took a deep breath and tried to gather his thoughts so he could explain it. “I gave her my screwdriver, this me I mean, not the younger version.”

“Okay, that’s going to get confusing all by itself,” Amy complained. “Can we just call him young Doctor and you Old doctor?”

“Oi! I’m not that old!” he protested, by habit.

“Then what? Because I’m not going to follow this unless you simplify it!” Amy shot back.

“He’s Ten,” the Doctor said abruptly. “I’m Eleven, and no, I’m not explaining why. Just accept it.”

“Okay, so Ten gave her a sonic screwdriver?”

“No, Eleven did, before she went to the Library, because he already knew what was going to happen,” the Doctor corrected, the story somewhat easier to tell in the third person – removed from the ‘I’ and ‘me’ that carried so much guilt. “Look, let’s do this from Ten’s perspective because it’s easier.” Amy and Rory nodded.

“Ten didn’t know who River was but she knew him, very well,” the Doctor began again. “She knew things no one should know and she had his screwdriver, or at least a version of it. She spoke with so much familiarity and she understood things no one of that time should understand. She blew him away and he never really regained his footing. At the end, before she sacrificed herself, she knocked him out and handcuffed him to a pole. He had to watch while she plugged herself into the mainframe. He had to watch her die.”

He swallowed hard, eyes downcast.

“Oh Doctor,” Amy whispered, putting her hands over his in comfort.

“Ten didn’t understand how he could feel so much grief for a stranger,” the Doctor continued. “It took almost too long for him to question. Why would a future him give River his screwdriver? Finally he realised – it was to save her, in the only way he could. The echo of her consciousness was inside the screwdriver and so Ten ran to the core and he plugged in the screwdriver and transferred River into the system.”

“What? So she’s not dead then?” Rory asked, confused.

“Not precisely,” the Doctor replied. “Her physical form is gone but everything else lives on, inside the Library systems.”

“What does that mean?” Amy demanded, confused. “Did you save her or not?”

“It means that she’ll go on forever, but only inside the systems, never again in the real world,” the Doctor revealed. “I saved her but I can never be with her again, none of us can.”

“But it’s better than the alternative, isn’t it?” Amy questioned.

“I don’t know, you tell me!” The Doctor stood abruptly, pacing away. “Is it okay that we can never see her again, that she can never see the real us either? Is it okay that everything around her is nothing more than an illusion?”

“You’re angry with yourself, aren’t you?” Rory asked quietly.

“ _Yes_ , and you should be too!” the Doctor shot back. “At first she would have been grateful but I don’t think it would have taken long for the true nature of her existence to emerge. I’d imagine right now that River is close to, if not already all the way to hating me more than she’s ever hated anything or anyone. And it won’t ever stop, not for her. _Ever_. It’s a prison just as surely as Stormcage was, and I put her there … also just like Stormcage. I ruined your daughter’s life.”

“Then go back, fix it,” Amy proposed.

The Doctor laughed grimly. “Don’t you think I would already have done that, if I could? Eleven’s future actions were already locked in – from the day Ten met River the course was already set. Eleven gave River his screwdriver – his solution to what happened was to save her inside the systems. All I could do when the time came was play along – because it had already happened! I was there, I know. What I don’t understand is why I would ever think doing that to River was acceptable. Off the cuff I can think of five, no ten … no, a _hundred_ solutions that would save all of her _and_ preserve the time line but I can’t do any of them _because I already did something_. Something inadequate and woeful and cruel. And I can’t undo it, not without creating a paradox I won’t be able to fix. For Ten it all happened so fast – he didn’t have time to think about the consequences. He truly believed he was saving her and it took a long time for him to realise that he hadn’t, not really. By then it was already too late.”

“So, what now?” Rory asked after a few moments of silence.

“I don’t know,” the Doctor admitted. “I just … I don’t know what to do anymore. The TARDIS brought me here because I couldn’t work out where to go next.”

“Then stay,” Amy said simply. “Stay until you do know.”

The Doctor let the feeling of rightness wash over him. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay,” he agreed in a low tone.


	4. "Who wants to know?"

_"If we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we shall find that we have lost the future."_

_Winston Churchill_

New York in the 1950's was a much more lively and progressive place than the Doctor would have guessed, if he'd ever sat down and given it any thought, which in all honesty he never had. After retrieving the TARDIS and parking it in Rory and Amy's backyard he went for long walks every day, just absorbing what was in front of him, with no pressure to save something or plan for the future. He'd always professed to live in the moment and now he really was, with no regard for what he might be missing in all the other moments out there to be witnessed. What surprised him the most was that he wasn't bored staying in the same place for far longer than he was used to.

Each evening he would regale the Pond's with his daily exploits, all the things they'd probably already seen as well as some they hadn't. In return they gradually filled him in on their life from the moment the Angel had transported them back in time.

"Thankfully we ended up together," Amy commented one breakfast a week after the Doctor arrived. "There was a man waiting for us – he had the right papers and enough money for us to live comfortably. It gave us time to find our feet and establish our identities here."

"River hired him?" the Doctor asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes," Amy smiled. "The first time she visited she told us how she'd visit a few years in the future for her first time and that we'd tell her exactly when we arrived. Rory had to write it all down, date, time, exact location, just to make sure that man could be there like we knew he would be."

"River and her backwards forwards approach to time," the Doctor commented, a slight smile crossing his face.

"She made it easy for us," Rory explained. "Without that money, those papers, we would have been destitute and probably in jail inside a week."

"Did you really not know what she did?" Amy asked curiously.

"Not in as many words," the Doctor admitted. "I mentioned it once, that we'd have to go back before 1938 and sort something out for the pair of you. She patted my cheek and said _'already sorted my love'_. I admit, selfishly, it suited me to never have to bring it up again."

"It wasn't your fault," Amy said quietly. "What happened to us – it wasn't your fault."

"Of course it was," the Doctor countered. "I put you at risk every day. Something was bound to happen eventually. It always does."

"Is that why you're travelling alone?"

"I can't have another ruined life on my conscience," he said firmly, his expression grim.

"Oh, don't be daft," Amy exclaimed. "Do we look like ruined lives to you? Tell him Rory!"

"We've been very happy here," Rory said earnestly. "We've had a good life - a _great_ life. Maybe better than the one we would have had if we'd stayed in our own time."

"What about family – Brian, your parents Amy?" the Doctor persisted. "What about the children you never had? Madam Kovarian got to you because of me Amy – she took something from you I can never give you back."

"That's true, River was the only child we ever conceived," Amy agreed, no hint of accusation in her tone. "But here, in this time, adopting is so much easier, especially if you have a child as resourceful as River. A couple as well to do as we are makes it to the head of the adoption queue very quickly."

"You _adopted?_ " the Doctor glanced around wide eyed, as if expecting to notice for the first time children who'd been there all along.

"Yes, seven years ago, as soon as we could after the war ended. A boy, Anthony Brian Williams. He's eight now and a real handful," Amy said, smiling.

"He takes after his mother there," Rory added.

"Oiy!" Amy mock glared at her husband.

"And you're just mentioning this _now_?" the Doctor accused. "Bring him out already, unless you're afraid I'll be a bad influence on him."

Amy laughed. "Anthony's at camp – you'll meet him next weekend, if you're still here."

"Anthony Pond," the Doctor murmured, delighted. "What a remarkable thing."

" _Williams_ ," Rory corrected with a long suffering sigh. "His name is Anthony Williams."

"Of course it is," the Doctor agreed. It didn't make it all better but knowing Amy and Rory got that second chance to be parents filled a dark space the Doctor had inside with light. Perhaps there was one less thing he had to feel guilty about.  
________________________________________

It took two full weeks in New York before he'd run out of places to busy himself at. Perhaps the sadness of the previous day contributed to the Doctor's lack of direction – deep down they'd all been hoping that River would somehow turn up as usual for her monthly visit on schedule. When the day passed without her, heaviness fell over the Pond/Williams house … because they all had to face the fact that River really was gone, for good.

Regardless of the cause, the Doctor was actually at home _alone_ – with Amy and Rory at work and Anthony still away at camp for two more days, if he didn't find somewhere to be he'd find himself in a very quiet house that felt much too large for just his one self. He was at the point of considering Central Park as a real destination for the day – a place he'd steadfastly refused to even contemplate since his arrival – when the doorbell rang.

He looked around for a few moments, not sure how to proceed. The Doctor didn't answer other people's doors as a general rule. When the bell sounded again he shrugged. "What the hell, might as well see who it is," he said aloud.

"Mr Williams?" the man at the door asked. Possibly of Italian descent, he was slim and on the short side of average height and wore a stern, serious expression. He was dressed in a grey suit and looked very clean cut and above reproach but the Doctor took an instant dislike to him. There was just something … off in the expression in the stranger's dark eyes.

"Who wants to know?" the Doctor demanded.

"I am Mr Harvey B. Smythe," the man said somewhat pompously, "and I represent the firm of Smythe, Brookes, and Lane."

"Good for you. And who might they be?"

"Private investigators for New York's finest citizens," Harvey shared, his tone suggesting it was something the Doctor should already have known.

"By finest I assume you mean richest," the Doctor replied. "A firm with three partners seems a bit much though. What would these 'finest' need investigating that requires three of you on the job?"

"Our firm employs a large support staff," Smythe retorted, clearly insulted by the Doctor's less than impressed attitude. "We handle delicate matters of a confidential nature. Some of those involve locating persons whose whereabouts are currently unknown."

"Lost someone have you?" the Doctor smirked. "That's a bit careless, isn't it?"

The stranger ground his teeth and then took a visibly deep breath, making an obvious effort to ignore the Doctor's contrariness and regroup. "A client wishes to speak with Mr Williams on the whereabouts of a Melody Malone. If you aren't Mr Williams, perhaps you're still able to assist in this matter?"

As soon as River's 1930's name was mentioned here in the fifties, all hints at playful teasing dropped from the Doctor's face. Straightening to his full height he eyed the other man through a narrowed gaze. "What does your client want with Ms Malone?"

"I'm sorry, I can't divulge that information," Harvey replied. "Are you in contact with the lady in question?"

"I'm sorry, I can't divulge that information either," the Doctor retorted sarcastically, "especially not without knowing who wants it and what they intend to do with it."

He hadn't said one way or the other whether he knew where Melody was but his manner was suggestive enough for the investigator to suspect that he did. The other man's interest was definitely piqued and he was cluey enough to know he'd have to give a little to get a little.

"My client is interested in speaking with Ms Malone about a piece of rare information he believes she's in possession of," Harvey offered, his tone shifting to friendly. "It shouldn't take long, once he's in contact with Ms Malone, to conclude the matter to everyone's satisfaction."

"What piece of rare information?" the Doctor queried. _"What have you gotten yourself into this time River Song?"_ he thought.

"That's not something I'm required to know to pursue the case," Harvey replied.

"That's a rather fancy way of saying you don't know," the Doctor pointed out. His mind was moving at high speed as he considered how best to proceed. He'd never been on any adventures with River centred around New York during this time period so it could all be a storm in a tea cup. It was only the thought that maybe he hadn't seen River for the last time, that at some point in her timeline she might still be in need of his help, that saw him hesitating. "What led you here?" he asked, stalling for time.

"Ms Malone operates in the investigative community in the city as well, although on a freelance basis. We put out the call last year for her help on a case - her expertise in particular areas was of interest to our client," Harvey admitted. "During that investigation Ms Malone listed this address as a contact point if needed."

"Then why not just ask for her?" the Doctor asked. "Why the subterfuge?"

"Our client's preference was to involve only Ms Malone herself, and only after we had assured ourselves that no external influences would interfere."

"You've had her under surveillance," the Doctor realised abruptly, which mean they'd had him under surveillance too. He had nothing to hide per say, but he still didn't like the sound of that either.

"For some time, yes," Harvey said unapologetically. "We were just at the point of approaching her directly."

"Except she didn't turn up yesterday, forcing you to show yourself instead of hiding in the bushes," the Doctor accused.

"That's right," Harvey admitted. "My client's needs have become more urgent. He is most insistent on getting in touch with Ms Malone. Her pattern has changed, leaving us with few options."

"Of course it has," the Doctor murmured under his breath, grimacing. He might have said more but the sound of footsteps moving up the pathway towards them stopped him.

He shifted to see around Harvey, tensing when he saw Rory and Amy making their way towards the door. "Bugger," he muttered, raising a smile from somewhere as he waved to the Ponds. "Rory, Amy," he called, ignoring the way Harvey stiffened at the evidence that he himself wasn't the Mr Williams the other man had come to talk to.

"Doctor," Amy greeted him, frowning as she glanced from her friend to the stranger on her doorstep.

"This gentleman was after information about Melody Malone," the Doctor quickly explained.

"Melody?" Amy shot a glance to the Doctor. He met her eyes, trying to convey the message that she should play along and reveal nothing, all without saying a word, like he'd done many times in the past. "Oh, _Mel-o-dy_ ," she put too much emphasis on the name and the Doctor shook his head. After fifteen years off the job as Doctor's companion, Amy was more than a little rusty!

"What did you want to know?" Rory asked in a mild tone.

"What I'd really like is to give you my card," Harvey countered, reaching into his top pocket and pulling out a crisp, neat white rectangle and offering it to Rory. "When Ms Malone next gets in touch with you I would appreciate you having her contact my office so that I can put her in touch with my client."

Rory took the card, glanced at it, and then tucked it into his pocket. "Melody won't be coming back for any more visits," he said with quiet seriousness. "She's ah … she's gone," he stumbled, swallowed and then continued. "Passed away, a few weeks ago."

"Oh," Harvey looked shocked for a moment and then shifted uncomfortably, in that way of people when given the kind of information they had no idea how to react to. "That is a terrible shame. I only met her the once but found her to be a delightful lady. I'm sorry for your loss."

"Yes, well …," Rory shrugged, glancing away before he seemed to make himself look at their visitor. "I wish we could help you because that would mean she'd visited again." There was a moment of awkward silence before they all realised they were still standing on the door step. "If there's nothing else," he began.

"That's all," Harvey said. "Please, Mr Williams, Ma'am," he nodded to Amy. "Keep my card and don't hesitate to contact me if I can be of investigative assistance in the future."

He left then, leaving the Doctor, Amy and Rory staring after him.

"What was that all about?" Rory asked.

"I have no idea, but I'm going to find out," the Doctor replied.


	5. You look like you've seen a ghost!

_"The mind ought sometimes to be diverted that it may return to better thinking."  
Phaedrus_

"We're coming with you," Amy declared.

"No, you're not," the Doctor said sternly. It was after midnight – the same night of Harvey Smythe's visit – and the Doctor was about to set out for a spot of breaking and entering. With nineteen fifties technology to contend with, whatever system Smythe, Brooks, and Lane were using would be no match for his sonic screwdriver.

"This is about River, yeah?" Amy persisted. "She's our daughter. We're going."

"Yes it's about River, and yes, she is your daughter," the Doctor agreed, "but she's no longer your only child Amy. You have Anthony to think of. I won't take you back into danger. If you won't agree to stay here then I can't in good conscience go either, which means we could be leaving some earlier version of River in danger. Do you want that?"

Amy glared at him.

"He's right," Rory said gently.

"Of course I am," the Doctor declared. "Listen to your husband Amelia Williams."

"Okay, fine," Amy said abruptly, her resentment clear. "Go, but for god's sake, be careful!"

"All I'm going to do is look at whatever file they have on Melody Malone, see if I can find out who this mysterious client is," the Doctor reassured her. "Once I have that I'll be able to pay them a little visit, find out what they really want with River."

"You have our number," Rory reminded him. "Call us if you get into trouble – I can be there inside an hour. It's not quick I know, but it might still make a difference if you need backup."

"Thank you Rory," the Doctor held out his hand, shaking Rory's briskly. When he hugged Amy she sighed.

"Why does this feel like we're saying goodbye?" she complained.

"Because we are, for now," the Doctor replied. "Something isn't right here Amy … until I find out what, it's too dangerous for me to stick around, but I promise you, once I work out what's going on I _will_ come back to visit you. I still need to meet this son of yours, teach him about English football before you completely corrupt him."

Amy chuckled, her eyes watering. "Don't you dare wait another fifteen years, you hear?"

"Loud and clear," the Doctor saluted his two friends. "Thank you Ponds. You have no idea how much you've helped." He stopped to look at them, standing together as always. He wanted to absorb that Pond-ness, to take it with him and bring it out when he most needed it. His grief over River was still strong but he felt better able to handle it now, because in a small way he had his Ponds back.

\---~---

The offices of Smythe, Brookes, and Lane were located on West 34th street, a quick trip from Queens if he were going by car. The Doctor had debated leaving the TARDIS with Amy and Rory but decided that alone could lead trouble to their door. Instead he directed the time machine high overhead, landing her behind the offices moments later.

Stepping out, he glanced around quickly, judging things to be as quiet as he'd expect for after midnight in 1953. Pulling out his screwdriver, he directed the beam at the back door, smiling when milliseconds later he was rewarded with a faint click. He was in.

Office buildings at night had a certain air about them – dark, hard to identify shapes looming and skulking around the edges, and too many places for someone to hide. No matter how hard you tried to be quiet, every sound seemed amplified, including the various noises offices always made. In the dark they took on a sinister tone … danger lurking, waiting to leap out and grab you.

Ignoring all of that, the Doctor made his way through the general office area until he was at the front of the building. Scanning the tenant register he quickly found Smythe el al, three floors up. Taking the stairs, he emerged to find a stylish reception desk with a sign behind it proclaiming the three partners there to help those with investigative need.

"This way," the Doctor muttered, deciding the partner offices were to the right, for no particular reason.

" _Harvey B Smythe, Senior Partner and Private Investigator_ ," the sign on the first door read.

Smiling at his correctness, the Doctor eased the door open, stopping abruptly when he realised he wasn't the only person who'd decided to pay the office an after dark visit. Torchlight bounced off the wall, illuminating his fellow break and enter colleagues features for a moment.

Hearts pumping, the Doctor redirected his torch forward slowly until the figure was illuminated.

"River?" his voice cracked and he swallowed, the reality of seeing her post Darillium far more emotional than he'd expected. His hands were shaking and he quickly buried them behind his back, torchlight bouncing wildly behind him.

"Doctor?" River frowned. She directed her own torch to the floor between them, enough for him to see she was wearing her Melody Malone outfit. Even without the hat sitting jauntily atop her curls it had always been one of his favourites. "Can't a girl enjoy a good bit of larceny without her husband bursting in to spoil all the fun?" her lips curved upwards as she eyed him speculatively.

"River," the Doctor said again, his thoughts all over the place. He couldn't get his bearings even though he knew he had to, and before River became suspicious.

"What's wrong?" River asked, laughing. "You look like you've seen a ghost!" She glanced behind her playfully. "You haven't, have you?"

"Ah, no, no I haven't," the Doctor finally managed some coherent speech. "How … what … why are you here?"

"I could ask you the same questions," River retorted, "but I don't think this is the place for a diary check, do you?"

"I suppose not," the Doctor conceded.

"Right, then you get what you came here for and I'll do the same," River suggested. "We can compare notes after."

"Fine," the Doctor was reluctant to shift his eyes away from her. If he did then she'd disappear, he was sure of it. Had his grief finally gotten the better of him, conjuring up so lifelike a depiction of his wife because he desperately wanted to see her again? He'd missed her so much.

"I've missed you too sweetie," River replied, as real as it got. "Down to business now though, okay. We'll catch up later." She winked and he knew what she was thinking too – most of it about snogging his socks off. For once he didn't even blush, because he'd thought she'd never tease him like this again.

Nodding, the Doctor resolved to keep his thoughts to himself. He was Gallifreyan, and in many ways so was River. It was in their nature to communicate telepathically and doing so would have been a daily occurrence if not for how much they each still hid from the other.

Over the course of the two hundred years he'd spent filling River's prison sentence nights with adventure, they'd only gotten closer, more in tune. Despite the apparent evidence to the contrary, he'd never taken it further - because he didn't believe he deserved that privilege, and because, well, he'd truly believed his life would end at Lake Silencio. It would have been cruel to take even more than he already had from River knowing he wouldn't be around to live up to the promise in truly making her his wife in every way.

They'd shared thoughts from time to time of course - in fact it had come in handy on more than one occasion - but the Doctor was usually better at keeping his thoughts to himself when he didn't want her to know them. Turning away he approached the filing cabinet in the corner, glancing back to River more than once on the way, just to make sure she was still there.

Ripping open the middle draw he found the M's, flicking through them to find one labelled "Malone, M." Taking it out he riffled through the pages, rapidly reading through the contents. It was towards the back, the sheet detailing who wanted to speak with River. Ripping it out, the Doctor folded it into a small square and tucked it into his pocket to deal with later. Reading through the rest of the file he concluded there was nothing of interest there. Tucking it back into place he closed the draw and turned to find River regarding him curiously.

"Care to share?" she asked, raising a brow as she glanced from the cabinet to him.

"I will if you do," he offered, "once we're out of here."

"Deal," River moved briskly now, listening at the door before nodding to him as she opened it swiftly.

The building was still silent and still but as one they both knew that things had changed.

"Someone's here," River whispered, shifting closer to the Doctor until her back was against his chest.

He lost himself for a moment, breathing in the scent of her hair.

"Doctor," River said impatiently in a low tone.

"Right," he blinked, willing himself to concentrate. Focusing with his heightened, Gallifreyan senses, he could hear hearts beating, oxygen shifting in and out, and smell the presence of more than one human. "Four or five at least," he murmured.

Pushing River behind him, he stepped forward, ducking low as he tried to pinpoint with better accuracy where their unexpected company was hiding.

"There," River pointed over his shoulder down the corridor they needed to head down.

"Of course, they would be right in our path," the Doctor complained in a whisper. "Why is it whenever you're involved River Song, things have a way of going pear shaped!?"

"Don't blame me," River shot back in a heated whisper. "I was doing perfectly okay until you showed up!"

The cocking of a gun halted their conversation. Eyes locked, they gazed at each other. It looked like having other means of communicating was going to come in handy once again!

" _You have a weapon?_ " the Doctor thought at her.

River held up her blaster in reply, an amused smile gracing her lips when he looked both happy and disturbed all at the same time.

" _You have to get over your aversion to my efficiency with weapons darling,_ " she thought teasingly, " _especially when we both know how hot it makes you_."

" _Fine, fine,_ " his mental voice took on an overtone of impatient embarrassment. " _Now isn't the time for that River! We have several armed men waiting for us._ "

" _I can take care of them_ ," River reminded him.

The Doctor hesitated and then with a sigh, nodded. Her reflexes were phenomenal. Those men didn't stand a chance.

" _Don't worry_ ," she though reassuringly. " _I'll stun them only._ "

" _Thank you_ ," the Doctor touched a hand to her shoulder before letting her go. It bothered him to watch her shift away from his protection, her weapon raised to shoulder height as she moved cautiously forward. It made no difference that he knew she'd in all likelihood survive – this wasn't where she died. Time could be rewritten – that thought was always at the back of his mind. " _River, be careful_ ," he thought forcefully.

She glanced back, throwing him a confident smile before turning back to the corridor in front of them and disappearing around the corner.

It all happened very quickly. Her weapon went off five times in quick succession before silence descended again.

"River?" he called out.

"I'm fine," she called back. "You were right – there were five of them."

"Well of course I was right," he retorted, following the sound of her voice until he was standing beside her, the still forms of five men stretched out on the floor in front of them.

"I wonder what they wanted," he said, dropping down beside the first and competently searching him. "Conner O'Brian," he read the man's identification, glancing up at River. "Ring any bells?"

"No, this one either," River said, holding up a similar ID for one of the other men.

They searched all five but found nothing to illuminate why they'd lain in wait for River and the Doctor to emerge from Smythe's office.

"This makes no sense," the Doctor frowned, thinking. "First Smythe visits Amy and Rory asking for you and now we find a second person, also after you. What are you embroiled in this time River?"

"Nothing to warrant any of this," River said firmly. "Honestly, the only reason I stopped in here was to check on Angel activity. This firm was one of the ones Grayle hired back in the thirties, when he was after anything he could get about the statues."

"We fixed the Angel problem River," the Doctor reminded her. "At high cost. You of all people should know that."

"Yes, and one survived to collect that payment," River said grimly. "Where did that one come from and what was it doing during the years between 1938 and 2012? It seemed prudent for one of us to pay attention and I knew I couldn't get you here under any circumstance. Except, here you are. I have to say Doctor, you've surprised me this time."

"I surprise myself all the time," the Doctor muttered. "It wasn't my choice to come here – didn't think I could."

"The TARDIS brought you?" River eyed him narrowly. "She wouldn't do that unless it was very important. What happened?"

"Spoilers," the Doctor said, looking away. He could pull off plenty of lies with the best of them but there was no way he'd be able to hide the grief from River. One look and she'd know everything, without him having said a word.

River watched him for a moment – he could feel her eyes on him but he refused to look up. "Shouldn't we be going?" he asked, moving towards the stairwell. They didn't talk as they made their way back to the ground floor.

The cubicles stretched out between them and the backdoor – plenty of places for more goons to hide there.

"I'll go first," River insisted, her weapon already out and ready for action.

Nodding, the Doctor stepped aside, falling in behind her with his sonic screwdriver in hand, as they moved cautiously forward. When the first man popped up from cover, River fired without hesitation, felling him with one blast. A second man popped up from the opposite side of the room but River was already shifting to take him down too.

It became a bizarre rendition of a carnival game, the one with the ducks. River was good but there were a lot of men – too many for this to be about robbery. They wanted River and the Doctor, their approach making it clear that it had to be alive. That was to the Doctor's advantage. As River fired in one direction, he'd fire the sonic screwdriver in the other, disabling weapons with flashes of green light.

When a line of men stepped forward like a last line of defence, the Doctor shook his head.

"There are too many," he told River. "We'll have to make a run for it."


	6. "Have we done that one yet?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who've commented or given kudos so far - I really appreciate your interest in the story. The location mentioned in this chapter is a real one, the original owners mentioned are also real (no disrespect intended in using them - I just thought, why make up new names when I could use the original ones?) - I accessed wiki and then the website of the home itself while writing this, for history as well as details about the setting, so thank you to both sources!
> 
> Merry Christmas to you all - have a safe and happy holiday.
> 
> Sha

_"Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised or a little mistaken."_

_Jane Austen_

"That way," River pointed to a window on the opposite side of the wall from the door they'd been heading towards. "I'll stun as many as I can – you break the glass."

As one they rushed forward, each executing their part of the plan successfully. A moment later they were bursting through the window to the alley outside. The Doctor grabbed River's hand and hurried her towards the TARDIS, snapping his fingers a few steps away to open the doors.

They cleared the door just as the first bullets reached them, pinging harmlessly off the TARDIS exterior. The Doctor moved to the console, getting the ship into motion efficiently.

Only when they were safely in the air did he turn back to River. "Any idea what they wanted?"

"Besides us, alive, no I don't," River replied. "Where are we going?" she moved to stand next to him.

"I was there because a man named Harvey Smythe came to see Amy and Rory – he has a client who wants to talk to you – well, to Melody Malone," the Doctor explained. "I found the client's details in that office. We're going to see him now."

"I didn't think you'd come here," River murmured after a few minutes of silence. "You seemed so determined that it wasn't possible."

"It shouldn't be," he insisted. "The Angels don't just send people back River. They steal away every drop of time energy surrounding them, effectively sealing them into a bubble of anti-time. Their victims get to live but all their choices and any hope of breaking away, back to their own time, is usually gone."

"And yet you're here," River said simply.

"I'm here and I have no idea why, or how, no idea on the consequences, if there are any," the Doctor replied.

"I've been visiting them regularly," River admitted.

"I know – Amy told me. The vortex manipulator has always been an oddity – a dangerous one at that. It lets you go places you really shouldn't River."

"Including to visit my time locked parents," River said without remorse. "I couldn't let them arrive here with nothing. Once I'd visited the first time without breaking anything it seemed harmless to keep doing it." She smiled. "You worry too much."

"And you don't worry enough," the Doctor said, irritated. "We know what it means to create a paradox River, and what it takes to fix one." It was surreal, how easily he slipped into familiar patterns with River, despite what he knew. He should be cherishing every second with her, not feeling the usual combination of frustration and admiration that often led to him speaking harshly. He'd regret it later, when all those seconds were used up and he had nothing left.

"Oh hush," River chided, sidling closer and wrapping her arms around him.

Her warmth surrounded him and his hearts ached, so much that he could almost feel it, as a physical phenomenon. Wrapping his arms around her in return, he held on too tightly, unable to resist.

"How long has it been for you?" she asked, leaning back to look up at him.

"Doesn't matter, a day is too long to be without my wife," he returned.

She flushed and her eyes sparkled. "You charmer," she exclaimed with a laugh. "I'd say we're close to being in sync this time, if you're talking like that."

"That's right, we haven't done diaries," the Doctor couldn't believe he'd forgotten that part of their ritual.

Rather than let her go he shifted her so that he could reach the console, his diary discarded there after he'd written Darillium inside it. Opening the book one handed, he held it up behind River's back and read one of the later pages. "Have you done Arcateen Five?"

"The Butterfly people," River smiled. "Translucent humanoids – the most beautiful in the galaxy I believe you said."

"I believe I also said they didn't hold a candle to you," the Doctor reminded her, earning himself a smug grin because she'd lured him into repeating the compliment.

River broke away, pulling her diary from her bag and opening it. "What about Darillium, have you done that?"

"Darillium?" the Doctor repeated, sure he'd heard wrong.

"Yes, the singing towers," River smiled. "Have we done that one yet?"

"Ah, yes, as a matter of fact we have," the Doctor stuttered, trying to hide how flabbergasted her words had made him. Everything he thought he understood about his last encounter with River was crumbling into dust and he couldn't let on. She'd lied to him at the library, convincingly too, when she'd said the last time she'd seen him was when the towers sang. _Why_ would she do that?

"You'd cut your hair and you had a new suit," River reminisced, smiling softly now. "You gave me your old screwdriver."

"I hope you still have it – I only do a full upgrade every few centuries you know."

"Right here," River rummaged in her bag and held up the little device. "I'm sure you're still swearing black and blue that it didn't happen, but I saw the tears – I know you cried that night, when the towers sang. You wouldn't then, but can you tell me why now?"

"No," the Doctor returned, charmed by the way her features softened as she relived the memory in her mind. "Not that I admit to any form of tears – Time Lord's don't cry, it's written somewhere or other. You really should brush up on your Gallifreyan history my dear."

"My Gallifreyan history is just fine my love," River smiled. "You'll explain it all to me one day?"

"Perhaps," the Doctor watched her return the screwdriver and diary to her bag, distracted into looking away only with the sounds of the TARDIS landing. "We're here," he announced, glad for the reprieve. He had no idea what to think, what it all meant. Best to focus on what he _did_ know, what he _could_ affect. Moving to the overhanging screen, he looked to see what the time machine could tell them about their location.

"The Long Island gold coast," he began, "where New York's richest built opulent mansions in the early nineteen hundreds in an effort to outdo each other. The one we want is Coe Hall," he smiled at River, "built by an oil heiress and an insurance magnate in 1921 – although why two people would need a 65 room Tudor revival style mansion on 400 acres is beyond me."

"This from the man who lives in a magic box with rooms even he's never discovered," River commented, amused.

"Right, moving on," the Doctor continued. "The original owners retired to Florida a few years back, gifting their house to their only son - the man we want to talk to. Robertson Rogers Coe hired Smythe and partners to track you down. Any idea why?"

"The only thing Melody Malone was ever famous for in these parts was her study of unusual statues," River said, frowning as she considered her answer. "I don't think, after fifteen years, that's what they'd want to talk to me about. As far as Smythe is concerned Melody is just a freelance investigator who helped him out once – I don't think he'd be aware of that history because surely he'd have asked me about it."

"A woman who's been in the business fifteen years and hasn't aged a day," the Doctor commented. "He seemed like the observant type - I'd say definitely he'd question you." Straightening away from the console he paced away and then back again. "So it's probably not about the angels. What else could you know that someone would go to so much trouble to find out?"

"I'm an archaeologist sweetie. I know many obscure facts, any one of which could align with whatever obsession this Coe person currently has. You know what humans are like; once they get their minds set on something they're impossible to shift."

"True," the Doctor nodded. "We're not going to learn anything in here. So, into the breach?" he held out his elbow to River gallantly.

"Indeed," she smiled, taking his arm and tucking herself close to his side.

The TARDIS had landed in the gardens at the back of the mansion, where the trees would provide some cover from prying eyes. The Doctor and River made their way to the side where a stone veranda of sorts jutted out, three archways providing a view of the lawns stretching out into the distance. A large window sat on the first floor beyond the veranda, below a bay window style balcony above.

"This way," River approached the window, the Doctor's old sonic already in hand. Aiming the beam she grinned at the faint click. "That's never going to get old, is it?"

"I'm not there yet," the Doctor grinned too. Together they eased the window up enough that they could squeeze through. It was a bit awkward and probably looked worse but eventually they were standing in a wide hallway, ceilings high above, antique furniture lining both walls. A stone staircase spiralled up to the second floor to their right. It was quiet as it should be given the time of night, but the Doctor's instincts screamed that all was not as it should be.

"I feel it too," River confirmed his unspoken impression.

"Upstairs," the Doctor motioned in that direction before treading silently forward. They crept up the stairs, stopping at the top to peer around the corner. This corridor too was silent and still but the Doctor noticed something immediately.

"The doors," River said, keeping her voice low.

"Yes, locked from the outside, and by the looks of it, not a part of the original design. This was done very recently."

Continuing on to the first room, the Doctor used his screwdriver to open it. Pushing it cautiously open he called out in a loudish whisper. "Hello? Don't shoot. We come in peace."

"Don't shoot?" River repeated incredulously, closing the door quietly behind them.

"They're Americans," the Doctor returned. "Weren't you the one who pointed out that they shoot first before the questioning and answering bits?"

"Yes, for already armed Americans," River replied. "I think we shou-"

"Hello?" A nervous voice interrupted their whispered conversation. "Who's there?"

"Hang on, let me give us a little light so you can see for yourself," the Doctor fiddled with the settings on the sonic screwdriver until he could produce a nice glow, sufficient to illuminate them without drawing undue attention from outside the house, should anyone be watching. "Hello, I'm the Doctor and this is …," he turned to River.

"Melody Malone," she filled in with a smile.

" _You're_ Melody?" the boy, maybe ten years of age, sat up abruptly, his expression both hopeful and fearing.

"Ah, I see you've heard of her," the Doctor nudged River with his shoulder. "Your reputation precedes you again my dear."

"Yes, I am Melody," River confirmed, ignoring the Doctor's comments. "How is it you know my name?"

"My father's looking for you," the boy replied. He glanced around nervously before continuing, his voice low. "There are … people, here, in the house. They locked us up and threatened father that they'd hurt us if he didn't do as they asked."

"People, what kind of people?" the Doctor demanded.

"I only saw them once. They looked just like regular people, except for one thing. They had these things over one eye, like eye patches but not like any I've seen before. I'd say they were metal," he shuddered, "plugged right into their faces. They're creepy."

"Ah," the Doctor exchanged a meaningful glance with River. "The Silence. Nasty group – religious fanatics of a sort."

"They only want to talk to her," the boy pointed to River. "Maybe they'll leave once they do."

"Sorry kid, it never happens that way," the Doctor returned, going for flippant in an effort to ease some of the young man's nerves. If he was casual and easy-going then the message was that the situation couldn't be as bad as it seemed, even though in this case it was in all likelihood _worse_ than it seemed. Where the human minions of the Silence were, their tall forgettable alien counterparts were sure to be too. No point in asking the kid about them of course – even if he'd seen one he wouldn't know it now.

"What now?" River shifted closer and spoke too low for the boy to hear.

"No idea," the Doctor returned. "If they want to talk to you they won't leave until they do, or any hope that this course of action will lead to talking to you is gone."

"So we let them see me and then make a very loud and messy exit and hope they follow us," River suggested.

"Why did I know you were going to suggest that!" the Doctor grumbled, glaring down at her. "Why is your first impulse _always_ to put yourself in danger?" His reaction was too strong for the circumstances but he couldn't help himself. Her reckless attitude and failure to put her own safety first was the reason she'd die, and soon. He'd break time itself to tell her just that if he thought it would do any good.

"If we're careful it won't be dangerous," River returned mildly. "And how could I possibly be at risk when I have my husband here to look after me?" Patting his cheek she moved away, missing the way the Doctor's expression turned bleak and guilty. He'd been there and he hadn't been able to save her – it didn't matter that it wasn't _this_ him.

"How many of these people have you seen?" River asked the boy.

"Um … I don't know, maybe ten?" he replied uncertainly.

"What's your name kid?" the Doctor broke in.

"Robertson Rogers Coe the Second," the boy replied.

"Well that's a bit of a mouthful, isn't it," the Doctor commented. "I think we'll just call you Rob. Is that okay?"

The boy – Rob – nodded.

"Right, so ten men, you think. What else can you tell us about them? Any weapons, either carried or installed somewhere in the house?"

"They have rifles," Rob replied. "I don't know what kind. They dress like soldiers and one of them seemed to be in control of the others. There's a woman too – she doesn't dress like them but they all take orders from her."

"Clerics, and Madam Kovarian," the Doctor didn't miss the way River's expression hardened at the mention of the other woman's name. "Who else is locked away?"

"My sister, Ruth – she'd only five. I'm nine. My mother's here too, and my Dad," Rob revealed. "The servants must be as well, but they're still working because they bring me meals every day." He swallowed visibly, trying to look brave. "Are you going to help my father?"

"Yes, yes we are," the Doctor declared confidently.


	7. Humans, so naïve, so trusting

_"Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides."_

_André Malraux_

" _I_ am going to help your family," River corrected imperiously, smiling at Rob.

"Hang on, what's this 'I' business?!" the Doctor protested.

"You're dead, remember?" River said after grabbing his arm and dragging him out of ear shot. "Madam Kovarian believes their plan to kill you at Lake Silencio worked. She can't see you here – they'll be after you again if she does."

" _Damn_ ," he thought grimly, scowling. She was right. As far as the Silence was concerned, their plan to get rid of the Doctor had worked. Their reason for doing so had certainly been a success, despite the fact that he was still alive. They'd silenced him as surely as if they had killed him – he had no intention of ever going to Trenzalore. Which begged the question even more – what did they want with River now, when they should be basking in the glow of their success?

"We need to find out what they want with you," he reminded her. "It's too risky for you to do this alone."

"I didn't say I'd be doing it alone sweetie. You'll be helping me set things up and then I expect you to have the TARDIS warmed up and ready to go when I need you."

"Right, so I'm going to be a glorified taxi service," he grumbled, disgruntled. Things with River never went the way he wanted them to. "Fine, what's your plan, then?"

"The eye drives operate on a specific frequency," River began. "We know they can be altered remotely because that's what the Silence did in Egypt. We can use that to our advantage –"

"– by sending out our own signal," the Doctor concluded.

"We can render every cleric and Madam Kovarian herself unconscious whenever we want," River finished. "What's more they won't expect it because Egypt never happened for them – they'll never have shown the full capabilities of the eye drives to anyone so they'll fully expect them to be invulnerable. It'll work this time but once we've used it, next time they'll probably have some kind of defence against it."

"Well, hopefully there won't be a next time," the Doctor pursed his lips thoughtfully. He didn't like it, River out there at the forefront when they really had no idea what to expect ... but she was right, there really wasn't another way. "Okay," he allowed reluctantly, "that's all well and good but how do you intend to find out what they want with you?"

"Why, by knocking on the front door and asking of course," River replied smugly. "I can pretend I'm simply responding to Coe Senior's enquiries, let them take me by surprise. Once we have what we need you can set off the signal from inside the TARDIS. We'll round them up and contain them and have the Coe family bring in the authorities. It won't keep them away for long but at least they'll know there's no point in holding this family to hostage anymore."

"And if the signal doesn't work?" the Doctor asked.

"You'll make it work," River said confidently. "It's what you do."

"It's what I do," he repeated in a low tone, wishing it could always be true.

________________________________________

It was a simple plan, relatively easy to implement. After the Doctor dropped River back at her parent's house he returned to Coe Hall, cloaking the TARDIS in the back gardens as before. While River 'arrived' home for her usual visit, borrowing the car to visit Smythe et al in a surprising return from the dead, the Doctor researched everything he had on eye drives, testing and retesting until he was sure he could send out a frequency burst encompassing the entire house and grounds that would render all wearers unconscious.

Once he was done all he had to do was wait for River to show up. It took hours, the sun only an hour from setting by the time the Pond family car pulled slowly up the drive. He watched through the external sensors as River got out, straightening her nineteen fifties skirt – borrowed from her mother – and walked with a sexy, high heeled swagger up to the door, bold as brass.

"Oh you bad girl," he murmured, impressed and amused in spite of the situation.

Moving back to the console the Doctor engaged the listening device he'd given River earlier – the only way he'd know when it was time to set off the frequency burst. Undetectable of course, even by Madam Kovarian’s standards, assuming the Silence would even think to search River.

It was hell to be the one sitting in the background while she did all the work. Understanding why it was necessary didn't make it any easier, even though he knew if Madam Kovarian caught even just a glimpse of the TARDIS, let alone of him, River would be in mortal danger.

"Mr Coe?" River's voice came through loud and clear.

"Yes, how can I help you?" a man's voice – the unfortunate Robertson Rogers Coe the First presumably.

"My name is Melody Malone," River introduced herself. "I've just come from a meeting with Harvey Symthe. He indicated that you were most anxious to talk with me so I took it upon myself to visit without an appointment. I hope that's okay."

" _Ms Malone?_ " Coe sounded incredulous.

"Yes, that's right," River confirmed.

"Oh, thank God," Coe murmured, his relief palpable. "Please, come in."

The sounds of footsteps and cloth rustling was the only clue the Doctor had that River was proceeding into the house.

"You have a lovely house Mr Coe," River commented. "This room in particular is wonderful. Is that a Hepplewhite period mahogany sideboard, circa 1780?"

"It is," Coe replied. "This room – the reception room we call it – along with the rest of the house is furnished with the original pieces chosen by my father when the house was built. He had a fondness for antiques."

"And excellent taste," River complimented. It was clever, how she let the Doctor know exactly where she was inside the house. Front section, ground floor, according to his copy of the original building plans.

There was a pause filled with more rustling before she spoke again. "Perhaps you could tell me what you wished to speak with me about."

"I am but a messenger myself Ms Malone," Coe began. "Let me ring for a servant to bring to us the person who _can_ explain."

The bell sounded and then Coe instructed someone called Lucy to bring Madam Kovarian.

Coe waited with River in silence, probably too nervous about the outcome, the promised safety of his family, to make idle conversation.

"Well, well," the familiar sneering voice of the front woman for the Silence filled the room and the Doctor imagined he could hear River's pulse quicken. "Melody Pond, in the flesh. You are quite the fugitive, aren't you?"

"Madam Kovarian," River acknowledged, no hint of what she was feeling in her voice.

"You two know each other?" Coe asked.

"Of course we do, you imbecile," Kovarian snapped. "You don't think we'd go to all this trouble for an ordinary woman. This one is special, aren't you Melody?"

"I don't understand," Coe muttered.

"You don't?" Madam Kovarian sounded like she was smirking - the Doctor hated the way she did that. "Then it's lucky for us the progress of the human race didn't depend on you, isn't it Mr Coe."

"What about my family?" Coe demanded, his voice shaking as he abruptly realised the true danger of his situation. "You said you'd free them as soon as I brought Ms Malone to you."

"She lied," River said gently. "It's what she does, using innocents to do her dirty work for her. She'll use and use until nothing's left and then discard you like meaningless trash."

"So bitter," Kovarian seemed pleased at River's assessment.

"I'm sorry," Coe said earnestly. "I'm so sorry Ms Malone. I truly believed her when she said no one would get hurt, including you. I would never have agreed to lure you here otherwise, regardless of her threats."

"It's not your fault Mr Coe," River excused his actions. "I know how persuasive she can be."

"Is that compassion I hear," Kovarian laughed. "How touching. Sergeant, remove Mr Coe, before all this incessant sweetness makes me sick."

"Wait, my family!" Coe protested, his voice shifting away from River's position. "You promised!"

"Earth humans, so naïve, so trusting," Kovarian laughed. "They make it too easy."

"I'm sure you didn't lure me here to talk about the human race," River dismissed. "What do you want?"

"You know, some manners wouldn't kill you," Madam Kovarian sneered.

"What do you want, _please_ ," River repeated with exaggerated patience.

"What I've always wanted, to assure the continuation of life as we know it," Kovarian began. "You know of the question, the first question, the one that must never be answered."

The Doctor sat up straight, listening intently.

"I've seen the prophesy," River confirmed. "On the fields of Trenzalore, at the fall of the Eleventh, when no living creature may speak falsely or fail to give answer, a question will be asked. A question that must never, ever be answered," she quoted. "It never mentions what the question is, nor what will happen if it is answered."

"Silence will fall," Kovarian intoned ominously. "The voice of all living beings will be cut off as if it had never been. For this we contrived the death of the Doctor, because we believed it was he who alone held the answer."

It was what the Doctor had always believed too, that somehow if he went to Trenzalore, what he knew would spell the end of everything. He wasn't sure how, since the answer was harmless, on the surface. He had suspicions of course, but no way of confirming them, not without risking the very ending Kovarian was so worried about.

"And now?" River laughed suddenly. "Surely you don't think _I_ have that information?"

"You are the doctor's wife," Kovarian said. "We believe you do in fact have the answer to the first question - that you might now be the only person alive with that knowledge. He would have placed it somewhere inside your mind, _Mrs Doc-tor_." She laughed.

"Oohhh," the Doctor breathed out, suddenly understanding. _His name_.

As a child he'd been referred to as Theta, only taking on the title of The Doctor when he'd left Gallifrey behind. If Dorium was correct and the first question was 'Doctor Who?' - well, no, it didn't really matter if Dorium was right or not because his information came from the Silence and clearly they believed that his name was in fact the answer to the question that must not be answered. So, that being the case, Madam Kovarian was right. The Doctor _shouldn't_ be the only one with the answer. As his true wife, River would know his Gallifreyan name, the one he'd been given at birth that had never been spoken aloud again. It wasn't well known but it wasn't a secret either that Gallifreyan marriage custom included the exchange of true names – Madam Kovarian's group would have sufficient resources to have ferreted out that illuminating detail. What they didn't know was that there was no need to do anything about River's knowledge because within a few weeks she would be gone, all the knowledge in her head going with her.

"Only with your ending will the knowledge be lost forever," Kovarian finished.

"Oh, I think not," River retorted.

That sounded like signal enough for the Doctor. With a flick of a switch he sent out the pulse, waiting impatiently for River to let him know it had worked.

"Come on River," he begged, getting up and making his way to the TARDIS doors. "What's taking so long?"

All clear Doctor," her voice finally gave him the news he was after. "Come on inside."

Hurrying down the path the Doctor entered the house through the back door, quickly making his way to the reception room where Madam Kovarian and River had talked.

Inside he found the Coe family already busy restraining the unconscious Madam Kovarian and the cleric soldiers. River stood close by watching, her face expressionless in that way the Doctor knew meant she'd have questions for him very soon, the kind he'd never wanted to answer.

"Doctor," Rob hurried to him as soon as he saw the Doctor in the doorway. "You did it," the boy said.

"Melody did it," the Doctor corrected with a small smile.

"Yeah, but you helped," he insisted. "Come over and meet my family," he added, grabbing the Doctor's hand and tugging him forward.

"Mother, father, this is the man I told you about," the boy announced as soon as they were close enough. "This is the Doctor."

"We can't thank you enough for what you've done," the boy's mother gushed. "Robert assures me these people would have killed us all were it not for the intervention of you and your wife."

"They were only here because of me so I hardly think thanks are necessary," the Doctor replied. "Now, I suggest you call the authorities. Tell them everything that's happened up until the point when Melody and I arrived. We'd appreciate it if you come up with a story to explain overpowering your captors, leaving us out of it."

"But surely you should take credit for your actions," the elder Coe protested.

"They won't stay behind bars for long," River joined them to explain. "Once they're out they'll continue to come after us. If we have to take time to make police reports it won't give us sufficient opportunity to get away."

"Oh, I see," Coe nodded reluctantly. "Well, I can't say I'm happy for us to take the credit but I understand why it's necessary. I still feel responsible for drawing you here Ms Malone – if leaving you out of it helps then of course, I'm happy to do so."

"Do you know why they want you?" Mrs Coe asked worriedly.

"They think I know something, but I don't," River told the other woman, carefully keeping from looking at the Doctor. He sighed. Yes, he'd have to reveal most of the story as soon as they were able to take their leave.

"Can't you just tell them that?"

River laughed. "They aren't the kind of people who'll just take my word for it."

"No, I suppose they aren't," Mrs Coe acknowledged sadly. She pulled her daughter closer, the little girl so silent and watchful after her ordeal. River would have been like that under Madam Kovarian's rule … it troubled the Doctor to imagine that time in his wife's life … when she was at her most vulnerable and he was powerless to make any of it better for River.

"We need to go," he told River intently.

"We do," she agreed. Turning to Coe and his family she nodded. "I'm sorry a misunderstanding dragged you into all of this. If any of this looks like its coming back your way, contact Rory Williams of Sunnyside Gardens. He'll know how to get in touch with us. I'll have to send someone to get the car as well – you might get to meet him anyway, if he decides to come for it himself."

"Thank you," Coe replied. "I'm sorry I let myself be used by these people. I wish I'd been stronger."

"I don't," River said bluntly. "Without you I wouldn't know where I truly stand. All knowledge is powerful, even the kind you find out isn't as you thought."

The Doctor winced. He was in for it … the only question was how bad it was going to get and what he'd need to do to fix things.

"Leave it as long as you can before calling the authorities," he advised as they made their way to the door.

If the Coe's thought it strange their unlikely savours disappeared through the back garden instead of down the front drive, they didn't have the chance to comment. River said nothing as they walked but she was apart from the Doctor – it was unmistakable the way she kept a distance between them, the way she was determined that no part of her should brush any part of him.

As soon as the TARDIS door closed behind them, she turned, folding her arms across her chest. "We're not really married, are we?" she asked, her voice devoid of emotion.


	8. Why?

_A lie that is half-truth is the darkest of all lies."_

_Alfred Tennyson_

"Ah, adhering to the strictest interpretation, not precisely, no," the Doctor replied reluctantly. There was no point in lying when clearly she'd already worked out the truth for herself, a truth he was almost as surprised about as she was. Given their crazy upside-down existence he'd always assumed it to be an occasion still in his future but in her long ago past. He'd never considered the possibility it would be something they'd do in sync, and so late in River's timeline.

"The ceremony on top of the pyramid?" River questioned.

"Even if it had been fully real, that time line no longer exists," the Doctor admitted. "The fact that we remember it is just an anomaly of close exposure to the time vortex."

"And yet, all this time, you let me refer to myself as the Doctor's wife," anger bled through now, the kind that was real and cut deep because it was accompanied by genuine hurt.

"Because you _are_ my wife River, in every way that counts," the Doctor said earnestly. "Whether we shared a true ceremony that followed every custom of the Time Lords doesn't matter. It's always been about what we feel."

"It's only the fact that I know you believe that one hundred percent that's keeping me from smacking the crap out of you right now," River said grimly. She turned away, her shoulders tense. "Why?" her voice was rough and all at once the Doctor felt like crying himself. It was too much, upsetting her like this on top of the grief he still had churning away inside.

"Because of what happened today!" he shot out. "For us to marry in every sense of the word is for me to share information that will get you killed. Forgive me for not actively pursuing an event that would put that level of danger on you!"

River spun around to face him. "What information could possibly warrant so much caution?!" she shouted.

The Doctor thought back to when he'd tried to explain to Winston Churchill why it was so important for him to die. "Imagine an event so horrible that every aspect of life as we know it, everything that makes it miraculous and wonderful and special is just gone, never to be gotten back," he began. "If you knew that such an event would happen because of one man, and only one man, because of what he and he alone knew, what would you do?"

" _Doctor_ ," River protested.

"What would you do River?" he demanded harshly.

"Silence the man," she said reluctantly.

"Precisely," the Doctor congratulated bitterly. "The only way to ensure that event could never happen would be to get rid of the one person who had the knowledge to make it happen. Now suppose that two people had that knowledge instead of one. Is your answer any different?"

"No," River shook her head. "I know what you're referring to, what Madam Kovarian and the Silence believe, that you hold the answer to a question, that if asked at the right time and in the right place, will spell the destruction of everything. What I don't understand is why we're falling in with what they believe. Who's to say that's what it even means when they say that 'silence will fall when the question is answered'. It could just as easily mean something entirely different."

"You know as well as I do that it doesn't matter what we believe. It matters what other people believe because it's their beliefs that shape their actions, and right now their actions are all about removing you from life because they think you know something you don't!"

"Fine, then you might as well just tell me anyway, since I'm going to be killed one way or the other," River retorted.

The Doctor opened his mouth to speak, and then just as quickly closed it. "You're right," he said abruptly. He'd always wondered what would drive him to take so drastic a step, given the dangerous potential consequences they were now actively experiencing – it seemed today he was finding out. He almost trembled visibly because, really, did the universe hate him so much that it would force him to marry his already dead wife so close to the end for them both? He'd hoped that River at least had enjoyed years of marital bliss, as it were. With a sigh he resigned himself to a course of action he'd always both wanted and feared above all others.

"I am?" River seemed flabbergasted that he'd given in so easily.

"You always were far too smart for your own good Professor River Song." The Doctor smiled.

"You're deliberately trying to confuse me now, aren't you," River accused.

"On the contrary, I'm trying to bring some clarity to our upside down life," the Doctor replied. "I always knew it had to happen, although I must admit that recently I've seriously wondered if I was wrong, even though the evidence was there and impossible to misinterpret."

"If you don't stop talking in riddles I'm going to shoot you somewhere very painful," River warned.

"It's close to being a spoiler but we're so close to the same time point respectively I think we'll be okay," the Doctor mused. "I can't reveal the details of course but there is one event I've lived through that you've yet to experience. During that event you reveal that you know my name River."

She blinked, frowning. "Your name?"

"How much do you know about Gallifreyan history?" he asked.

"Quite a bit," River revealed. "The TARDIS gave me all the highlights when she taught me to access the Gallifreyan part of my DNA so that I could understand the language."

"So you know the significance of our names?"

"I know that the first Time Lords in particular, the ones in power, became more and more secular as time went on, more determined to maintain their privacy," River offered. "They made the language impossible to translate unless you were born of Gallifrey, and they buried much of the true history of your people."

" _Our_ people River," he corrected intently. "When the cult of Pythia was overthrown, Pythia herself cursed our people to sterility. We would have disappeared from existence were it not for Rassilon. He created the great Looms, giving us the ability to weave new Gallifreyans by using extant genetic material. We truly are the product of our ancestors, more so than any other race. Our true Gallifreyan names are bestowed upon us at the point of creation – they come directly from the Loom and it's believed they represent our true selves, those the Loom most used in our creation. For that reason these names become secret, never to be spoken aloud, for to know someone's true nature is to have complete power over them."

"But you know your name, your true nature?" River queried, intrigued by the story as the Doctor told it.

"Of course I know my name but the truth of what it means is locked within my mind, just as it is for all Gallifreyans," he revealed. "It was the rule of Rassilon that no Gallifreyan should know from which others he or she came. What we achieve should be based on who we are now, not who and how many we were before. No one really knows what would happen if that knowledge was unlocked, what it might do to the person concerned."

"So keeping it a secret from everyone is what, protection?"

"Protection," the Doctor agreed simply. "Each time the name is acknowledged by the bearer there's a risk knowledge from the Loom will be unlocked. There are only two occasions when the risk is deemed justifiable. At the moment of creation, when it's bestowed, and when we take a life mate. There are no secrets between husband and wife and this includes the secret of our names."

"Oh," River sighed, clearly charmed by the romance of what the Doctor had revealed. "So on the pyramid, when you said you'd told me your name, that wasn't just a throwaway line to hide what you really revealed."

"If the ceremony had been real, I would have given you my name," the Doctor replied. "Now that you know the full truth, is that something you still want River?"

"According to what you've already experienced, I've already answered that question," River returned. "Yes, it's what I want."

" _No_ , not because it's something that's already happened!" he shot back impatiently. "Right now River, with what you know, not what you believe will happen, do you want to be my wife in every sense of the word?"

"I want to know you as no one else does," River said simply. "I want there to be no secrets between us. Yes, I want to be your wife in every way that's possible."

"Very well," he agreed, taking a determined step towards her.

"Wait," she held up a hand, stopping him in his tracks. "What about you? You say one thing but do another – I know you wouldn't risk a paradox, even though you all but encouraged me to. What do you want Doctor ... the truth," she added, giving him a narrow eyed, warning kind of gaze that said somehow she'd know if he lied.

Their eyes met and he found that he couldn't look away, even though emotion was rising inside him like a tidal wave. He knew what she would see, his grief and the knowledge that he would lose her, but he couldn't stop it. "I want you to be safe," he ground out, his voice rough.

"And that's all?" she asked gently.

"No, that's _not_ all," he almost yelled. "I want to go back and stop the Silence from taking you. I want you to have grown up an innocent child surrounded by the love of your parents and a host of siblings. I want you never to have met a man called the Doctor because then you'd have always been safe." He stopped, his breathing harsh in the silence.

"You love me," she said, the wonder full in her voice.

"Of course I love you!" He knew he sounded irritable, but really, how could she not know what had driven him practically since the moment he'd met her?

"There's no need to get angry my love," she said mildly. "Now, since it seems we're on the same page here, it's well past time, don't you think?"

"To get married?" he struggled to switch gears. "Now, you mean?" He’d been all set moments ago before she’d derailed him with her questions.

"No time like the present, isn't that what you always say?"

"Not always," he protested. "In fact, I'm fairly sure I've never said that."

"Doctor," River warned.

"All right, fine, right now, with no preparation or ceremony or any of that nonsense," he abruptly agreed. "Just don't blame me when your mother gets wind of this – I fully intend to tell her the rush was all your doing."

"Whatever makes you happy dear," River dismissed, smiling. "What do we need?"

"Nothing specific," the Doctor held out his hands, relaxing when River took them without hesitation. Her skin felt warm and soft but there was strength there, and confident purpose in the way she gripped him.

"We've done this before, communicated telepathically," he reminded her, tugging her closer until they were chest to chest and his breath was stirring the hair around her face. "All you need to do is let me into your thoughts. I'll do the rest. Ready?"

"I've been ready for years," she replied, smiling.

She closed her eyes and he stood there, drinking in the beauty and serenity of her features. It surprised him when her eyes shot open and those blue green orbs glared up at him. "Today, if you please," she urged impatiently.

"Oh, right, sorry," he apologised, flushing slightly. She smiled smugly and then closed her eyes again.

Closing his eyes too he leaned forward until his forehead was resting against River's. At first he just let himself sense her thoughts, like the branches of a tree. They had a central point but went off in many different directions, leading to other thoughts, other pathways. River's mind was as complex as she was – he could have spent hours appreciating that complexity, to know her completely, but it wasn't the time. What he needed to do was find a place within her mind where he could store the knowledge of his name but provide some protection for her as well. She had to be able to call up that knowledge when needed – he more than anyone knew the day would come when she would – but not be vulnerable to anyone with a modicum of telepathic ability who could just come along and steal it.

In the end he decided to construct a new pathway, locking it much as he imagined the knowledge of his true self was locked inside his own mind. From the core he built a new branch, extending it out further than all the others and planting many false offshoots. It was a complicated maze of alternative paths before he was done, the failsafe that would allow her to bypass everything for immediate access well hidden. At the centre he stopped, making a more active connection to River so that they could communicate.

" _Do you feel what I've done?_ " he asked.

" _I feel something new because I can feel you where you are, otherwise I wouldn't have known anything was different,_ " River replied.

" _Excellent,_ " the Doctor sent her a burst of satisfaction, one he knew she'd feel in all those interesting womanly places.

" _You tease,_ " she accused, but with enough humour that he knew she'd loved it.

" _I can't speak my name aloud, even within your mind River, but I can place the knowledge of it inside you._ "

" _Does that mean I still won't know what it is?_ " River sounded disappointed.

" _Before we leave this place inside your mind you'll be able to look for yourself,_ " he promised her. " _Once we do leave though the knowledge will be locked from you unless you have need of it. It's just to make sure you're not vulnerable to telepathic attack. In the future, when you have need of it, think of this moment and of this me, and the knowledge will be there for you to reveal. Okay?_ "

" _Yes,_ " River agreed.

" _Here goes then,_ " the Doctor steeled himself and then forged a special kind of link between his and River's mind. He'd only done so once before, so long now and so many incarnations ago that sometimes it seemed those times belonged to someone else. The locked part of his mind was connected to the same part he'd created inside River's – he felt the shift of information and resisted the temptation to look more closely within himself, learn more at one of the few times when he could, when Rassilon's restriction was at its weakest. When it was done he broke the connection, immersing himself fully in River's mind again.

" _Now there you go, River Song, Melody Pond,_ " he deliberately repeated the words from their pyramid ceremony. " _You're the woman who married me._ "

" _That's it?_ " River thought, surprised.

" _You have my name, isn't that enough?_ "

" _Of course it is,_ " River replied quickly. " _It's just that the last time you said we had to do the quick version._ "

" _And now you're wondering what's in the long version?_ " the Doctor smiled. " _River Song, always wanting to know everything._ "

" _Is there a long version?_ " she asked, suspicious.

" _If you're interested in Gallifreyan ceremonies, the more boring the better, then yes, there's a long version,_ " the Doctor replied. " _We've always done everything back to front River. If you find out what's involved and you still want to do it, then I'll play along. For now, wife, we're done. Are you ready to return to the TARDIS?_ "

" _Do I get a wedding night?_ " River teased.

" _A wedding night?_ " the Doctor repeated weakly.

" _You have heard of one, right?_ " River was too amused at his embarrassment.

" _Of course I have,_ " he said indignantly.

" _Well, we never had one the last time,_ " River reminded him. " _You've always held back and I have to say it's been trying waiting for our timelines to be in sync enough for intimacy to be an option. Now that we're truly married, don't you think it's time?_ "

" _It's time,_ " he agreed abruptly. It wasn't a secret that he desired her, even thought they'd done little more than dance around each other all the years since they'd met. Prior to coming to New York it had been one of his regrets, that he'd never had the nerve – never felt he truly had the right – to know River in the physical sense. It seemed he was getting more than one second chance that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's given kudos for the story so far. For this chapter I've relied on the Doctor Who wiki, since I've never watched the original Doctor Who myself. I've taken a fair bit of license with Gallifreyan history/practices because one aspect of Doctor Who I was keen to explore in this story was why all the Time Lord true names are secret, why they go by titles like The Doctor and The Master. It might be something covered in the original Doctor Who series but I didn't find anything in my research - so this is AU really, as I've come up with my own reason! Lastly, I went 'short version' on a wedding here because I've already written a long version in my other Doctor Who story and I don't think I could write anything different or better than that. If you're interested, it's chapter 17 of The Doctor and the Shadows. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	9. "Don't thank me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a comment at ff.net last chapter suggesting that it was farfetched that River and the Doctor had never consummated their relationship. This was an aspect I thought hard about in writing the story and I based my decision that they hadn't mostly on how they behaved towards each other in The Angels Take Manhattan as well as a comment I saw somewhere or other that Matt Smith, when asked about River and the Doctor, suggested they didn't have that kind of relationship (sorry, can't recall now where that came from). In Angels, the Doctor was still too eager to impress her with his appearance - the hair and breath check is more like first/second date behaviour, the stuff you get over once you're really comfortable with someone. They didn't behave in an intimate fashion during the episode - in my mind they didn't give off a long married couple vibe. This is just my opinion of course and you are more than welcome to have a different one! I did want to clarify it though, just in case anyone else had the same questions/thoughts.
> 
> This is just a short, fluffy chapter really, before the story progresses again. Thanks for reading!

_"If we commit ourselves to one person for life, this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather, it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession but participation."_

_Madeleine L'Engle_

He gave River a few moments before he fully broke their mental connection, enough time for her to look at the knowledge he'd left for her. When he opened his eyes it was to see her open hers almost simultaneously.

"Hello," he said softly.

"Hello," she replied, smiling.

"Mrs Doctor," he added.

"Mr Song," she teased. Lifting a hand she caressed his cheek, her expression turning intent. "It wasn't what I expected," she admitted.

"What, a ceremony that takes place entirely in your mind?" the Doctor queried. "That's Gallifrey all over, isn't it? We do love our privacy."

"I suppose it is," she agreed. Shifting closer, she signed, wrapping her arms around him. "Thank you," she said."

"I've put you in danger River," he said. "Calling you my wife all these years when I should have protected you. Don't thank me."

"All those things you want to take away, Madam Kovarian and the rest of it, I can't want the same thing," she admitted. Leaning back, her arms still tight around him, she met his eyes. "When will you understand what you mean to me? I'd go through all of that and more to be the one who gets to stand with you now, because I love you more than anything."

"I know," he acknowledged, "and still, a large part of me wishes that wasn't true."

"We are a pair, aren't we?" River chuckled. Reaching up she pulled his lips down to hers, kissing him purposefully.

"River," he broke away, breathless.

"Don't you dare pull away from me this time," she warned.

"I wasn't going to," he nodded to the display. "I need to move the TARDIS first - we're still parked at Coe Hall."

"Oh," for once River was the one to blush. She'd been so involved in the two of them she'd actually forgotten where they were. He had too, for a time, but he didn't tell her that of course.

Unable to resist, the Doctor leaned down to kiss her again. He was somewhat unsteady on his feet, and definitely not fully focussed on what he was doing when he stepped up to the controls. "Take us somewhere safe," he told the TARDIS, pushing the lever up to get them going. The TARDIS hummed – if he didn't know better he'd think she was amused at his and River's antics. Although, perhaps she was. It had certainly taken them a very long time to get to this point.

"Shall we retire, wife?" he asked, holding out his hand.

"Oh, definitely," she agreed, taking his hand, her confidence back.

It was a moment out of time. He knew that things would still end the way they had to end but he could push it aside. River captivated every one of his senses and he revelled in it, knowing that he wouldn't get another chance, not like this.

"My River," he murmured once they were in his room.

"Yes, yours," she agreed, plastering herself against him.

He pulled her up to him, kissing her because he had to. They were two passionate people whose feelings ran deep and that translated in how they loved each other.

There was a frenzied, desperate quality in how he went about it but River didn't seem to mind. In fact she was with him all the way, like somewhere deep inside she too knew this was a unique opportunity for them to be together like this. Only after he had her naked and underneath him, in _his_ bed where he'd always dreamed she'd be, did the Doctor slow to appreciate the miracle of it.

"River," he said again.

"Don't stop. Kiss me," she demanded, surging up to grab at him.

That's when he lost it completely, giving himself totally over to the power of being with River Song. He'd not been with anyone in more years than he'd kept track of, hadn't felt the need before River ... hadn't wanted to take the risk of truly getting that close to another person. After, he couldn't have described the individual moments of their first time together. All he'd be able to say is that it had changed him, inside and out, that he felt complete in a way he hadn't since Gallifrey fell.

As he lay in the darkness, a still naked River held tightly at his side, he had to wonder. Was it better to have had this time with River? Surely it would hurt all the more when she left for the last time, because he knew more than ever just how much he was losing.

\-----------------------------------------

They spent weeks in the TARDIS enjoying their own private honeymoon, nothing of the outside world intruding. It was a perk of being a time traveller – they could take as much time as they wanted and still return to the real world the same day they'd left it.  
Eventually River remembered her duty and announced that she had an expedition she really had to get on with. 

"Nothing complicated," she reassured the Doctor as she prepared to leave.

"Then don't go," he pleaded. "Let someone else do it. You can move in with me instead."

"After," she promised. "We'll go and get my things as soon as I get back. I made a promise Sweetie – you know I have to live up to it."

"Maybe I should handcuff you to our bed, make you my love slave," he suggested, not entirely joking.

"I thought we'd already lived out most of your fantasies my love," River teased.

"I'm over a thousand years old. It'll take more than a few weeks to get through all the ways I've imagined having you," he shot back, refusing to feel embarrassed with her anymore. "If you stay I'll show you a few of my favourites."

"Promises, promises," River purred, sidling up to him and giving him a heated kiss.

He had hopes that he could distract her into staying but too soon she broke away, sighing as she reached up to wipe the lipstick from his mouth. "Hold that thought," she said.

"Forever," he murmured under his breath, forced to watch her gather her things together.

"I think that's everything," she announced soon after.

"Got your screwdriver?" he asked.

"Right here," she reached into a side pocket in her bag, holding it up for him to see.

"Don't go breaking into places just for the fun of it," he cautioned.

"Me, break in?" she grinned. "Never." She slung her back over her shoulder and walked to him. "Time for my goodbye kiss," she announced.

He held on longer and tighter than he should have. Surely she was suspicious, what with how obvious he was being about her not going. She didn't comment and he held in the words that wanted to burst forth. He kissed her good bye and he let her go, because he had no other choice. He was a time lord but time was not his friend, not that day.

"I need you to do something for me River," he said, just as she was about to activate the vortex manipulator, leaving him he could only assume for the last time.

"Anything my love," she promised.

"When you see me next, Darillium was the last time we saw each other," the Doctor requested. "Forget New York, forget our marriage and our time here in the TARDIS. In your mind you have to be convincing. We went to Darillium, me in my new suit and haircut, you in your pretty dress. The towers sang and I cried, but I wouldn't tell you why. Can you do that for me?"

"You're actually admitting that you cried?" River seemed astounded.

"I am," he agreed. "Please, don't ask me why."

"Spoilers?" she asked solemnly.

"The worst kind, yes."

She stood, considering him for a few moments before nodding. "Darillium was the last time I saw you," she agreed.

"Thank you," the Doctor took her hands, tugging her forward and hugging her again. "Be careful out there," he urged.

"It's just a simple archaeological survey," she promised him. "I'll be back before you know it." She smiled, stepping back and blowing him a kiss before pressing the button on the manipulator, disappearing in a flash.

"No, you won't," the Doctor whispered in a broken voice. River was gone and this time he feared it was for good.


	10. It's time to buck up your ideas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the delay in posting the next chapter - no excuse really since the chapters are all there ready to edit and post. I will endeavour to get back some of the enthusiasm I initially had for this story ... oh, and thank you to those who commented or gave kudos since I last posted. Your interest is much appreciated.
> 
> Now, if you recall, when we last left the Doctor, he'd just said goodbye to River, sure this time that he'd never see his wife again ...

_“When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching - they are your family.” Jim Butcher_

The Doctor went back to Amy and Rory, in the absence of anywhere else to be. It served a purpose to hang around since he wanted to make sure there would be no fall out from Madam Kovarian’s interference in the events of 1953 New York.

When Amy asked how it went, the Doctor glossed over much of the detail, telling the Pond’s he and River had successfully ousted the Silence from Coe Hall and that River had gone to the Library.

“How do you know?” Amy asked. “I mean we all thought we’d already seen the last of River and there she was, turning up on our door step asking to borrow the car.”

“Because she lied to me, at the Library,” the Doctor revealed. “She told me a particular outing was the last time she’d seen me but it wasn’t.”

“And that couldn’t happen again?” Amy asked hopefully.

“It could I suppose,” the Doctor allowed, “but I don’t think it’s likely. I wouldn’t rule out coming across younger versions of River still, not completely, but within her timeline the Library is happening for her, right now.”

“You couldn’t stop her from going?” Rory asked.

“Gave her every clue I could without coming out and telling her she wouldn’t come back,” he said bitterly. “Didn’t make a difference.”

“But she knew, right?” Amy asked.

“She’s too smart not to,” the Doctor agreed. “Either she thought she could change the outcome or she understood just like I did when it was my turn in Utah, the responsibilities of a time traveller. She had no choice but to go and I had no choice but to let her.”

“The Teselecta!” Rory exclaimed. “Couldn’t that trick work again?”

“You’ve already thought of that too, haven’t you” Amy said before the Doctor could answer.

He nodded. “It’s not like Lake Silencio. I had the sonic screwdriver with her consciousness inside in _my_ hand. _I_ plugged it in, and I _checked_ that it worked. I saw that River was still there, inside the library system, freely able to live a life of sorts inside Charlotte’s world. There’s no way I can duplicate any of that with a Teselecta. And if I changed any of those events who’s to say our history would play out the same?”

“Do you really think saving River would change things that much?” Amy countered.

The Doctor sighed, considering how best to expand on all the thoughts he’d had, the conclusions he’d drawn.

“Option 1, I take her place in that chair – risky because if I die, my older self isn’t there to meet River in her past, making her a living paradox. If I succeed there would still be implications – possibly _serious_ implications. Option 2, I stop her from saving all those people. No way she’ll thank me for that, not to mention I’d have to cross my own timeline to do it, which is forbidden for a reason. Option 3, I rig something up so River does it all the same but it doesn’t kill her. That one sounds promising doesn’t it, until you think about the possible serious side effects. My younger self doesn’t see River sacrifice so much for him, so calm and brave and _loving_ , maybe that changes everything. Maybe he’s not quite so open to her in his future, and maybe he just doesn’t get the message when she needs him to turn up to save her.”

“Because you were always backwards forwards,” Amy commented sadly.

“We were, which is why I can’t save her now,” the Doctor agreed.

“Even if you’d lived your lives in parallel you still couldn’t have saved her,” Rory pointed out. When the Doctor looked at him quizzically, he shrugged. “Your younger self wouldn’t have been there – no foreknowledge that there would even be a problem. You’d have sent River off none the wiser – the only difference is you’d have nothing to feel guilty about now.”

“If that’s your attempt to make me feel better, it’s not bad,” the Doctor gave a small smile. “The only trouble is, if Ten wasn’t there at all the whole thing would play out differently. River might have gotten her team out without even knowing there were others to save. It was my stupid plan to retrieve everyone that led to her death. I think, without me, she’d have gone on for a very long time yet.”

"It's easy for you to say that, but we'll never know for sure, so there's no point in speculating," Amy said decisively, not pointing out the obvious to her friend - that without him and his intervention in her life, River wouldn't have existed at all. "No point in you torturing yourself with the what if's either," she told the Doctor sternly instead. "It's time to buck up your ideas and get back on that horse."

“Buck up my ideas?” the Doctor repeated, suddenly amused. “Who even says that anymore?”

“It’s 1953,” Amy was impervious to his teasing. “Everyone says it, along with a whole lot of other things that really should be scrapped from the English language.”

The Doctor laughed and the tension in the room dissipated enough for them all to breathe a little easier. “So, when do I get to meet this son of yours?” he changed the subject gratefully. “I’m starting to wonder if you haven’t made the whole adopting thing up.”

“Of course we haven’t made it up,” Rory retorted. “You’ll see tomorrow – you can come with us to pick him up from the bus station.”

“The bus station,” the Doctor repeated, grimacing. “Not really my cup of tea, is it?”

“Then this will be another first you can add to your list,” Rory advised him, obviously having no intention of letting his time travelling friend off the hook.

The Doctor nodded, thinking about River and their marriage and how his entire relationship with her had been a series of firsts … and lasts. He’d never feel for anyone what he still felt for her … never.

\--------------------------

Meeting Anthony Brian Williams turned out to be a highlight for the Doctor. It had been a long time since he’d taken such delight in the simplest of things, like kicking a soccer ball around Amy and Rory’s back yard, or talking about which team would win the championship that year.

It turned out that the Pond’s had ensured their son would have an appreciation of those cornerstones of their old life in England, football being one of them. Amy insisted it had nothing to do with the Doctor’s love of the game but he knew otherwise. They’d missed him just as he’d missed them and teaching their son his favourite Earth sport was a way to keep the Doctor close.

“How many times can you knee the ball up without dropping it?” Anthony asked, beginning to bounce the ball from one knee to the other in quick succession, counting as he went.

“Don’t know, never counted,” the Doctor copied the boy with his own football, the two sharing the grin of comrades committed to the same purpose. “How many can _you_ do?”

“I got all the way to sixty last time, and then Mum called me in for dinner,” Anthony sighed, shaking his head.

“I know, _mothers_ ,” the Doctor agreed. “No appreciation for the important things.”

“Mine isn’t that bad,” Anthony had to admit. “She’s easily the best one, especially compared to all my friends.”

“You have no idea just how cool your Mum is,” the Doctor replied. “Seriously, you’ll have to ask her about the times her and your Dad went travelling with me. You won’t believe some of the things they got up to.”

“Can’t _you_ tell me?”

“Ah, not without asking first,” the Doctor insisted. “Your Mum is right scary when she gets her dander up. A wise man knows to save that kind of reaction for something really important. Besides, I think she’d love to tell you about her younger years herself, when she thinks you’re old enough.”

“I wish she could see that I’m old enough _now_ ,” the nine year old complained.

“Another thing mothers and sons rarely agree on.”

“Did you, with your Mum?” Anthony asked curiously, catching the football, his count forgotten. He was more interested in the stranger his parents seemed to know so well and the window it opened for him to learn more about the two people who’d chosen him to be their son.

“I can’t really remember,” the Doctor explained, still bouncing his own ball from knee to knee. “It’s been a long time since I thought about any of that.” He sighed. “I do remember looking forward to a ceremony the children where I grew up all participated in – mostly because it meant I’d get to go away to school and I thought I’d have a lot more freedom than I did at home. I was about the same age as you at the time.”

“Did you get more freedom?”

“More than I knew what to do with,” the Doctor said, stopping his ball work and giving Anthony a very serious look. “Be careful what wishes you yearn for my young friend, because having them granted isn’t always a good thing. Now I’d like nothing better than to have my mother around, telling me to pick up my socks and get to bed at a reasonable time.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever feel like that,” Anthony insisted with childlike certainty.

“Cherish every time your Mum scolds you or tells you No, you can’t do something,” the Doctor advised, “because they’re all just another way for her to tell you she loves you.”

Anthony nodded. “Your Mum is dead, isn’t she? Were you naughty? Because my friend Adam says that’s what happens when you’re really naughty. He was so bad his Mum yelled at him and then stormed out of their house and then she didn’t come back.”

“You’re right, my mother is gone now,” the Doctor agreed, “but no, I wasn’t naughty ... well, not very much. You might not think it kid, but I’m a lot older than I look – people die but not because anyone was naughty or said the wrong thing. It happens because it’s a part of life.”

“My Mum is sad,” Anthony shared. “Someone called River died and now she cries every night. She doesn’t think I can hear her.”

“I know,” the Doctor’s own voice filled with sadness. “Did she tell you who River was?”

“My older sister,” the boy offered. “I should feel sad too, shouldn’t I? But I don’t, except for when I hear Mum crying. That makes me sad.”

“Of course it does, because you’re a good son,” the Doctor said gently. “No one expects you to feel sad about River. You didn’t know her as more than just someone your parents talked about – your Mum told me mostly River visited when you were at school, that you only got to see her a handful of times, many of those when you were just a baby.”

“Didn’t she want a little brother?” Anthony asked hesitantly.

“Oh, I’m sure she did,” the Doctor exclaimed, “but things were … complicated for her. Above everything else she would have wanted you to be safe – you and your Mum and Dad.”

It was a decision he could easily see River making, staying away from her little brother to protect him. He imagined Amy and Rory would have both encouraged River to claim the family connection owed to her and how stubbornly River would have insisted it wasn’t necessary, that Anthony was safest being completely separate from any taint her troubles might bring him. It made the Doctor sad to think of all she’d missed – all Anthony had missed – because of River’s stubborn determination to go it alone. “I wish you’d known her better because she was just about the coolest person you’d ever meet and I know she would have loved you to bits.”

“Did _you_ know her?”

“She was my wife Anthony, so yes, I knew her, very well.”

“Oh,” Anthony exclaimed. He frowned, mulling over this latest piece of information. “Does that mean we’re related? William, another friend, has this older brother who’s married, and he gets to call the wife his sister-in-law. Is that right?”

“Sister in law would be right, although in our case it would be brother-in-law instead,” the Doctor grinned suddenly,” and yes, I guess it does mean we’re related. I’d be very happy to be your brother Anthony.”

“Me too,” Anthony grinned back. “Do you have any stories you can tell me, you know, about travelling and stuff?”

“I can tell you what I’ve learned, the really important things that mean the difference between getting where you’re going and getting left behind,” the Doctor suggested. “The first, clichéd as it is, is to be prepared. You should always take with you the tools of your trade so you’ll have them readily at hand when you need to use them.”

“What tools do you have?”

“Just one, but it’s the coolest tool of all,” the Doctor said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the sonic screwdriver to show his young friend. “I call this the sonic screwdriver although it’s not really a screwdriver at all. Don’t tell your mother I admitted that – she’s been protesting for years about what I named it.”

“I won’t,” Anthony promised, all of his attention on the foreign looking device in the Doctor’s hand. “What does it do?”

“Just about anything you want it to,” the Doctor couldn’t help but boast. “I made it when I was very young and then, as the need arose, I upgraded it. Now it has so many settings even I forget what half of them are for.”

“Can you show me?” Anthony gave the Doctor an imploring look.

“I can’t see why not,” the Doctor fiddled with the settings, deciding a simple sonic pulse would more than impress the boy. Green light shot out of the tip, hitting the grass and sending up a small puff of dirt.

“Wow,” Anthony exclaimed. “Do it again!”

“Okay, how about this?” the Doctor changed the settings and activated the tool again. It did what he’d intended, sent out a bubble of glowing green light to surround them, but it did something unexpected as well.

It began to beep.

Ominously.

“What’s that?” Anthony reached out to touch the device but the Doctor quickly pulled it away.

“Don’t touch it,” he cautioned. “Usually it’s completely harmless … but not always. Best to play it safe when you don’t know what you could be getting yourself in to.”

“Why is it beeping?”

“That’s a very good question,” the Doctor said, holding the display screen up so he could read the information scrolling past. “Well, isn’t that intriguing,” he muttered, eyes narrowed.

“Isn’t what intriguing?” Anthony grabbed the Doctor’s wrist, intend on not being left out of what was clearly going to be another adventure.

“Oh, sorry,” the Doctor refocused on the boy and gave him an apologetic smile. “It’s beeping because it’s picking up an energy signal and it’s coming from inside your house.”

Really?" Anthony seemed delighted at the prospect, presumably because he had no idea what an energy signal was nor the danger it could bring. To him it sounded exciting and mysterious. "What should we do?"

“We should go and look for the source of course,” the Doctor announced, sharing a smile with his new co-conspirator.


	11. Welcome to the TARDIS

_"Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore." Andre Gide_

The Doctor headed immediately for the door, stopping only to urge the boy to follow him.

Keeping his attention on the sonic screwdriver, he and Anthony walked slowly through the back door, down the corridor and left towards the kitchen. As they drew closer the Doctor observed the signal getting stronger and stronger.

"We're getting closer," he told Anthony in a low voice. "When we go inside, I want you to act as naturally as you can, alright? If I'm correct, we don't want to do anything that'll give away that we're on to them."

"On to who?" Anthony whispered.

The Doctor held a finger to his lips, giving the boy a meaningful look that said it was time for quiet now, with explanations to follow later.

When they walked into the kitchen, the signal peaked at the highest level. The Doctor made an adjustment to the screwdriver as he turned in a slow circle, refining its detection strength. 

"Where does your mother keep the Jammie Dodgers?" he asked in his usual voice even as he pointed triumphantly to the framed photo Amy had on the side bench – one of the few that featured the Doctor and River, with Amy and Rory also there. A family photo from a time when everything seemed much simpler.

"She never lets me eat biscuits between meals," Anthony replied, doing a credible job at normal.

The Doctor gave him an encouraging nod. "Yes, but she's not here is she? As my host it's _your_ job to keep me happy, and right now what would make me most happy are Jammie dodgers and hot tea."

He reached for the kettle with his other hand, making enough noise to cover lifting the photo so he could get a look at the back. Half of his attention was on tea making, the rest on turning the frame around.

" _Clever_ ," the Doctor mouthed silently. There, in the groove where the backing met the edge of the frame, was a small, square component, barely noticeable but one he recognised immediately. A listening device, one far too sophisticated to belong to 1953. Thankfully it had short range detection – at best their listeners would hear what went on in the kitchen and the hall outside but not much more. Of course, there could be other devices around the house to cover every area – he'd have to check in a moment. For now he was more interested in using the one he'd found to track back to the source.

"What's this? No biscuits?" the Doctor feigned disappointment, hoping Anthony would know to play along.

"Dad must have eaten the last one," Anthony grinned, enjoying his role even though he probably didn't yet understand specifically why they had to be so secretive. The Doctor wasn't sure his young friend realised his actions were real and not just an elaborate game to entertain him. "Mum's always complaining he does that."

"Well then, I expect we better hoof down to the local, pick up another pack before your parents get back," the Doctor suggested, holding the framed photo away from his body as he moved carefully towards the door. "Keep your Dad out of the dog house for another night."

"We don't have a dog," Anthony offered, following along as the Doctor led the way from the kitchen.

"No dog? I thought a boy and his dog was one of those unwritten rules of childhood," the Doctor commented in a lower tone as they walked back down the hallway.

"Maybe you could tell my Mum about that," Anthony suggested hopefully.

"Perhaps," the Doctor agreed.

When he judged they were far enough away for anyone listening to expect performance to drop away, the Doctor stopped, holding a finger to his lips so that Anthony would know he had to be quiet now. Taking out his sonic screwdriver, the Doctor widened its range and slowly scanned in a circle around them. Glancing at the display he nodded. There was at least one other device located inside the house but they were outside it's listening zone, meaning he was free to move forward with his plans. He picked a new setting on his screwdriver and aimed it at the bug all in one smooth motion. There were no sparks or smoke but he gave Anthony a satisfied nod.

"That should do it," he told the boy with a grin. "It's okay for us to talk now - quietly though, okay."

"That should do what?" Anthony asked. "What is that thing?"

"A listening device, more commonly known as a bug," the Doctor revealed grimly. "Someone is very interested in our conversations my young friend."

"Who?" Anthony asked. Clearly he didn't really understand the implications, but because of the Doctor's manner he looked worried, sending the Doctor immediately into feeling guilty. Amy and Rory had left Anthony with him for one morning and already he was frightening the boy.

"I don't really know," he answered the question, his tone jovial in a 'nothing to worry about here' manner. "We can find out though, if you're game."

"You mean like an adventure, like my Mum and Dad used to go on with you?" Anthony asked, shifting to intrigued and eager to hear more.

"Exactly like that, although hopefully with less running," the Doctor replied. "I'll probably be in trouble with your parents when they find out I took you with me, but the thing is, there's only a small window in which I'll be able to use the TARDIS to locate where the listening station is. It won't take them long to work out we've discovered and disabled the kitchen bug so time really is of the essence and I can hardly leave you here alone … can I?"

He looked at Anthony quizzically, not completely sure he'd got that right. Nine seemed young for the responsibility but he hadn't really interacted with a lot of Earth children, so perhaps he was wrong.

"Mum never lets me stay home by myself," Anthony confirmed. "Besides, I _want_ to come with you."

"Of course you do," the Doctor agreed. "Who wouldn't, eh? Come along then Master Williams," he headed for the back door, making his way across the lawn to where the TARDIS sat, cloaked because Amy had insisted she didn't want her son asking every five minutes if he could see inside. Maybe he was showing off just a little when he snapped his fingers decisively and was rewarded with the TARDIS door swinging open silently, the warm light of the control room welcoming them.

"Welcome to the TARDIS," the Doctor said expansively, opening his arms wide.

"Neat," Anthony breathed out in wonder, his eyes wide as he looked around. "It's bigger on the inside."

"Everybody says that," the Doctor felt ridiculously happy that another Pond offspring was aboard his TARDIS.

Heading around the console he pulled out a drawer from the side wall, rummaging around looking for something. "I'm sure it's here somewhere," he muttered, throwing aside a few items before spying some familiar wiring near the bottom. "Ah, there you are old friend," he smiled, pulling his find free of the drawer and holding it up triumphantly.

"What is it?" Anthony moved closer, already over his initial TARDIS induced surprise. Kids, always so adaptable and accepting … some of the Doctor's fascination with what some would argue were childish pursuits was directly related to that facet of youth he'd always strived to emulate. Adaptability was often the difference between disaster and finding a viable but not predictable solution.

"It's a bug catcher," the Doctor announced, "only it seeks out electronic bugs rather than living ones. Now, if we connect up our little friend here," he put the bugged photo frame on the console and then gently removed the device, plugging it into a small slot at the top of his machine and carefully connecting the wires, "and give it some power," he added, placing the machine on a special panel on the TARDIS console below the display screen, "we should get some interesting results."

The contact alone would not only power his bug catcher but enable the TARDIS systems to track the listener and pinpoint where on Earth they were located. "Here goes," he smiled across at Anthony, enjoying himself perhaps a little more than was appropriate. It had been too long since someone new had been inside the time machine and he realised abruptly that he'd missed sharing the wonder of new discoveries, missed seeing his sexy blue box fresh through new eyes.

It only took a few moments for the device to work. On the screen overhead a map of New York appeared but it didn't stay static. Instead the view zoomed out until it was a map of the United States and then further still until all of Earth was visible.

A blue dot appeared in space, hovering over their location, pulsing silently and ominously.

"Oh, that _is_ interesting," the Doctor exclaimed.


	12. You took my son off the planet?

_"One trouble with trouble is that it usually starts out like fun." Uncredited_

"It seems the goings on in the kitchen of Amy and Rory Williams is of interest well beyond the bounds of this planet. Now that is worrying," the Doctor voiced his thoughts, frowning as he considered what they'd talked about most recently in that very kitchen.

"You mean, like aliens?" Anthony asked.

The Doctor blinked – for a moment he'd been so caught up in the discovery he'd forgotten the boy was there. "Perhaps," he allowed, unsure just how much the Anthony's parents had shared about the Doctor they'd travelled with years back. It suddenly occurred to him that the youngest Williams, despite the evidence of the TARDIS they currently resided in, had no true idea of who the Doctor was. "Nothing wrong with aliens though, right?" he said with a forced smile.

"Not the good ones," Anthony agreed. "The bad ones are probably just like bad people here, like Tommy Baker at school. He picks on the little kids until they give him their lunch money."

"Well, that doesn't sound very nice at all," the Doctor frowned, distracted for a moment. "But in general yes, you're right. Good and bad comes in pretty much every variety of intelligent life there is. You're well up on the game working that out for yourself at this age."

"My mum says I'm precocious," Anthony shared.

The Doctor laughed. "I can see why."

"So are we going to go up there?" Anthony pointed to the still pulsing dot on the screen.

"We are, but when we get there you'll have to do exactly what I say and stay in the TARDIS," the Doctor gave the boy a stern look, "and no waiting until my back's turned to sneak off. Your Mum was always doing that and it caused me no end of trouble."

"I'll stay here," Anthony promised, his whole demeanour so earnest the Doctor had to believe him.

"Very well." Springing into action the Doctor fired up the controls, playing the instruments like a master pianist as he directed the time machine out into space. He glanced over to see Anthony watching him intently, his face full of wonder. "There's time for a quick spot of sightseeing," he told the boy.

Deciding showing was better than telling, the Doctor hurried to the door and swung it open. "Come and have a look," he encouraged when Anthony looked apprehensive.

"How?" Anthony moved forward cautiously and then stopped, his eyes glued to space, for all intents and purposes within easy reach.

"The TARDIS can project a bubble of atmosphere around us," the Doctor explained. "Technically we'd still be inside if we stepped out – of course because otherwise we'd be subjected to the vacuum of space and even I can't survive that for more than a few minutes."

"Wow," was all Anthony could manage.

"Look at you, Anthony Williams, space traveller," the Doctor said gleefully, "and a full decade and a half before anyone born in your time managed it!"

He let the boy have a few more minutes to appreciate the wonder of floating in space before regretfully closing the door. "Best have a look at our listeners, before they detect us," he said, bounding back to the controls to see what the TARDIS could tell him about their destination.

"It's a large ship," he announced, "which is good because it means I can land us inside. Lucky for us there's no evidence of shielding - it being 1953 and all they probably assumed no one nearby would be able to detect them, let alone board their ship." Putting actions to words it only took a few moments before the sounds of a landing time machine echoed through the control room. "Right," the Doctor regarded Anthony intently. "I'm going to have a quick look around out there while you stay in here and hold down the fort."

"Okay," Anthony agreed in a small voice, looking worried.

"What's wrong?" the Doctor asked.

"What if you don't come back?" Anthony asked. "What do I do then?"

"Don't be silly, of course I'm going to come back," the Doctor scoffed, grinning. "You really are a great deal like your Mother though, so I'll humour you. I could be quite a while, given it's a big ship and it might take me some time to find the interesting parts. If you're worried and it's been, oh I don't know, let's say four hours just to play is safe, then the TARDIS will take you home." He punched in the commands to make sure he could live up to that.

"What about you?" Anthony persisted.

"I'll be fine," the Doctor insisted. "If I get held up and you end up back home without me, the TARDIS will return back here immediately – she'll be ready and waiting for when I finish up. Now, is that satisfactory?"

"I suppose so," Anthony agreed, not looking completely mollified.

"Since you'll probably get bored waiting for me, the draw to your left has a few harmless gadgets you might enjoy trying out," the Doctor added. "See how many of them you can figure out the purpose of before I get back."

"Neat," Anthony turned immediately to the draw, eager to begin.

Sure that everything would be taken care of in his absence, the Doctor left the TARDIS, moving swiftly and silently from the room he'd parked the ship in and down the narrow corridor outside. The design and materials of the vessel didn't give away its origins – it was the stock standard grey metallic finish many races seemed to favour, the height to the ceiling comfortable for anyone of a similar stature to his own.

He had his suspicions though, based on recent events. Rather than oust the perpetrators the Doctor simply wanted to find out more about their motives. Was River still in danger or had he done enough to ensure she'd make it to the library without further incidence? Was it crazy to strive so hard for River's safety when he knew full well how short lived it would be? Deep down he knew it was just a way to remain important to River, to keep her close … a means by which he could justify not letting go just yet.

At the end of the corridor he came to a t-junction and had to decide whether to go left or right. He decided on right, for no particular reason really, other than that it had always been his favourite direction. Continuing forward, he silently passed a number of closed doors – crew quarters possibly – until he came to a set of doors that could only lead to an elevator of some sort. The doors opened smoothly as soon as he stopped in front of them for more than a moment. Peering inside first – he'd learned from experience that it paid to check whether there was a floor and a ceiling before proceeding inside – he stepped forth.

"Just your average ordinary internal transportation capsule," he muttered to himself, pulling out his sonic screwdriver and scanning the control panel. There were no buttons so it was probably operated by voice command. The system would no doubt register immediately that he was not a part of the crew were he to request they take him to the control room or bridge or whatever they were calling the place where all the action took place. He'd have to provide his own controls. "Ah, there you are," he smiled, aiming the sonic and activating it purposefully.

The effect was immediate, the lift zooming upwards, hopefully taking him to the command centre of the ship. The doors swished open a minute later onto another non-descript narrow corridor. The Doctor stepped out and continued his journey forward - it was a risk, the chances that someone would stumble across him ever present, but he didn't let that stop him. At best all he could do was minimise the time he spent out in the open. After a few minutes he came to an access door barely visible in the wall that would suit his purposes. Prying it open he ran the sonic over the general area. Not detecting anything of concern he stepped into the small space, designed to allow engineers to work on repairs and maintenance of the systems all hidden away behind the walls. It looked somewhat like scaffolding for a building site, all metal poles attached to the walls with narrow walkways suspended above and below. Replacing the access hatch so that his presence wouldn't be detected by someone passing by, the Doctor looked around, finding a metal ladder that appeared to lead up.

He had to hunch his shoulders so that he didn't hit his head – the engineers must be quite a bit shorter than he was if they could work comfortably there. Grabbing a metal rung he pulled himself upward until he was standing on one of those metal causeways. Giving it a testing bounce – it shook a little and swayed more than he liked but seemed to be stable, the Doctor proceeded forward again. From the scan he'd taken in the lift he had a general idea how far he needed to go. His intention was to find a vent or something similar that would allow him to listen to what was going on in the command area. He found just the thing about where he'd expected to find it – all he had to do was lie down on the metal scaffolding, and then hang over the side to get his ear in the right place. It was uncomfortable and it was lucky he was a time lord and not a human otherwise the effects of having blood rushing to his head would have been most uncomfortable.

At first all he could hear were the general sounds of the ship in operation. One voice, he dubbed them Navigator, reported that their geosynchronous orbit was stable. Another, dubbed Security, added that monitoring of Earth channels confirmed that their presence had not been detected.

"It's 1953," a snide, all too recognisable voice sneered. "These people haven't worked out how to slice their bread automatically or how to colour their televised programming. We could park ourselves on their front lawns and they'd still be unable to work out what we are."

"Oh, that's a bit harsh," the Doctor whispered, taking offence on behalf of his favourite planet. Madam Kovarian was human but from the very distant future, he'd never bothered to work out exactly when. Sometime after the 53rd century, because she'd had no trouble getting to River at the university in that time line, setting the Lake Silencio events into motion. Kovarian was obviously comfortable with Earth locations but her attitude suggested she wasn't born there. Probably on one of the many human colonies scattered across the universe in the future, the kind that imagined themselves better than the people from their original home.

"What are we getting from the listening devices?" Kovarian demanded. Well, it probably wasn't a demand. She just had that kind of voice and a manner than made everything she said sound impatient and out of sorts.

"It's all quiet at the moment," a third voice, Listener, replied. "They made tea but there were no biscuits so they went out to get some."

"Are we sure this Doctor is a past version?" a fourth and hopefully final – he was running out of ways to distinguish them all - voice asked. This one seemed less subservient than the others, a second in command perhaps? The Doctor decided that must be the case; even someone like Madam Kovarian had to have someone she conferred with.

"Of course I'm sure," Kovarian snapped. "You were there – you saw him fall. You saw his regeneration cycle halted before it could be completed. Oh yes, the Doctor is dead – what little there is left of him is at the bottom of a very deep lake. And the irony that he was murdered by a woman he already knew was dead herself. The dead, killing the dead." She laughed then, not quite an evil 'mwha ha ha' but close enough. "Finding out that little gem makes this trip worthwhile all by itself."

Ignoring for the moment what that last comment implied with regard to the knowledge bugging Amy and Rory's kitchen had provided, the Doctor grimaced. He'd dearly love to drop down and prove Madam Kovarian wrong – imagine the look on her sneering face then! With a sigh he refocussed on the scene below – perhaps there'd be time for comeuppances later, if he were very lucky.

They'd been monitoring the Lake – it made sense, otherwise how else would they have known River succeeded. That's why he'd been able to move about freely since then, because they'd stopped looking for him. Obviously Kovarian had been keeping track of River too – they must have followed her here to Earth in this time frame, and set up whatever tools it was they used to keep River under surveillance.

"I know," Second replied. "It's just weird, listening to him walking and talking now when we know he's dead."

"No weirder than us being here millennia before our own births," Kovarian replied. "With River out of the picture here, once we're sure he's gone we can move on too."

"To the library planet," Second agreed, making it clear their plan of action had already been discussed and agreed to.

"Have we made progress on a defence against the Vashta Nerada?" Kovarian asked.

"We have Ma'am," Security replied. "It's a bit cumbersome but we've created a set of personal light emitters, set to a frequency that simulates strong natural sunlight. As long as you wear the emitters, the creatures should leave you alone."

"Excellent," the Doctor could tell the woman was grinning. "So typical of River to sacrifice herself for individuals so much weaker than she. You know, I'm really looking forward to illuminating her on the many errors she's made."

"She should have joined us," Second agreed. "Still, it's lucky for us she decided to throw her life away, and that we were able to install our listening devices in the Pond's residence after she and the Doctor escaped from Coe Hall to find out about it."

The Doctor winced. It seemed that spilling his guts to Amy and Rory, while cathartic for him, had provided a whole shipload of new fuel for Kovarian's sick mission. He'd be in trouble with River if she ever found out!

"Escaped," Kovarian sneered. "I don't know how they knew about the eye drives but they won't get away from us so easily next time. The answer is still out there for others to seek unless we put a final end to the knowledge."

That was all the Doctor needed. It had been one thing to think that younger versions of River might still be in danger, to amuse himself to an extent stepping in to help her, but it was something entirely different to learn that the River he'd transferred into the database at the Library was in danger too. It wasn't the existence he would have wished for her, but at the back of his mind the idea that a River of sorts would always be there, eternal as long as the Library systems lasted, had been a comfort to him. Now, Madam Kovarian and her obsession with making sure the first question could never be answered, put that eternity at risk.

Making his way slowly but surely back the way he'd come, the Doctor managed to get back to the TARDIS without being detected. On a scale of one to ten, where one was bad, and ten was perfect, his adventures usually ended up on the low side of middle. This time he was almost a ten - unheard of in his experience!

"Time to leave," he announced to Anthony, striding into the time machine, all business.

"But I still haven't worked out this one," Anthony held up a sphere with Gallifreyan symbols engraved all over it.

"Imaginary friend," the Doctor shared, barely giving the device a glance. "You have to be Gallifreyan to make it work. Like me," he added, just in case the boy was still in the dark about his non-humanness.

"Imaginary friend?" Anthony gave the device a longing look before reluctantly setting it aside to move to the Doctor's side.

"Yes, only this one is a holographic projection with a personality module that grows and adapts to fit the child," the Doctor explained. "Designed to only come on when no one else is in the room."

"Neat," Anthony exclaimed, clearly wishing he was of the Doctor's people so he could make this one work.

"Yes it is, but I've come to realise that real, flesh and blood friends are far more satisfying than imaginary ones, even though they don't always do things as you'd like them to." He gave Anthony an intent look. "Hang on to your friends young man – they'll be your greatest treasure, better than all the bits and bobs in that drawer put together."

"Yes Sir," Anthony responded. He gave a sigh. "Are we going home then?"

"We are," the Doctor agreed. "I have to get your back before your parents realise you've gone, and then I have a spot of business to attend to."

"Will you come back?"

"If I can."

________________________________________

Of course his 'ten' on the mission success scale took a downward turn as soon as the TARDIS materialised back in the same spot – where Amy and Rory stood, their arms crossed in a combined show of annoyance.

"Doctor," Amy said pointedly, looking behind him to see her son edging out with a guilty expression.

"It wasn't his fault," the Doctor said quickly, putting a hand on the boy's shoulder to draw him forward. "I practically kidnapped him, isn't that right kid?"

"Um, kind of," Anthony began, "but not really. We went into space Mum. _Space_ ," he said again, just to make the awesomeness of that plain to all. No way would any boy worth his salt not take that kind of opportunity when presented with it!

"You took my son _off the planet?_ " Amy exclaimed, her anger all too clearly escalating.

"Well, yes, yes I did, but I had to," the Doctor scrambled to explain. "They have bugs – listening devices – in your kitchen definitely and elsewhere as well. I had to track one back to the source while I had the chance or we'd never know who and why."

"Our house is bugged?" Rory got in, frowning in confusion. "In 1953?"

"Yes, although those responsible don't belong in this time any more than you do," the Doctor agreed.

"Okay, I'm listening," Amy said in a more reasonable tone, her arm around her son now, holding him close.

"It's Madam Kovarian," the Doctor said, suddenly grim. "It's about River."

"But she's gone," Rory reminded them all unnecessarily.

"Ah yes, but not completely. Everything she was inside, her knowledge, her experiences, her memory is preserved within the Library systems." He gave his friends a regretful look. "I'm sorry Amy, Rory. Because of me your daughter still isn't safe, even in the Library."


	13. I wish I knew how they were all getting on

_"Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself." Deborah Reber_

Living in an imaginary world wasn't as bad as River might have expected, if someone told her years ago that's where she'd eventually end up.

Oh, who was she kidding? It _was_ as bad, no, _worse_ , than any kind of existence she could imagine. At first it was just that she didn't seem capable of truly immersing herself within Charlotte's constructed community – could never let go enough to forget that none of it was real - but to exist, week after week, without ever seeing _him_ , was a constant pain that never dimmed. In fact, as time went on, how much she missed him just grew and grew.

The Doctor. _Her_ Doctor. Her husband for too few days. Oh, the regret she had about that!

That's why it would surprise anyone who knew her if she admitted how much she hated him too, for abandoning her here. He was the cleverest man in any galaxy and the best he could do was to store her consciousness inside his screwdriver and then download her here? She'd always believed herself to be special in the Doctor's life but now she doubted it, because he hadn't really saved her at all. She was his wife, yes, but did that mean so little to him that he could leave her in a place like this, never visiting? Did he know her so little that he wouldn't understand what a torture it would be for her to live without reality, without mystery, without _him_?

Yes, sometimes she found the other edge of that sword of feeling she had for him, the dark edge that was all about anger and what she'd do to him to exact revenge, if he ever dared show his face here again.

Thankfully those times were still rare enough they hadn't changed her. Her biggest fear was that she'd come to the day when the balance would shift, when her hatred would outweigh her love. That would be the day when she'd want to end it all ... if only she could.

\---------------------------

At heart, River had always been an educator and an academic, and the library contained enough material to keep her busy for some time to come. Once she'd resigned herself as much as she was ever going to that this was her life now, there was no real choice but to be practical.

Rather than sit day after day reading everything, she'd 'created' a life for herself that suited her leanings. She was still Professor Song, teaching Charlotte, other Dave and Anita about Archaeology to start with and then other subjects as she mastered them herself. She'd tried to get Miss Evangelista interested but, although smarter than anyone had given her credit for in the real world, the young woman just wasn't interested in books. Of course, the absurdity of that wasn't lost on anyone, given their current and as good as eternal location. Still, Eve found plenty to do, flitting from one pretend story-life to another, mish-mashing a handful of favourite stories in her own unique way. They settled into life as a family of sorts, the five of them.

Time was so fluid that getting any sense of how much of it had gone by was difficult. It could have been years but equally much less than that. River didn't know and it was the not knowing that got to her … all the things she didn't know because they'd happened since she'd come here, things the Library didn't have a record of. She didn't know what was happening with her parents or her young brother. Worse, she didn't know how the Doctor was doing out there, alone probably because he was just that stubborn. She hated not knowing if he was okay. It ate at her, festered, distracted her from truly living as she was.

"Professor."

River turned to see Anita standing behind her. She'd been in her classroom before the next session and had clearly drifted off into her own thoughts. "Sorry Anita, did you need me for something?"

"I was wondering whether it was you who needed something," Anita replied. "You've been distracted lately, like you used to be when we first came here."

"I _have_ been distracted," River agreed. "I'm sorry."

"I wasn't looking for an apology," the plain speaking woman said. "It's just here – we need to keep watch over each other, so if there's anything I can do to help …," she trailed off, giving River a hopeful expression.

"If only it were that easy," River said wistfully. "Does it bother you, not knowing what's going on in the real world?"

"Not really, but then I didn't really leave much behind to wonder about," Anita replied. "Other Dave and I were friends back then and we still are now. I was never close to my family. Now that I come to think of it, none of us have strong ties to our previous lives."

"Except for me," River shared. The others knew that she had a husband and she'd tried to explain how they could have met a version of him that wasn't the man she'd married and then given up because it was too convoluted even for her. Since those early days she'd never mentioned everything she'd left behind.

"You mean the Doctor?" Anita queried.

"The Doctor, yes," River smiled. "He's been a big part of my life since before I was born but he's not the only one. I have parents and an adopted brother as well. Grandparents too, although they don't really know me as their grandchild."

"That's a lot to leave behind," Anita agreed, "but if you had died, for real I mean, with none of this," she gestured around them," then you'd still have left them to mourn you. It's no different, is it?"

"That depends on what you believe happens after we die," River allowed. "I'd like to think that you get the chance to watch over those you loved in life, which makes it very different to here. We go on Anita, but we don't change, we don't progress, while in the real world outside, time moves on. The more things stay the same here the more I find myself tormented by what I don't know of that real world."

"You're worried about the Doctor and your family," Anita concluded, understanding.

"Yes, I am," River agreed. "I wish I knew how they were all getting on."

"Maybe there's a way," Anita suggested. "Shall we ask CAL?"

"A way to find out what's happening outside the Library," River commented, falling into step with Anita because there was no harm in doing otherwise. That fluidity of time thing was an advantage because she and Anita could take as long as they wanted on this side quest and still return to the classroom just as the other students arrived.

" _CAL_ ," Anita stopped in the centre of the large green they'd all first materialised in and called up to the sky. They'd agreed early on that there might be times they wanted to communicate with the full version of Charlotte Lux, the one fully aware that she was embedded into a computer system and the real world it was contained in. Charlotte had agreed and they'd come up with the idea of using the large green lawned area for that purpose, as well as to referring to Charlotte as CAL so they'd all make the distinction between the system and the little girl personified inside of it.

"Anita, River," CAL appeared before them immediately. The smile on her face was pure Charlotte but there was a mature air about her the little girl didn't have. She was also dressed differently, choosing to appear as close to how she looked as the interface as possible, her face the only thing showing inside a white robe that covered her from head to foot. There was a kind of glow about her too, as though a second sun shone just on her. "How may I help you today?"

"River would like to know if there's a way for you to get an update on events going on outside our world here," Anita spoke for River.

"It's not that important," River tried to protest but the two others ignored her.

"She misses her husband," Anita shared, "and she's worried about him too."

" _She_ is standing right here," River reminded them pointedly.

"The Doctor _is_ one for getting himself into frequent trouble," CAL agreed. "Since his first visit here I took the liberty of reviewing and analysing all mentions of him within the vast materials stored in the Library catalogue. If there is even the smallest chance for the unexpected to occur, with him around it is more than likely to do so."

"Trouble does have a way of finding him," River agreed, deciding she might as well enjoy the chance to talk about her husband since neither CAL nor Anita were going to be convinced by her insistence that her concerns weren't important. They all knew she was lying in any case – it was as important as anything got. "I never asked before but can you tell me how long it's been since we came here?"

"Accessing external chronometer," CAL said, her face going blank of expression for a moment before she blinked. "Two years, five months, three weeks, four days."

"So long," River murmured, saddened. The Doctor hadn't visited her, not in all that time. It meant he never would now, because even if he turned up tomorrow and she discovered that he'd just mistimed his arrival it wouldn't matter. She knew he hadn't visited and therefore he couldn't. That's why she'd never asked about time outside their make believe world, because it hurt too much to find out you'd been left behind, forgotten.

"I can search for the nearest satellite and attempt to link myself to it," CAL offered.

"What's the point?" River countered in a low tone. "They've all moved on and so should I."

"Maybe you'll be able to do that more if you can assure yourself that they don't need you anymore," Anita suggested. It was meant with the kindest heart but still it hurt even more. River Song wasn't needed anymore.

"Searching now," CAL announced before River could protest. She closed her eyes, her expression peaceful and intent. It made the shock of her eyes snapping open and full of fear all the more confronting. "There is an alien ship in orbit above the planet. They are attempting to override the planetary lock."

"I thought your Doctor made sure that couldn't happen," Anita accused, worried.

"He _did_ , but nothing is fool proof," River returned. "Things aren't static out there, not like in here, which means there are always upgrades and improvements; better locks and ever increasingly ingenious ways to break through them. I should know, I've broken into a few impenetrable systems in my time."

"What can we do from here?" Anita asked.

"Nothing," River said bluntly. "CAL, can you tell us what's happening now?"

"They hammer at my gate," CAL moaned, her expression twisted into pain. "Make it stop. Make it stop!"

"CAL," River moved closer, putting a reassuring hand on the girl's shoulder. "I know it hurts but you need to put that aside as much as you can. We need help and you're the only one who can bring it to us."

"I can't. It's too much," CAL cried out, bending low and clutching her head. "They consume my capacity to resist."

"What does she mean they consume her?" Anita watched CAL, concerned.

"It means whatever they're doing is taking up most of CALs primary memory," River explained, putting her arm around CAL as she conjured up from her imagination a park bench for them to sit on. Easing the young girl down, she sat beside her. "The space she needs to do every day things."

"Like maintain this world?" Anita gasped.

"No," River glanced around and decided everything looked as solid as usual. "I suspect she was clever enough to segment this space away from the primary library systems and partition some of her memory just to maintain it. We should be safe here, for the time being."

"She's in pain," Anita ran a fond hand over CAL's hair. "We need to do something."

"CAL," River tried again. "Their ship is in orbit … they have communications systems up there. Use them. Call for help."

"Make it stop," CAL whispered, repeating the words over and over as she continued to rock backwards and forwards, River's arm still around her.

"CAL!" River said more forcefully. "Use their ship. Call for help!"

CAL tensed, her breathing increasing in rate as she looked up and met River's eyes. "I'm …. trying."

River and Anita waited anxiously, watching the girl's internal battle against their unknown foe.

"I did it," CAL said at last. "I sent a distress call."

"Good girl," River hugged her close.

"It doesn't matter," CAL said flatly.

That internal light she seemed to have brightened abruptly and then disappeared, leaving instead of CAL her imaginary form, Charlotte Lux. The little girl burst into tears and threw herself into River's arms, sobbing.

"It's too late. They're inside. They're coming to my Library!"


	14. Best be off then

_" 'When you love someone, it's never over,' Dr. Carruthers replied gently. 'You move on, because you have to, but you bring him in your heart.' " Elizabeth Chandler_

After explaining the situation to Amy and Rory the Doctor took his leave, hugging them both close as their son looked on. This time he didn't promise them he'd come back.

"You've been good friends," he told them, an arm around each. "Keep a close eye on that son of yours. He's going to be something when he grows up, just like his sister."

"Don't do that," Amy begged. "Don't say goodbye like its forever."

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't," the Doctor tried for casually flippant. "Might as well cover the bases, eh?"

"Can you just be serious for once?!" The Scottish in Amy came out when she was irritated ... which when he thought about it she'd often been. He'd been a trial to her, no doubt about it, unintentionally of course ... well, most of the time anyway.

"Me, serious?" the Doctor laughed. "After so many years you're still asking for the impossible Amelia Pond."

" _Doctor_ ," Amy all but stamped her foot.

"Best if I keep it light hearted," the Doctor said quietly, all hints at humour abruptly gone. "Look what happened the last time I decided to get serious about something. You had your baby taken away from you and even the grave isn't far enough away to stop those same people from coming after her. You don't want me to be serious Amy."

Amy turned her gaze on her husband, silent communication between them having Rory turning to the Doctor with a sigh.

"Get word to us when you can. Don't do anything stupid," he instructed, ignoring the way Amy smacked his shoulder. Clearly that wasn't what she'd wanted her husband to say. "Try to help River but if you can't, you get out of there. We don't need to lose another member of the family this week."

"Family," the Doctor smiled. If he'd ever had a family after Gallifrey, the Ponds were it. It was all getting too soppy and touchy feely though and he couldn't have that, especially when his defences were already so low. "Right, best be off then,” he announced with forced joviality. “Anthony, look after your parents, study hard and one day you'll be inventing the kinds of things you saw in the TARDIS."

Anthony nodded, not sure exactly what was going on but understanding it meant he'd probably not see the funny man in the blue box again.

"Rory, I don't need to tell you to look after your family. It's what you do best." The Doctor held out a hand and shook Rory's firmly.

"Amy, don't grieve," the Doctor all but ordered, saving the hardest farewell for last. "Think about that imaginary world and all the places River and I could go there, and be happy for us."

"Is that where you're going then, inside the Library system?" Amy quizzed, sniffing as she did her best to hold back tears.

"It's one of the ideas I have," the Doctor allowed. "I'm making this up as I go along and it depends on whether I can get to the Library before Madam Kovarian and her cronies do."

"Can't you ...?" Rory waved a hand vague, indicating something timey wimey.

"Someone has to get there first Rory, and if I don't time it right, it won't be me, and once it isn't me it can't be me, time machine or not."

"See, I understand all those words separately, but not in the order you used them in," Rory complained in that Rory Williams way of his.

"Wibbly wobbly timey wimey," the Doctor grinned. "Don't forget to let Brian know what happened to you all – I might not get the chance to do it myself."

"I'll take care of it," Rory promised.

"Right," the Doctor hesitated for a moment, gave a little nod, and then spun on his heels. He walked swiftly to the TARDIS, opened the doors and stepped inside, all without looking back.

People believed that looking back was a sign of regard; that you couldn't bear to leave without as many last glances as you could fit in. The Doctor knew that true regard was not being _able_ to look back because it hurt too much to see the people you cared about the most watching you walk away from them.

\---------------------------

Once at the console, he pushed the emotional parting with his friends aside so that he could focus on what he needed to do next, which was to get to the Library with all possible haste. The TARDIS spun, bouncing through the time vortex before bursting back out into normal space.

Instantly, the psychic paper in his pocket gave him a big jolt. Ripping it out he found it blank. Someone was in trouble, but in such a way that all they could do was think about needing help, but not targeted enough to construct an actual message to him. Leaping to the next control the Doctor tapped out commands, scanning space around him.

There it was, a distress beacon, coming directly from the planet below.

He was too late. The Library had already been breached. A quick scan gave surprising results though – it wasn't the ship he'd visited back at Earth. It wasn't Madam Kovarian. Instead an unknown vessel was already hovering over the planet.  
Cursing under his breathe, the Doctor manned the controls, taking the small ship down through the atmosphere to land on a balcony towards the outskirts of the city, far enough out that he could drop in without setting off any alarms.

The one good thing about being beaten to the punch was that whoever was visiting had done a large part of the work for him. The security protocols had already been broken, leaving the Library open for business for any and all who decided to pick that day to stop by.

He'd already taken the liberty of borrowing the solution for the Vashta Nerada he'd overheard. River would laugh when she saw him wearing a low top hat with its own sunlight hovering above. It did its job though, giving him a good foot's clearance all around where the shadows would not be able to encroach. Donning the special hat and patting his top pocket to make sure the sonic screwdriver was in its usual spot, the Doctor made his way cautiously outside.

He couldn't see any signs of activity – probably wouldn't this far out because the other ship was too large to land and was instead in orbit, hovering above the core of the planet. If they had beaming technology then he'd have a job on his hands getting to River before they did. He had to get down to that level too, fast.

Dashing down the stairs the Doctor ran as fast as he could, faster even than the day he'd done this same trip in a different body, with a fully loaded sonic screwdriver clutched in his hand. He rounded a corner and burst into the room with the platform that led straight to the core. Quickly disabling the controls, again as he had that fateful day so long ago, the Doctor leapt, letting the conduit take him downwards at a rapid rate.

He landed hard, a wave of nostalgia and grief sweeping over him when he straightened and the familiar room slammed itself into his senses. It was _exactly_ the same, down to the wires still connected to the control chair. As reminders went, it was as stark as it got. And he couldn't afford to let it affect him. River needed him, even if she didn't know it yet.

Getting out his sonic screwdriver he aimed it at the courtesy node wearing Charlotte Lux's face.

"Charlotte, can you hear me?" he demanded. The lifeless face remained just that, lifeless, no sign of the little girl who ran everything. More scans of the console revealed why. The planetary lock had been breached by force, enough that CAL had retreated to the segmented partition where she kept her imaginary 'real' life, to protect herself. He couldn't do anything from the outside. He needed to get in there.

Glancing around swiftly the Doctor saw the transport station immediately. It would normally just put him somewhere else in the library, unless he could trick CAL into doing what she'd previously done to 4022 people.

Rushing, his fingers flying, the Doctor entered commands to the security system, locking out all the transporters except the one in the core, which would also be locked out until CAL herself was able to unlock them all from the inside. He made sure he himself could also activate the rematerializer from inside the system – he'd need a way to come back if he had to, at a time of his choosing. He also added some extra protections to hide the separate partition. It wouldn't hold for long but it might buy him enough time to come up with a solution to the current problem.

Running to the transport pad he turned, aimed his sonic at the controls, and hit the button. In a flash he disappeared, reappearing moments later in the middle of a large, green grassed field. He wasn't alone though. Sitting on a park bench directly in front of him was Anita, Charlotte Lux, and River Song, the later immediately rising to her feet.

"What sort of time do you call this?!" she demanded accusingly.


	15. I had no choice!

_"Absence from those we love is self from self - a deadly banishment." William Shakespeare_

" _River_ ," the Doctor exclaimed in relief. He rushed to hug her and then stopped abruptly. "It is you, isn't it? You see, I've imagined seeing you again so often I could very well be conjuring you up. You look real enough but I suppose everything in this place does."

River approached, her movements all deliberate as she strolled towards him and then, with no warning, slapped his cheek.

Hard.

" _Two years!_ " she shouted. "You left me here two years ago and you haven't been back since!"

"Really?" the Doctor gaped, astounded. "Two years? Blimey, no wonder you're angry."

"Too right I'm angry," River agreed grimly. "Whatever possessed you to do such a thing as transfer me here, into this …" she struggled to find the right words, " _illusion_?!" She spat the last word out with a grimace, as though it left a bad taste in her mouth.

" _I had no choice!_ " the Doctor all but yelled. "Believe me, if I could have done anything differently I would have but I couldn't because _he_ already did _this_ ," he gestured around in disgust.

"He?" River blinked. "You mean your younger self?"

"Yes!" the Doctor insisted. "When it became clear to me that the next place you'd go – well at least the next place I thought you'd go; shame on you for lying about Darillium by the way – was here, there were so many other ways we could have done this, none of which would have resulted in you being stuck here."

"Then why?" River said, her tone shifting from angry to despairing.

"I don't know," the Doctor insisted sadly. "I don't River. It wasn't my choice even though at the same time it was. I can't explain it. Surely you realise I wouldn't have done this if there was any way around it?"

"Do I?" River questioned. "Because I've had a long time to think too and it seemed clear that putting me here solved a lot of problems for you but absolved you from the guilt of just letting me sacrifice myself for you. Oh, how it must have bitten you in the backside that I was the one in that chair!"

" _River_!" the Doctor protested, horrified at what he'd let happen. She was so angry and too close to the hatred he'd talked with Amy and Rory about. She sounded bitter too and it gave her a hard edge it hurt his heart to witness. He deserved it, there was no question about that, but in his heart he'd hoped it would take longer for her to fall out of love with him and into so much hate. What was he to do?

" _River_ ," he tried again in an almost whisper, pleading this time for something he knew he didn't deserve – a chance to explain … and more than that, a chance to fix things.

"Um, excuse me," Anita broke in hesitantly.

" _What?_ " the Doctor and River both turned as one and shouted their response in unison.

"It sounds like you have a lot to talk about but I don't think now is the time," Anita said quietly. She pointed over their shoulders. "I thought you might want us to do something about that first."

'That' turned out to be a distortion at the edges of the green, presumably the edge of the illusion field CAL maintained for her bodiless friends.

"They're trying to break through," the Doctor commented, his argument with River dropped for the moment.

"Is that possible?" River asked, easily falling back into the sidekick role with her husband.

In truth she probably welcomed the distraction as much as he did. It saddened the Doctor to realise the unknown aliens were less of a problem than the ruins of his relationship with River. It wasn't the reunion he'd hoped but certainly the one he deserved. "It shouldn't be, but then getting into the planet itself shouldn't be possible either," he replied.

"Who are they?"

"I don't know," the Doctor admitted. "Their ship wasn't one I'm familiar with. Given their quick grasp of the 53rd century technology the library uses I'd place them well in advance of that, say another five to ten thousand years into the future."

"What do they want with my Library?" CAL asked.

"Nothing," the Doctor replied. "They want what River has, inside her memories."

"Me?" River frowned. "What do they want that I could give them?"

"My name."

"That again?" River scoffed incredulously. "And there's me, thinking being dead would be the end of those kinds of problems! How the hell did they find out I was even here?"

"That's not really important, is it?" the Doctor felt the flush of embarrassment on his face and cursed the pale complexion of his eleventh persona. "Best we focus on fixing the problem at hand, don't you think?"

"Are you embarrassed?"

For the first time River looked almost happy he was there – perhaps making a total fool of himself would pave the way towards her forgiving him. He filed away that knowledge for later consideration.

"I'm eleven hundred and fifteen," he reminded her, deliberately pompous. "I've seen it all honey, and back again. I don't get embarrassed anymore." They both knew that was a lie – but he was the Doctor and it was a given that he'd at least try!

She laughed outright. "You are! You're embarrassed. Oh do tell! You can't leave a girl hanging like this."

There were so many suggestive places he could have taken her comment, and in the past he would have, just to get another laugh and a sexy swagger or teasing kiss from her. Not today though, not until he ensured her continuing safety, whether she wanted it or not.

"Later," he promised, meaning it. "For now, tell me what you know so far."

"Not much," River admitted, letting him off the hook. "Anita and I were talking with CAL when she detected the ship orbiting the planet. It bombarded her systems with enough force she only just managed to send out the distress call. I assume that's why you're here."

"I was already on my way, but yes, it certainly hastened my journey," the Doctor agreed. "How long did it take them to break through the planetary lock?"

"Not very long at all," River said worriedly, her eyes back on the distortion they were witnessing where none should exist. "It's getting bigger."

"I know," the Doctor replied. "So that's it, no warning, nothing done to draw attention?"

"No," River said at the same time Anita spoke up.

"There is one thing," she offered hesitantly. "Just before CAL detected the ship she was searching for the nearest satellite."

"She was?" the Doctor's brow rose as he put it all together with lightning speed. "You were trying to get in touch with the outside world?"

"Not exactly," River prevaricated. "We just wanted an update on the status of things. You have us locked away in here, sitting blind. Look how well that's worked out for us?!"

"Not blind," the Doctor disagreed. "You still have the Doctor Moon. Why didn't you engage with him to assure yourself about what's going on on the planet?"

"Because she wasn't interested in the planet," Anita said before River could answer. "She wanted news from further afield … about you."

River blushed, not something he saw every day … or ever really. "Do tell," he encouraged Anita with a pleased smile.

"Oh, don't go getting all full of yourself," River said irritably. "You have a knack for trouble – I just wanted to find out how much of it you'd managed to get yourself into in the two years and five months since you abandoned me."

"Ouch," the Doctor winced, putting his hand over his hearts. "Your callousness wounds me wife," he quipped. River was close to smiling – he saw how she struggled to maintain her stern façade and was encouraged. Maybe things between them weren't quite as bad as he feared. Maybe she still held some love for him alongside her anger.

"Do you think scanning outside the Doctor Moon's zone alerted the aliens that we're here?" Anita asked.

"In all likelihood yes, although I suspect it merely speeded their arrival. They were in the area and since the only thing interesting for light years is the Library I've no doubt about their intentions. Charlotte's father chose this location for his tribute very carefully. The relative dearth of other life in this part of space must have been one of the draw cards."

"What can we do then?" River asked.

"We can't defend the Library, not from within the system. I need to find a way to get you out of here, take you with me," the Doctor announced as though he were talking about going to the local shop for bread and milk instead of something the next side of impossible. "At the very least that will draw attention away from the planet and buy us some time to work up a more permanent solution."

"So _now_ you're going to take me with you?" River asked too quietly.

"Yes, and before you point out the inconsistency, let me remind you of something," the Doctor said, meeting her eyes. He let her see the intensity of emotion still swirling inside him and she reeled, instinctively moving closer before she stopped herself. "You weren't my wife then River, not in my heart … you are now."

She let out a sigh and nodded.

"We'll talk about this after we get you out of here," the Doctor promised again, taking her hand and squeezing it reassuringly. "For now I need to leave – just for a short time to allow me to work out how I'm going to create a portable version of the system of sufficient size to contain one such as you."

She smiled at the implied compliment in his words. "Be sure you get back here quick smart this time, mister," she warned.

"I'm with you to stay," he promised, meaning it not just until the crisis was past but forever. He wasn't leaving her behind again, not now that he'd seen her and witnessed just how hard her illusionary life had been. When it came to River Song he already had too much on his conscience.

\---------------------------

Back in the core, the Doctor hurried to check on the status of the Library at the information station. "Show me how many life forms there are in the Library, excluding the Vasta Nerada, and where they're located," he requested of the system, thankfully still in operation despite CAL being inert.

He watched the screen as a schematic appeared, showing multiple blue dots, grouped in two locations, before displaying the words "49 life forms present".

So, excluding himself, there were forty eight unknown assailants for him to deal with. They weren't good odds, especially since he had no intel on what he was up against. Looking at the map again, he realised that one of the groups was closing in on his position, too quickly for him to come up with a plan to stop them. Since information was what he lacked, even though it went against the grain, he decided hiding was his only option. Aiming his sonic at the wall, he opened one of the locked access ports – the one he's previously used when he was fixing the library systems so the problems Charlotte experienced wouldn't happen again – and quickly folded himself inside. It was cramped but sufficient. Of course it wouldn't work if these aliens used any kind of technology to search for life forms as he'd done, but he'd cross that bridge when he came to it.

Moments later the sounds of boots hitting the floor reached him, followed by the leader issuing commands.

"Access the records. Find the woman."

Peering through a small slot in the wall, the Doctor craned his neck to catch sight of these mysterious people. All he could see was what looked like armoured boots and lower legs. They reminded him of the Judoon with their single minded purposefulness.

"She's here."

"Show me," the leader demanded, the boots the Doctor could see shifting away.

He had to wait a few moments – agonisingly slow moments assuming all kinds of things about what they were doing. He was pretty sure he'd made it impossible for them to just delete Charlotte's illusionary world, but he's also learned that impossible was more a concept than a concrete actuality.

"You are correct. This is the woman we came to find," the leader announced. "Prepare the transfer."

" _Transfer_ ", the Doctor mouthed. What transfer, and from where to where?

"The victory of the Kelad is at hand," the Leader roused his troops. "Trenzalore calls. Soon we will have the means to answer."

"Sir, we have activity," another alien announced. "A large group, eighteen in all, coming in from the adjacent tower. They're approaching our location and will arrive in approximately 15 minutes."

"How long do we need to complete our work here?" the Leader demanded.

"An hour Sir," the other alien answered their leader. "The transport device was prepared as much as possible but there is work to be done to align it with this system."

"Very well. You will remain here while we attend to this latest problem."

The sound of twenty nine sets of boots exiting the room was very loud. Once the noise died down the Doctor peered out through the grate again but was unable to see anything. Cautiously pushing open the panel he crept out, keeping low.

At the central console, a lone soldier stood, his back to the door as he worked. At his feet was a large cube, about half a metre in each direction. It looked to be made of a transparent material that allowed the Doctor to see the intricate circuitry inside. Bright blue light glowed and seemed to move through the internal conduits, like blood through a living being. There was etching on the outside as well and the Doctor suspected it served a purpose rather than being an embellishment for decoration.

Shifting back, the Doctor considered his options. He certainly had plenty of intel now – the library had been invaded by not one, but two separate parties. In all likelihood one of them was Madam Kovarian and her cleric soldiers. The other was a race he'd not heard of. The Kelad. They were highly advanced judging from the technology he could see as well as what he understood of the complexity involved in doing what the one before him was currently doing. They seemed to be warrior like in their approach as well, which was the only reason the Doctor hadn't jumped out to introduce himself. Highly advanced he liked, highly militarised, not as much.

He'd promised River he'd return but it looked like that was going to be later, rather than sooner, because the opportunity before him was one he couldn't pass up. He'd had no idea in practice how to remove River from the Library system while still maintaining her consciousness … anything he came up with would probably carry a worrying level of risk that it wouldn't work and he'd lose River forever. Now, right in front of his eyes, was an advanced race who'd spent who knew how long developing the very thing he needed, and the means to make the transfer. All he had to do was wait for the Kelad in front of him to finish the job and hope the rest of his crew didn't defeat Madam Kovarian too quickly.

The Doctor would overpower the alien … somehow … steal the cube and escape in the TARDIS. They'd all follow – they'd have to, leaving the Library and all her occupants safe once again.

As plans went, this one had quite a few holes, but it was the best he had. River would understand the delay, just as soon as he managed to find a way to talk to her again.


	16. My continuing survival isn't the selling point it used to be

_"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." - Albert Einstein_

"I can't believe I let this happen _again_ ," River commented irritably.

"It's only been a few minutes," Anita pointed out.

"I know, but I promised myself that if I ever saw the Doctor again I wouldn't let him just waltz in and get his way," River explained, "and yet here we are, forced to wait on him, with no way of knowing what's going on in the Library."

"On the contrary," another voice intruded. "I can tell you exactly what's happening right now."

River spun, even in her current form something seizing her stomach at the sight of the woman in front of her. She had nothing to fear really – she was already dead, mostly – and yet the business-suited-one-eye-covered-bun-wearing-red-lip-sticked form never failed to tap into her darkest places. She might be a fully grown accomplished woman, but she was also, _always_ , that little girl living in fear, alone in an alleyway regenerating to survive.

"Madam Kovarian," she said as calmly as she could manage.

"River Song," Kovarian smirked, gloating. "Look at you. Look at how _low_ you've sunk, and all for the sake of people too stupid to appreciate what you've given them."

"As always, you understand so little about me," River shot back.

"You're a tool my dear, nothing more. I don't need to understand you any more than I need to understand a laser pistol or an eye drive. I use them for my own purposes and then cast them aside when they are no longer useful."

"And yet, here you are again, on _my_ door step," River pointed out. "It seems you can't do without me."

"An illusion, just as you are," Madam Kovarian smirked again. "You should have stuck with us my dear. If you'd gone along with our programming instead of throwing everything away for a man incapable of appreciating you, you'd still be out there instead of trapped in here. What do you think of your precious Doctor now?"

"I think he's going to be your downfall, in ways you can't begin to understand," River promised with a mocking smile of her own.

"You're mistaken," Kovarian laughed. "You forget that I've already defeated him … it is simply a matter of time before he runs out of days and we are no longer subjected to his prior self popping up when and where he's not wanted."

"Why are you here?" River was suddenly tired of the same dance, the same battle of words.

"To finish the job," Kovarian raised her right hand, the one clutching a pistol River hadn't seen, which she proceeded to fire.

River's body jerked repeatedly as the bullets pierced her stomach and chest. In the background Anita screamed but she could do nothing to reassure her friend. The pain was intense – it felt real because Charlotte's world was designed to feel as real as possible and because the experience itself was so sudden, so unexpected - she'd had no time to prepare herself.

Madam Kovarian grinned evilly … until River smiled smugly, closing her eyes as she blacked out.

When she opened them she was back in her own home and Madam Kovarian was nowhere to be seen. The wounds she's sustained were gone too, as though they'd never been, which of course, they hadn't.

It was a failsafe of the Library system, to ensure that its occupants couldn't take on a tragic role in one of the books and end up deleted for good. River knew, because in her bleakest days she'd done just that in an effort to make what passed for her existence stop. When she'd discovered that she couldn't she'd been so angry at the Doctor but now that knowledge had played to her advantage.

It wouldn't take Kovarian long to work out what happened. She'd follow of course but with any luck River could keep her guessing for long enough to provide a real distraction for events unfolding out in the real world. She couldn't do anything else, everything resting on the Doctor and his actions.

"A pretty home I suppose, if you like this kind of thing," Madam Kovarian appeared suddenly, picking up a trinket and eyeing it distastefully. "Personally I think it's all just a bit boring. Is this make believe world really enough for you?"

"Blimey, that didn't take long," River ignored the woman's comments. "Tell me, was it as good for you as it was for me?"

"Mock me if you must but remember this. Your life is here and here alone. Mine is back at the Library and beyond, where right now my minions are working to remove you from the system, _permanently_."

"I know, but it's going to take time and you're not alone with the books," River smiled. "Do you have any idea who's there with you? I hope they find you soon and crush you like the cockroach you are."

"This for the woman who raised you," Kovarian pouted dramatically. "And after all I've done for you over the years."

" _To_ me," River corrected grimly. "After all you've done to me." 

It was petty and sadly, not permanent, but she did it anyway, drawing her blaster and firing it repeatedly into Madam Kovarian until it ran out of charge. Blowing the smoke from the tip she eyed the still form of her ex jailer with satisfaction. "If only that would last," she murmured, giving the body a good kick as she stepped over it and headed for the door.

" _Where to now_ ," she mused once outside. " _What kind of adventure would Kovarian least appreciate?_ "

She thought for a moment and then grinned, imagining herself back in her pyramid with Madam Kovarian tied to a chair, counting on the systems to be smart enough to deliver her nemesis to her instead of synthesizing a fake.

"This is more like it," River commented as the other woman opened her eyes. "Welcome to _my_ world," she said with a smirk of her own.

Kovarian tugged at the restraints, her expression all pinched and ugly when she realised that the world might not be real but that once you were inside it, it might as well be except for the fact that you couldn't die.

" _I should have told him to disable the fail safes_ ," River realised. That way she could finish Kovarian off once and for all, with no aborted time line to rewrite the whole thing.

"It's not much fun being on the receiving end, is it?" River mused. "And you, so used to being in control." She watched Kovarian close her eyes, clearly trying to imagine the scene rewritten to her advantage and chuckled. "Forget it. I've had years to master the intricacies of what's possible here. You're not the one in the driver's seat now."

"Stop this and I might let you live," Kovarian offered, her expression turning to calculating self-preservation.

"You pointed out yourself that this is hardly living," River replied. "My continuing survival isn't the selling point it used to be."

"We have technology," Kovarian said more forcefully, still trying to escape with no success. She must have thought her minions would have already returned her to the Library by now. The fact that they hadn't, coupled with River's confidence that there were others in the Library, had her worried.

"Not here," River smiled. "Here, you're just like me. I must admit I'm surprised you'd make yourself this vulnerable. If something happens to the transport systems your physical form will just vanish into the core. You always were over confident and now it's coming back to bite you. I'm glad I'm here to witness it."

"We can give you a new body!" Kovarian shouted.

"Can you?" River feigned disinterest. "After so many years, and so many lies, what makes you think I'd ever believe anything you say?"

Kovarian opened her mouth to reply but then stopped, breaking into a smile. "It seems you were wrong my dear. My minions are coming."

River turned to look where Madam Kovarian was looking. There, much closer now, was that same distortion she and Anita had first seen at the green. As River watched, it seemed the middle began to protrude, searching for something. It waved back and forth and then abruptly landed with her in its sights – if it had sights. She was helpless to do anything but stay routed in place as the distortion rushed towards her.

"Goodbye River Song," Kovarian crowed.

"You're mistaken," River managed to gather herself enough to glance back to the other woman. "That's not your minions. That's whoever else is in the Library. If I were you, I'd start worrying."

Before Kovarian could speak, the distortion reached River, touching lightly against her forehead.

Her eyes closed involuntarily. There was noise and brightness and the feeling of being pulled in every direction. She couldn't keep her focus and found herself drifting. When she came too, it was like returning from a daydream when you didn't know you'd been daydreaming until you stopped.

She opened her eyes cautiously, not sure what to expect. She was in a room, plain, white all over, with a single chair and table. On the table was a book … the chair was partially away from the edge, as if inviting her to sit down. She couldn't resist, taking that seat and then looking at the book's cover. When she did, she gasped. There were only two people alive – well one alive, the other not quite dead - who would be able to read it, for the language it was written in could not be translated.

"The Lost History of Gallifrey," she read out loud, her fingers moving involuntarily to run reverently over the ornate symbols.

Turning the cover over, she began to read.


	17. Alien vessel, Origin: Unknown

_"To see clearly is poetry, prophecy and religion all in one." - John Ruskin_

The Doctor kept to his hiding place, watching the armoured alien work. From where he was he couldn't see much and he couldn't risk using his sonic screwdriver to get a peek at how far the alien had gotten because it might reveal his presence.

Luckily, the Kelad reported to his leader as soon as he was finished before the Doctor's patience ran out. "Sir, it is done," he announced.

"The woman is ours?"

"Even now her consciousness resides within the Third Power," the alien laid a hand on the cube device in what the Doctor decided was far too possessive a manner, even for someone who seemed more machine than man.

"Then she reads the book. Soon, she will understand our purpose."

"Shall I retire with her to our ship?"

"Wait for escort," came the reply. "We are but moments from defeating these Silence minions. Would that we could enlighten them to the true design of the prophesy. Time is of the essence and our primary purpose must prevail."

"Yes Sir. I will await your return to the core."

" _Right_ ," thought the Doctor. The transfer was complete; somehow River was inside the cube – the Third Power - and on her way to understanding what was happening. That put her one step ahead of him because he had no idea what book they were talking about, nor the purpose of this prophesy. Given everyone's sudden interest in Trenzalore he could guess it was the First Question nonsense again but it was incredible that it had permeated untold years into the future.

He'd have to leave his own questions and answers for later though, much as he'd like to quiz the fellow in front of him. If the Doctor didn't want to be confronted with thirty armoured aliens with unknown fire power he needed to move fast. Pulling out his sonic screwdriver, he was all set to leap out and stun the alien when the radio activated again.

"Our foes are defeated. Proceed towards the pick-up point. An escort will merge with your route directly."

Without pause, the alien hefted the Third Power up and spun, striding towards the door, his boots clomping the ground ominously as he moved away, disappearing quickly from view.

The Doctor jumped up, hurrying to the information kiosk first and rapidly accessing the map of the Library. He found the nearest aliens, ten pulsing blue dots that put paid to his first plan to grab River's device and run. There was no way he'd be able to defeat more than one, which left him no choice. He had to get himself on to their ship.

Hurrying to the transport disk he activated it with his sonic, landing himself as near to the TARDIS as he could get. From there he sprinted down the corridor, up the stairs and, hardly pausing to snap his fingers, through the open TARDIS door.

Leaping from control to control he got the ship going, cloaking it and taking the breaks off for silent running. The Kelad ship was right there, orbiting above the planet. The aliens below would have to get back somehow and he was counting on them lowering whatever defensive mechanisms they had in place to stop intruders first, allowing the Doctor to get on board.

Sure enough, there was a flash of light from the Library that sped towards the Kelad vessel. The Doctor punched forward the main lever and the TARDIS dematerialised. When it rematerialized moments later, he shut off the systems and hurried to the door for a quick look.

Outside, all he could see was a dark walkway, no aliens in sight. He returned to the controls, bringing up information on his current location.

"Alien vessel. Origin: Unknown."

"Unknown?" he all but spluttered. "How can it be unknown? You're the TARDIS. You're on a first name basis with the time vortex. If you don't know the origin then no one does!"

Grumbling, the Doctor called up a few more screens of information but there was nothing to enlighten him. Still, it _had_ worked. He was inside, with a chance to save River.

"I guess I'll just have to wing it," he announced with a grin. "Business as usual, eh Sexy?"

\--------------------------

He made his way from the TARDIS with very little regard for stealth. He was on an alien vessel, travelling through space … they could hardly kick him off, and even if he ended up in their version of the brig, he'd know more than he knew right now.

"Halt."

The one word command came from behind him. Reluctantly the Doctor turned to see an armoured form before him. The boots had been a good indicator of what the rest of these Kelad looked like. They were tall, impervious looking, and completely indistinguishable from each other with their full suits of armour, helmets and all.

"Why do so many races insist on uniformity?" the Doctor complained. "I mean look at you. I bet even you can't tell each other apart!"

"State your name and the reason for your presence."

"I'm the Doctor," he smiled lethally, "and I've come for my wife."

He expected some show of force, a reprimand, followed by a rapid trip to the brig. Instead the alien nodded. "Come with me," it commanded. "The Leader will be pleased to meet you."

"Oh, you've heard of me then?" the Doctor frowned, following the alien down the corridor. That was a feat in itself. Since the Dalek asylum he'd been practically a ghost, so few were the surviving records of his existence. Oswin hadn't just wiped him from the Dalek information matrix either. He wasn't sure how she'd done it but somehow he'd ceased to exist within any system designed to record and identify people. The Library could very well be the only database where there was still documented evidence of his various exploits, and that only because he himself had locked the planet in every respect.

"You have been expected," the alien replied, stopping and pressing a button on the wall. A hidden door emerged from the metal itself, swishing open silently.

"Right," the Doctor felt disgruntled. He never liked to be predictable, and yet clearly in this case he was. "So tell me, who are you?"

"It is for the Leader to explain." The alien motioned the Doctor into the cubicle. "Command," he said, the lift moving although so subtly it felt like they were still stationary.

"Your kind _always_ say that," the Doctor grumbled. "Henchmen. I keep expecting one day that one of you will surprise me and speak up for yourself, but it never happens."

"You will be silent," the alien commanded. "When The Leader speaks, you will listen. When he questions you will answer truthfully."

"Oh, I will, will I?" the Doctor said sarcastically. "Well, if you really have heard of me there's one thing you should already know - I very rarely follow orders. Terrible at it really … probably why I'm not all that fond of the military, aside from the odd, exceptional case of course."

The alien ignored him, leading the way out the doors as soon as they opened. The Doctor glanced back and saw the door disappear into the wall once more.

They'd emerged into a large, circular area. Around the walls were what he assumed could only be work stations. At each an armoured alien stood, intent on their tasks. In the centre stood another alien, this one armoured too but for the first time with markings that set him apart from the others.

"Sir," the Doctor's escort spoke, stopping to wait for acknowledgement.

The Leader turned. He could be eyeing the Doctor suspiciously or catching a small nap – with his face completely covered it was impossible to tell. It was disconcerting, not being able to get any kind of read on mood or intent or personality – facial features, even if they weren't the stock standard humanoid version, always gave something away. Not these aliens, which was probably why they'd donned the armour in the first place.

Making himself at home the Doctor strolled forward, looking around curiously. "Well, this is interesting," he commented.

"The Doctor, also called Theta in his youth," The Leader recited. "The last free child of Gallifrey … it's defender and it's destroyer."

"When you put it like that it's not the most inspiring personal history, is it?" the Doctor complained. "How about adding something about the Silurians? One of the few races I managed to save without any ill effects whatsoever … well, there were some but on a scale of bad to disastrous, they were well and truly at the bad end … mostly." He grinned. "You know me so how about returning the favour. Who are you and what do you want with River Song?" Suddenly he was deadly serious.

"We are the Kelad," The Leader pronounced it key-laid. "Followers of the true path of creation and renewal."

"Oh, another group of fanatics," the Doctor commented with a long suffering sigh. "What particular obsession is your lot selling then?"

"Creation was skewed when the one betrayed the other. We seek to restore the balance and let fate play out as it was intended."

"And you know this because?"

"Because we have seen what is in store when life remains out of balance," the Leader.

"You're from the future," the Doctor concluded, his suspicions confirmed. "How far forward, because I have to say this is all new to me?"

"Further than you have ever travelled."

"Impossible. I've been to the end of time 100 trillion years from now. You lot weren't there."

"That was not the end, merely evidence of how far from the true path we strayed."

"Right, so who was this one and who did he betray?"

"This will be revealed in the fullness of time."

"Well, you've certainly gone to a lot of trouble," the Doctor shifted track. "You've taken something that belongs to me – well, she doesn't really belong to me, not as such. In fact I'm pretty sure she'd have something very cutting to say if she heard me talking like that, even before she got extremely angry with me."

"You speak of The Doctor's Wife, River Song, Melody Pond," The Leader interrupted.

"Yes, _my_ wife," the Doctor narrowed his eyes intently. "Where is she and what do you intend to do with her."

"She is safe."

The Leader stepped back and waved a hand over the floor beneath him. Light appeared and the surface gave a kind of wobble before a square shape emerged, growing as it rose until it's form coalesced into the Third Power.

"Even now she reads the book," the Leader continued. "Soon she will understand her importance, for through her will the Eleventh be enabled."

"Ah, and that would be me I suppose," the Doctor smiled. "So you captured her to get to me and now you're expecting her to convince me to fall in line with your grand plan. The question is, for what?" He didn't bother telling his captors that going along with the plans of others wasn't River's strong suit. They’d find out for themselves soon enough.

"You will answer the question, when the time arrives," The Leader declared confidently. "It was calculated that the presence of River Song would be crucial to ensure the success of this endeavour."

The Doctor had played into their hands, but there was no use in kicking himself. They knew a great deal about him because they chose the one thing he wouldn't be able to resist following.

_River_.

It had all been too easy, the way he'd remained hidden in the core and how easily he'd managed to get the TARDIS onto their ship. They'd let him listen and they'd facilitated his arrival. He'd been their prisoner from the moment he'd arrived at the Library! He just hadn't known it then.

"If you know so much then you know The Doctor's wife has the answer also," the Doctor pointed out.

"She does, but she is not the one who will pave the way for the truth to be revealed."

"And by pave the way I'm assuming you mean die," the Doctor said casually.

"Choose to call it what you will," The Leader evaded answering definitively.

"Does this book explain you lot?" the Doctor gestured to the many aliens in the room.

"We are but the messengers and guides for the enablers," The Leader replied. "Our origins are not important."

"Oh, I think they're very important, crucial in fact," the Doctor countered. "Something must be driving you and in my experience it's usually self-interest. Your species not doing well in the future?"

"We are as it was always intended we be. For this are we able to do what must be done, so that we may be both more and less in the true future."

"Yes, but where do you come from? Which part of space? Give me a clue, there's a good soldier." He wanted to rile the alien up just to get some kind of non-measured reaction but it was proving impossible. The Leader of these Kelad was just too ingrained in his course of action – nothing the Doctor said was going to change that.

"Our origins are immaterial," the Leader persisted in giving nothing away.

"Right, well if there's nothing more you can tell me, I'd like to see my wife now."

He expected protests but instead got a simple nod. "Prime, transfer the Doctor," the Leader ordered.

The alien closest to the Third Power nodded, turning to his console. A device dropped from the ceiling – a hat sized dome with a visor attached at one side. When the Leader gestured to the Doctor's head, he understood that he was to put it on. Reluctantly the Doctor did so, uncomfortable with obscuring his own view, his eyes now completely covered.

Light emerged from the ceiling directly above where the Doctor stood. At the same time he felt a sort of sucking from the floor below him. The device switched on, static jittering up and down like a television searching for a viable channel. When it stopped he had vision of a sort, although the bright light continued to obscure just exactly what it was he was looking at.

Glancing down he saw that the structural integrity of the surface he appeared to be standing on was changing, becoming liquid that wanted to absorb him. The light grew more intense and the compulsion to look away was too strong. He lost vision for a moment, like closing his eyes although he suspected they remained open in practice.

When he opened his eyes – virtual rather than real because he was sans device - he was in a blindingly white room, with a single table and chair. At the table sat River Song, reading so intently that she'd yet to notice that he was there.

"Hello honey, I'm home," he announced jauntily.


	18. "Now we go to Trenzalore."

_"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it." - Winston Churchill_

"Doctor," River lurched up from her chair, incredulous that he was there.

"I know, you're surprised to see me," the Doctor commented, moving forward. "Likewise." He glanced around. "I have to say, this isn't exactly an improvement on your last accommodations, is it?"

"It's fine," River said distractedly. "How did you get here? Please tell me you didn't go and do something stupid."

"Of course not dear," the Doctor protested. "I just hitched a ride with some new alien friends – the ones who kidnapped you as it happens. We had a far from illuminating conversation and then they transported me here, to talk to you."

"To me," River repeated, her eyes going to the book.

"How far have you gotten?" the Doctor asked curiously, attempting to edge around River so he could get a look at the book himself.

"Far enough to know that you shouldn't read that," River countered, stepping into his path.

"What, the message is only good if you deliver it?"

"I'm not sure it's a message you want to hear," River admitted. "From what I've already read, I don't think I want to convince you to play along either."

"Because if I do a key part of it involves my death," the Doctor said casually. "Already knew that part, sweetie. The universe wants me dead and it seems using the Teselecta wasn't a permanent solution."

"You're not buying into this, are you?" River frowned.

"Course not," the Doctor denied. "They believe it though, our Kelad friends out there in the real world, and as long as they do, anything we come up with has to be tied into the same."

"That's true," River sighed. "What happened back at the Library?" she asked, in an obvious attempt at delay.

"I can't say for sure but I think Madam Kovarian and her lot were ousted by the Kelad," the Doctor replied.

"I saw her, Madam Kovarian," River offered.

"Inside Charlotte's world?"

River nodded.

"I bet that was fun," the Doctor grinned, having a fair idea of what River might be capable of in the illusionary world she'd lived in for more than two years.

"I shot her with my blaster, kicked her dead body, and then, when she came to, I tied her to chair," River shared, smiling.

"Go you," the Doctor congratulated.

"Part of me hopes she'd trapped there now but I wouldn't wish her on the others," River admitted.

"Well, don't plan a rescue trip back just yet," the Doctor advised. "As soon as they finished transferring you from the Library the Kelad pulled up stumps and left. It's entirely possible some of the clerics survived. If she brought any of her Silence minions with her as well, one of them would have protected her return. Sorry honey, she'll probably be back, creating havoc across the galaxy as usual."

"Pity," River commented, "although I did think at the time it would be nice to blast her again in a more permanent fashion."

"I'll see what I can arrange, once I get you away from here," the Doctor promised. He eyed her intently. "Show me the book River."

She shook her head stubbornly.

"Do you think they would have allowed me to be here with you if they didn't intend for me to read it?" the Doctor took another step closer. River stood her ground so they were toe to toe, their eyes locked. "River," he warned.

"Oh fine, read the damn thing," River capitulated abruptly. "You're never happy unless you have your way."

" _River_ ," the Doctor protested. "Is that really how you see me?"

River turned away, her shoulders slumping. "We just never catch a break, you and I, do we?" she turned to face him, her eyes mournful. "We never really stood a chance. Perhaps it would have been better if I'd let you save me that day instead of insisting that you change nothing."

"But then all your memories, none of them would survive," the Doctor reminded her.

"I know," River said gently. "And you wouldn't be here, my love."

His hearts might not be real as such, not within this illusion, but he felt them lurch just the same, a smile breaking out and encompassing all of him. She'd called him _her love_ again, his two favourite words from her lips, followed only by 'spoilers' and 'sweetie'.

"You look like a giddy school boy," River said irritably. "What are you grinning about?"

"You've forgiven me," he said, still smiling.

"There's no point in holding a grudge, particularly when you were only doing what you thought was best," River took a visible breath and let it out slowly, shaking her head. "We've both made mistakes."

"Perhaps, but mine are far more consequence laden than yours," the Doctor defended.

"It's not a competition sweetie," River said, amused. The smile dropped away as she continued. "Sometimes I feel like nothing we did would have mattered anyway. Whatever happens next was already locked into place, so far in the future that nothing we've done or haven't done could have influenced it. Even Demon's Run and Utah weren't enough to be visible to the Kelad and whoever else is controlling events."

"Surely you're not giving in that easily," the Doctor put his arm around her shoulders, finally sure that if he touched her she wouldn't respond with a slap or worse. He hugged her bracingly as he turned them both to face the innocent looking table with its innocuous book waiting for a reader to return. "Not you, Professor River Song, former bulldog to any mystery that crossed your path. Come on, let's read it together."

He looked around for some kind of control system, but found nothing. "Another chair would be handy," he called out, sure that they were being monitored.

A second chair appeared beside the first.

"Right, so let's see what we have," the Doctor proposed.

\--------------------------

They read in silence, the only sounds periodic agreements that each was finished with a page so that the next could be revealed.

The book was beautiful in its creation, each page a work of art with its Gallifreyan symbols etched in gold print. Even though it wasn't the real deal – the Doctor wondered if there was an actual copy that he could touch and hold or whether this was all the Kelad had – being this close to something from his home planet stirred the memories. He found himself feeling more and more nostalgic as they continued.

The other interesting thing was that neither of them got tired. They could read and read, for hours on end without stopping to rest or eat or do any of the things people usually had to do.

"It's one of the strange side effects of being consciousness alone," River told the Doctor when he thought to comment on it. "Ordinarily your mind will conjure up all the usual signs and symbols that you're leading a real life, unless your subconscious sees things differently."

"So we're both in a hurry to get this finished," the Doctor concluded.

"I suppose so," River agreed, already turning her attention back to the page before them.

He watched her for a few moments until she cleared her throat pointedly, reminding him that he was supposed to be keeping up. He could have done this the Time Lord way, at super speed, but it wouldn't be the same and he'd have to go back, find and reread all the salient points anyway. Since River's maximum reading speed wasn't anywhere near as fast as his, he'd adjusted his pace accordingly.

Eventually they reached the end of the book. River closed it slowly, turning it over so the front cover was facing them. "What do you think?" she asked. "Is it a genuine history of Gallifrey?"

"Perhaps," the Doctor allowed. "It's true that Rassilon and Omega were the first Time Lords and I have seen rumours suggesting they were part of a Triumvirate who between them set up the foundations for Time Lord Society as we know it now, as the book suggests." He shifted back in his seat, his expression thoughtful. "At the time they were desperately needed. The cult of Pythia kept all but a few oppressed. Life was very difficult for the average Gallifreyan. When Rassilon took control it was like a breath of fresh air sweeping the planet. Suddenly there was progress and equality and growth – that Pythia cursed us; that their freedom came at the cost of their ability to procreate naturally was hardly commented on."

"And this third founder of the Time Lords?" River queried. "Was anything specific said about him?"

The Doctor hesitated. "Not by name. The book mentions The Other though … I know of him," he admitted. "When I first borrowed the TARDIS –"

"Stole," River corrected.

"It was a mutual felony," the Doctor reminded. "Anyway, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted," he smiled at River, "when I _borrowed_ the TARDIS and she borrowed me, I didn't have a plan for when I was going and certainly not where. Time travel was strictly controlled through the Eye of Harmony. Rassilon and Omega created it together using the Hand of Omega – he was perhaps the most brilliant Gallifreyan there ever was. The Hand was the tool he also used to create the black hole that gave Gallifrey the ability to master time. Rassilon was the one who used it to create the Eye, so that he could prevent anyone travelling back into Gallifrey's past. He grew to a power so vast because he alone had control of the Eye."

"So it could be true, what the book suggests about the restrictions on time travel being there to protect Rassilon," River proposed.

"I think so, yes," the Doctor allowed. "I always believed he alone understood the risks to our people should one of us go back and alter any aspects of our own past. The stories tell of Omega willingly sacrificing himself to create the black hole. There was never anything to even hint that he was misled by Rassilon to do so on the belief that he'd survive the process. Instead it cost him his own life. If Rassilon was responsible, anyone travelling back and returning with evidence would have resulted in him being removed from office."

"You said you'd heard of The Other," River prompted him.

"That first journey in the TARDIS, I discovered that the Hand of Omega followed me on board," the Doctor revealed. "It overrode the locks that prevented the TARDIS from travelling back into Gallifrey's past, allowing me to travel a long way, into the Old Times. There I came across a young girl, wandering the streets of the city. Her name was Susan. She said she was the last child to be naturally born on Gallifrey. She was also The Other's granddaughter."

"And she knew you," River stated confidently.

"She did," the Doctor frowned. "How did you guess?"

"You must be a descendant of one of the original Triumvirate," River replied. "It explains a lot actually. How you were able to use The Moment to time lock the entire planet and end the Time War, how you could even steal a TARDIS in the first place, and why it's always you who seems to be at the centre of any time paradox events."

"The genetic material within the loom is donated by every Gallifreyan," the Doctor countered. "After so many eons it's unlikely any one person could be woven from the material of a single Gallifreyan. What's more likely is for the Loom to have gathered together a small part of all three original creators of Time Lord society, and even there it's only a very small chance. We can't even be certain that Omega or Rassilon donated to the Loom in the first place."

"If the loom operates randomly," River allowed, "but maybe it doesn't. Susan recognised something familiar in you – there must be a reason for that."

"You're suggesting some higher power was controlling the Loom the day my mother requested a son be weaved?" the Doctor laughed. "This is why you're so fond of archaeology and why I find it to be nothing more than amusing fiction."

"We'll see," River gave him that look of hers, the one that said she knew more than he did and had no intention of sharing. "Did Susan say what happened to her grandfather?"

"She wasn't there to see it," the Doctor replied. "She wasn't a Time Lord herself, just an ordinary Gallifreyan. The Other sent her to the space port, intent on her leaving the planet completely to keep her safe. He never knew that she never made it, and she never found out what happened to him. Again, it's rumour only that he threw himself into the Loom to contaminate the weave in the hopes that one day someone would be woven to overthrow Rassilon." The Doctor scowled. "And before you say it, yes I'm aware that for all intents and purposes I did defeat Rassilon, or at the very least render him inert. It was a joint effort from many Time Lords also disenchanted with his dictatorship approach to ruling the planet. I was chosen to activate The Moment simply because it was believed that I alone had the greatest chance of making it work and would be able to live with the consequences."

"Have you completed your review of the book?" The Leader's voice was a harsh interruption.

"Yes, for what it's worth," the Doctor reported, glancing around them even curious to see some visible sign that the Kelad were watching. "What now?"

"Now we go to Trenzalore."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've relied on the Doctor Who wiki for information about Gallifrey and the Doctor's first outing in the TARDIS - supplimented to fit in with the plot for this story. So if something doesn't fit with accepted knowledge of old Doctor Who I probably changed it for a reason :) Cheers!


	19. "How arrogant of me to think it did!"

_"The logs of wood which move down the river together are driven apart by every wave. Such inevitable parting should not be the cause of misery." – Nagarjuna_

"You'll need to let me out of here first," the Doctor glanced over at River. "My wife too, if at all possible."

"Your request is unexpected," the Leader said. The Kelad voices were all so evenly modulated it was hard to pick any inflection, but if he had to guess the Doctor would have said that the Leader was in fact surprised.

"Finally I manage to do something unpredictable," he quipped to River.

"Because of course Predictable is usually your middle name," River retorted sarcastically.

He laughed, holding out his arms expectantly and turning in a slow circle. "We're ready whenever you are," he drawled to the ceiling, the challenge laid.

"What you ask will take time. Please wait."

River's eyes shot to his. "Doctor," she swallowed, looking all at once very excited and very scared. "Do you think it's possible?"

"For them to give you your physical form back?" the Doctor finished, already shaking his head. "I'm sorry, but no, I don't. I'd have done it myself if anyone had ever developed that kind of technology. A synthetic facsimile however is entirely possible. Be prepared for something less than inspiring," he warned. "From the looks of them, they don't have a lot of imagination when it comes to all things aesthetically pleasing."

"Still, the chance to move about in the real world again," River smiled.

"I know, but remember," the Doctor said seriously, "we're their prisoners River. They're not doing any of this out of the goodness of their hearts, if they have them. They want something from us and they've learned to live by the old Earth adage that you win more flies with honey than with vinegar. As soon as we either do what they require or convince them that we never will, this cushy ride and accommodating nature they're showing us will be gone."

"I'm not stupid Doctor," River shot back irritably. "I have been around the block a few times, enough to know not to trust based on what my eyes alone can see."

"You're the smartest part human out there," the Doctor agreed, "but they also have something you've probably never wanted more. It's a fine line to walk River, and it will hurt when they take it away, which inevitably they will."

"If you really feel that way, why did you insist they take me with you when you transfer out of here?" River demanded.

"To see if they could," the Doctor admitted. "Should we survive this I wanted to know what's really possible for your future. They've already done something I would have worked a long time to achieve, by making you portable. If they can do more, then it might lead to me being able to free you on a more permanent basis."

"We are ready," the Leader interrupted again. "Prepare yourselves."

With that warning the light above them brightened sharply and they both felt that same wobbliness in the floor, the same sensation of being drawn downwards. They each closed their eyes as one.

When the Doctor opened his he found himself back in the main command area of the ship, the same soldiers at work stations, the Leader standing firm in the centre of the room.

In fact, the only discernible difference was the additional armoured figure standing beside the Doctor. There was something feminine in the shape but aside from that it was indistinguishable from all the other armoured figures in the room.

"River?" he asked hesitantly, unsure whether he wanted an affirmative answer in reply.

"Oh my God," River's voice, modulated and mechanical sounding but still recognisably hers, came out of the armour. "This is really strange."

"You should see it from my side," the Doctor muttered.

"Oh hush," River returned, turning her head from side to side while she raised and lowered her arms, testing the armour's manoeuvrability. "Not bad," she commented, shifting to raise and lower each leg in turn next. "Not bad at all."

"I'm glad you're so pleased," the Doctor said sarcastically. Turning to the Leader he grimaced. "I suppose I should thank you."

"We are aware this form does not comply with your wife's prior form," the Leader acknowledged. "We can do much but our technology does not allow for living physical matter replication. Our scientists have concluded such technology will forever remain beyond our capacity. The armour has many advantages River Song can also enjoy, despite her current non corporeal form."

"Then I'll just have to live with it," the Doctor replied. "You mentioned we were on our way to Trenzalore. How long until we get there?"

"We are still a number of hours away."

"Excellent!" the Doctor exclaimed. "That gives me the chance to convince you that what you're planning is folly."

"The true history of your people was not evidence enough?" the Leader demanded. He stepped closer, looming over the Doctor, who held his ground, leaning backwards so he could keep his eyes on the visor. Maybe there weren't eyes under the metal but at the very least the resolve in his own would be on display.

"Step back," River gently but firmly nudged the Doctor aside, "or I might start trying out commands inside this thing. Who knows what damage I could do before you can shut me off."

"My apologies," the Leader stepped back. "There is no need for threats. You must forgive my impatience. My race has been working towards these events for many years." He turned to regard the Doctor again. "Please, tell me why you believe our efforts to be foolish."

"Well, since you asked me so nicely," the Doctor smiled, "here's the thing. Am I correct in assuming that no one really knows what will happen if I go to Trenzalore?"

"You are correct - events must be lived before full certainty can be achieved."

"Then why risk it?" the Doctor challenged. "As I understand it, the saying goes that at Trenzalore no one, including me, will be able to lie, or refuse to respond once the question has been asked. Moreover, the question is something that should never be answered."

"That is one version of the prophesy, but it is not entirely accurate," the Leader replied. "The true prophesy is thus. On the fields of Trenzalore when the Eleventh ends and the Twelfth begins, truth shall prevail, and in the first question's answer will silence fall."

"Silence will fall when the question is answered," River repeated the short version she and the Doctor had both heard before.

"The error is in assuming these words mean the beginning of silence when in fact they refer to its end," the Leader revealed. "Where there was silence, afterwards there will be truth."

"Oh," the Doctor understood abruptly. "Oooh," he said again more emphatically.

"What?" River demanded.

"Nothing," the Doctor said evasively.

"You don't say ooooh like that unless you've suddenly understood something," River persisted.

"I can see why you needed more than just River to be present," the Doctor told the Leader, ignoring River for the moment. "I understand what you're trying to do but I can't condone it. Who are any of us to play with the lives of so many?"

"The true path was altered by one individual," the Leader intoned. "Should it not fall to another to return all things to their true place?"

"See, now you're getting into the realm of 'meant to be' versus the randomness of events playing out," the Doctor complained. "There are fixed points in time, usually for a reason, but everything else is fluid, as it should be. Maybe what happened back then was supposed to happen, maybe it wasn't. It doesn't matter because the consequences are far reaching."

"Doctor," River reminded him pointedly that she was still there and expecting an explanation.

"There's a long held belief that life as we know it goes through cycles of reduction followed by renewal and growth," the Doctor explained. "The first was at the dawn of time when life was nothing more than a couple of cells bumping together in a warm puddle. Since then, there have been ten cycles, making this one the eleventh."

"So the prophesy doesn't refer to you?" River cut to the chase, her relief palpable even within the bounds of a severely modulated voice.

"I _know_ , how arrogant of me to think it did!" the Doctor agreed. "In any case, if you buy into the theory then we're in a growth cycle now that will transition into a reduction cycle at some point, nobody knows exactly when, and until now, no one has known the origin point for the transition."

"Trenzalore," River deduced.

"The fields of Trenzalore to be precise," the Doctor agreed. "It's a special place made even more so by being the origin point – clearly special enough to make it a place of ultimate truth for anyone in the vicinity. A cycle change is nothing to fear, in fact most of us probably won't notice a difference. Essentially the belief is that expansion can occur too rapidly without being checked. Errors creep in as replication repeats in on itself. Reduction cycles slow everything down, allowing time for genetic correction and recharging before the universe is ready for more growth."

"So who added the part about the question not being answered?" River asked. “Who made it sound like it was about you?”

"I don't know. Rassilon probably, although the extent of his meddling is astounding," the Doctor revealed. "If he's behind this then he took advantage of a natural biological occurrence and used it to effectively paint a giant target on my back for all time, and all because he was determined that he and only he would be the master of the time vortex. Before he put the lock on all the TARDIS's he must have done a few trips himself, one of which would have been to the future. How could he resist seeing himself as the master of everything? Instead, he must have seen himself revealed for the crook he was, time stripped of all his powers."

"Time stripped?"

"It's a similar concept to what I did to Gallifrey to ensure that at no point in time could anyone go there and undo what I did," the Doctor explained. "Only in this case at every point in time he would be reduced to an ordinary Gallifreyan. No Time Lord academy. No ruling the planet like a dictator. No grand plans to effect the Final Sanction and place himself beyond reach forever. No way to travel any when in time and reinstate himself."

"Doesn't that mean that the Time War wouldn't occur either?" River queried. "Would you even have time travel capability?"

"It's hard to say," the Doctor replied. "Rassilon wasn't alone when he advanced Gallifrey so dramatically. It might be enough for the two remaining members of the Triumvirate to be unchanged, but then again it might not. And if Gallifrey doesn't move past the Cult of Pythia and into the age of the Time Lords the consequences across multiple planets will be enormous. Life as we know it will be changed, possibly beyond all recognition."

"Am I right?" he turned to the Leader expectantly.

"You are," the Leader agreed, "but have faith Time Lord, for to reveal Rassilon's true nature does not mean the revision of eons of history as you suppose. It will be up to the others to decide how to proceed. It is our belief that they will choose wisely."

"Well, those are some pretty risky beliefs," the Doctor shot back impatiently.

"There's still one thing I don't understand," River said slowly in her thinking voice despite the Kelad alterations. "Rassilon just wanted you dead, right? So why do the Kelad believe the prophesy is more than just his way of making that happen? How is you being on the fields of Trenzalore at the right time going to reveal Rassilon?"

"She always was a sharp one," the Doctor commented to the Leader with a rueful smile, before facing River to explain. "Me being there will help because you were right River, or at least the Kelad believe as you do, that I am primarily composed of genetic extant material from just one past Gallifreyan. The Other. If my true name is spoken aloud, something I can only do with unavoidable force, the Other will surge forth from my subconscious with all of his memories intact. It'll be as if he's been brought back to life. Rassilon’s plot to end me would backfire and he’d be the one destroyed instead."

"And what about you? What happens to you?"

"No idea," the Doctor shrugged. "Since it seems unlikely two Gallifreyan consciousnesses could occupy the same mental space, I suppose I'd cease to exist."

"No!" River almost growled. "Turn this ship around," she demanded of the Leader. "You're not going to Trenzalore," she told the Doctor firmly.

"Show me another way out of this and I'll take it," the Doctor replied, nodding with his head around the room to remind her just how outnumbered they were. "River, there isn't another way." The familiar words hit them both hard, harking back to other events, other times when the future seemed bleak, and hope fleeting. He stepped up to her and grabbed at her armoured arm. "These events have been chasing me my whole life. It’s time to stop running," he said quietly.


	20. "Volcano day would be the time and place!"

_"O cruel cook, pray grant me some relief – Some respite from the roast, however brief." - Joel Spate Woop_

The Leader escorted them to quarters they could use until the ship arrived at Trenzalore. River was quiet inside the alien armour suit and the Doctor didn't like the fact that he had no means of judging her mood.

"You may rest here," the Leader announced. The room had a bed so presumably he meant the Doctor could sleep if he needed, a virtual impossibility given their current situation.

The alien turned to River next. "The suit has its own power source which we equipped only to minimum levels before installing your Third Power within. It must be fully charged before we reach Trenzalore – when you are ready to do so, stand here," he indicated large boot shaped indentations in the floor in front of a control panel. There had been similar booths in the control room and their purpose was suddenly clear. "You will be able to communicate with the Doctor within a construct we have designed for that purpose – one that allows more control to the inhabitants than we allowed for your first meeting with the Doctor aboard ship. Doctor, you will need to wear the visor to enable communication."

"So I can talk to River and see her like before?" the Doctor confirmed, perking up at the idea. "Without your lot listening in?" he added, curious as to how far their generosity would go.

"That is correct," the Leader confirmed.

"You know, for captors you're being very accommodating," the Doctor commented.

"We are not your captors Doctor," the Leader corrected. "We are you allies. I will contact you when we begin our approach to Trenzalore. Until then you are free to conduct yourselves in whatever manner you see fit, as long as you remain within this room." With that he turned and marched away.

The Doctor waited until the door closed and then turned to River. It was difficult to believe that the metal figure, much taller than he was, contained his wife - was for all intents and purposes River, for the time being. "Plug in," he urged.

"So that you can try to convince me that its right to go along with the Kelad plan?" River queried. "For some reason I'm not feeling very cooperative!"

"Please," the Doctor begged. "Don't waste the time we've been given River. Think about it."

River was still for a moment before giving a metallic nod of agreement. She moved to the charging station, turning to face the middle of the room as she aligned her boots in the right position. There was a clicking sound followed by a whooshing as a connection from within the wall emerged and plugged into the back of the armour suit. The suit appeared frozen and still as lights pulsed on the panel.

"River?" the Doctor waited for a response but she was no longer there. Grabbing the visor the Doctor put it on, waiting impatiently for it to activate. When it did, he was blinded for a moment by bright lights before the picture settled, putting him inside quarters much like those he was sitting in already. It was a bit disconcerting when he'd expected something much different, although why it would be he didn't really know.

River was sitting on the bed, her back to him.

"River," he said again, moving slowly forward. When he got closer he put a hand on her shoulder, wincing when she tensed. "Talk to me," he urged.

"What can there possibly be to say?" River demanded, glaring at him. "We're trapped here with the Kelad who appear to be much more advanced and prepared for anything we could think of to throw at them," River took a deep steadying breath and then continued. "Madam Kovarian and the Silence are still after us too and they'll assume our destination correctly. She already altered history to get rid of you once. There's no way she'll give up so easily now, especially once she works out you're not a past version like she's been assuming."

"Is it wrong that I'm really looking forward to her finding out?" the Doctor murmured, earning a small smile from River before she continued.

"It's not a joke," she admonished. "On the one side the Kelad are determined that you _should_ go to Trenzalore even though it means you'll change so much you won't be you anymore. On the other we still have the Silence wanting to kill the both of us to stop you from answering the question because they've been fooled into believing it will be bad for everyone if you do."

"We are firmly planted in the middle," the Doctor agreed.

"Then how can you be so casual about all of this?" River asked, exasperated. "Are you so jaded now that nothing affects you?"

"I'm not jaded," the Doctor denied, "but there's more riding on this than any one individual, even if that individual is me. The unexpected happens all the time River … if it didn't we wouldn't be here together now. I have to believe that the same will be true for whatever takes place at Trenzalore."

"You're resigned to your fate," River acknowledged, "but that's not like you. Lake Silenco looked just as impossible – worse because it was a fixed point in time and I proved we couldn't change one of those without extreme consequences. And yet you didn't give up then, not until you came up with a way to beat your fate. Why not again?"

"I know, but things are different now," the Doctor said. "Besides, I've had plenty of time to think on that day and I'm not convinced anymore that I did alter a fixed point. There were events for you that I didn't get to before Utah, and while time can be rewritten there was one event that couldn't, not without a paradox forming. All evidence confirmed it happened – I wouldn't have trusted you at the Library without you revealing that you knew my name."

"Our marriage," River sighed. "You do know how to take all the hope out of a situation, don't you?"

"Not all hope," the Doctor protested. "Just _false_ hope, which if you think about it is a good thing. There's no room for false hope when we're counting on something real taking place."

"I still don't want you to go there," River admitted.

"Trenzalore has been hanging over me my whole life River," the Doctor pointed out once again, "and the older I've gotten, the more important it's become to the point that its now affecting every day events. Madam Kovarian took you and turned you into a weapon because of that prophesy. You're only here now because of it."

"I'm glad I'm here," River insisted.

"I know you are, but a man can only avoid his true fate for so long."

"Even if it means you're gone?" River looked down at her hands, clenched in her lap.

The Doctor put his hands over hers – it felt real enough to be cruel because he knew it wasn't. Well, not as real as he wished it could be. Maybe that was the cruelty in the situation – to give him so much when he knew it would soon be taken away again.

"How is regeneration any different?" he quizzed. "You've been through it, you know."

"I don't think it will be the same," River countered. "You're not talking about renewing yourself. If it turns out you really are The Other reborn then it's a replacement. I remember all my regenerations, I remember what it was like to be Mels. I don't think you'll be able to do that."

"I've been this version of myself far longer than any of my other regenerations," he said. "Hundreds of years now, more than is probably healthy. I'm too attached to my bow tie and tweed. Perhaps a change will do me good."

"Don't do that!" River shouted, surging to her feet. "Don't make light of your own death!"

"What would you have me do? Cry? Rage against my fate?" The Doctor got up too, taking her hands in his and pulling her towards him until he would wrap his arms around her. "Look at you River … I've taken everything away from you, including the chance to move on from this form of existence, and yet you still argue for me. I don't deserve you."

River let out a sob before wrapping her arms around him in return. She clung to him and he let her cry for as long as she needed. There were probably in excess of two years of grief and anger and loneliness to expunge and he held on without comment until she finally calmed, pulling away and wiping her face self-consciously.

"That was silly," she commented, not looking at him.

"Course it wasn't," he countered. "If you're done I was considering having a go myself. Nothing like a good cry to make you feel better."

"You don't cry," River reminded him, smiling. She gave him a 'sexy River' look then. "Just think what we could have gotten up to if I hadn't wasted so much time on tears."

"River!" he reared back, shocked. "We're prisoners aboard an alien vessel – hardly the time to be thinking about … that."

"I've only met one of your other incarnations," River said, "and he didn't seem as prudish as you. Were all your other regenerations like you?"

"I'm not a prude," the Doctor protested. "There's just a time and place for that kind of thing, and in the middle of a crisis isn't it."

"I haven't seen you for two years and we haven't been together since our honeymoon," River reminded him. "Volcano day would be the time and place! Besides, it sounded like we had plenty of time still. I don't know why but I believe what the Leader said about this room being private … it's just you and me my love. I'm game if you are."

She probably expected him to say no, but in a sudden rush of clarity it occurred to him that this could very well be the last time he had the opportunity to share the physical side of his love for her with River. While he was sure he'd love her no matter how many future regenerations he went through he wasn't sure what would happen if the Kelad had the right of it and his genetic history rose up and took over. He hadn't wanted to admit it to River but he _was_ worried that in a few short hours everything that he was through all eleven of his past lives would just disappear. He couldn't expect the person he'd simply borrowed DNA from to continue to love River if he was gone.

In this virtual place they seemed on equal footing – he could feel River and see her and touch her and it didn't matter that she was pure consciousness while he had a body waiting back in the real world.

Rather than speak he let his actions attest to his capitulation, leaning down to kiss her. Maybe it wasn't the full connection they used to share but it was a very close second, and much more than he'd thought he'd ever have again. If ever there were two people who needed a respite, it was he and River.

She threw herself into it, the two of them forgetting where and what they were. The bed was too narrow, the mattress too firm, but neither of them noticed enough to affect their surroundings. The Doctor loved River like it was the last time and she was with him all the way.

He held her close after, the narrow bed an advantage for keeping her close to his side. "You asked me why I'm not trying to trick my way out of this," he murmured, stroking her hair. "I didn't answer because I don't think you'll like what I have to say, and yet I owe you that and so much more."

"You don't owe me anything," River whispered.

"I do," the Doctor insisted, "and after losing you I promised myself that if I ever had the chance I'd tell you. When I went to Utah in the Teselecta I had a reason to want to come back. I had you River, and whatever days we'd have together before the Library stole you away. Now that you're gone, I don't have that motivation anymore. It's lonely in the TARDIS without you and I haven't found anyone to travel with."

"Because you've been too stubborn to look."

"Perhaps, or perhaps, if you believe in the idea of meant to be, I'm not supposed to find a new companion, not this time," the Doctor pressed his face to her hair, breathing in and imagining her scent. "Perhaps all of this, including the two of us being here like this, is how things are supposed to be. I don't know. What I do know is that I've had sufficient time to travel around without you and I discovered that I don't like it. Call me a maudlin, sentimental old fool, but the truth is I don't want to go on without you. Regeneration won't remove my emotions but it might be enough to allow me some semblance of a normal life."

"Oh Doctor," River exclaimed.

"You've ruined me for anyone else," the Doctor tried to joke, embarrassed and uncomfortable at how soppy he was being. "What do you have to say for yourself woman?"

"I shouldn't love that you feel that way but a big part of me does," River admitted. "I was angry that you left, that it didn't seem you'd tried very hard to keep me around, but I was scared too. The more I tried to keep going inside the Library systems, the more I was sure you'd forgotten me. It felt like it was so easy for you to move on while I struggled to forget that everything around me wasn't real. I couldn't immerse myself there because the fact that you weren't there with me always hovered on the edge of my perception. It hurt to think you didn't feel the same anymore."

"You, my dear, are unforgettable," the Doctor declared effusively with a smirk.

"You charmer!" River laughed, delighted. She rolled to loom over him, pressing small teasing kisses all over his face. "How much time do you think we have?" she asked, her intentions clear.

"Who cares," the Doctor muttered in reply, ready to go where she led.

\--------------------------

They both heard the announcement from the Leader, beamed inside their virtual world some hours later. They were on approach to Trenzalore.

The interlude had refreshed them both even though neither had slept for long.

"Are you ready?" the Doctor asked, his arms still around his wife.

"No, but its time," River replied.

"While I have you here in front of me," the Doctor put his hands to her cheeks and held her face tenderly, "I have to say something. I don't regret it River, any of it, even if I end up disappearing completely. It was worth it for the chance to claim you as my wife."

"I don't regret anything either, for the same reasons," she vowed in return.

"Right, so let's go and finish this," he proposed. It was a wrench to let her go, to make his true hands remove the visor, but it had to be done.

The lights pulsing in the recharge unit stopped and a moment later the Kelad armour suit shifted as River took back control, stepping away from the wall.

"Okay?" the Doctor asked.

"I'll never get used to this," River replied, "but at least I'll be able to help you in this form."

"Help me? In that suit you'll kick some serious arse, River Song," the Doctor grinned. "It's you, me, my past self whoever he may be, and a suit of seriously advanced armour against the world."

"An army indeed," River agreed, amused.


	21. Chapter 21

_"I don't believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive." - Joseph Campbell_

"We have arrived," the Leader announced when the Doctor and armoured River were escorted back to the command area.

"Any signs of other ships?" the Doctor asked.

"No," the Leader replied, "but it would be foolish to act with over confidence. We will travel to the surface with a full unit for back up."

"Which is how many?" River asked.

"Thirty Kelad soldiers, all fully equipped with multiple weaponry," the Leader explained.

"Thirty," the Doctor shook his head to River. They couldn't overpower so many, even with her decked out in one of the suits. It looked like there would be no out for him, not this time.

"Trust, Time Lord," the Leader urged in response to his unspoken thoughts.

The Doctor nodded, regretting that his trepidation had been obvious enough for the alien to pick up on it.

"Follow me," the Leader commanded, leading the way from the command centre. They walked through the Kelad vessel, lifts and doors emerging from the metal structure as needed before disappearing again.

"Are they there all the time or are you able to create them anywhere you want?" the Doctor was too curious not to ask.

"Either is true, depending on our needs," the Leader replied. "Nothing is as solid as its surface would suggest."

After a few minutes they arrived at a large hangar containing smaller versions of the ship. The Leader saw them to the nearest one, gesturing for them to sit as the thirty strong guard took up position at the rear.

The ride to the surface was smooth and over far too quickly. Before he felt ready the Doctor and River were stepping foot on Trenzalore for the first time. 

It was perhaps foolish fancy on his part but the Doctor couldn't help but feel that everything paused - breath, life, the very rotation of the planet itself - just for a moment, at his arrival. Resisting the urge to stretch his arms out to either side and demand in a loud voice ' _I'm here - what are you waiting for?_ ', he looked around curiously. The Kelad ship had touched down in a clearing surrounded by trees. Through the gaps he caught sight of a mountain range far in the distance and what looked like an expanse of grassland leading up to it.

"The fields are directly before us," the Leader shared.

"How will you know when it's time?" the Doctor asked curiously.

"On close inspection it will appear as though the sky has changed colour, from blue to purple, before returning to normal," the Leader revealed. "The magnetic properties of worlds with a metallic core such as this one will switch direction as well … this is something the Kelad are able to detect."

"Good for you, but for the rest of us, a compass would be handy," the Doctor murmured to River under his breath. It was his usual attempt at irreverence but it fell flat because his heart wasn't it in and neither was River's.

"We must proceed," the Leader insisted.

Nodding, the Doctor followed, thirty soldiers ranging out amongst the trees around him. He'd like to think it was so that they could protect him but it was more likely a preventative measure against him running away.

" _The vortex will inspire some even as it spawns flight in others_ ," the words of the Elder who'd attended his eight year old self's journey to the untempered schism flashed through the Doctor's mind. There was much about that day that echoed for him now, most especially the way he'd whispered to himself repeatedly not to run. That day had felt like fate to him – he'd welcomed it, sure that it was right for his path to shift, for him to begin on the journey to his future. If he'd known then that a suicide walk across an alien planet was where he was heading, he wasn't sure he'd have felt quite so positive about the whole thing.

" _Maybe you had it right back then old man_ ," he thought. " _Maybe running would have been the smart thing to do_."

They'd arrived at day break and as they emerged from the forest the sun broke free over the mountain range, golden light casting a surreal glow over the grassland. The night had been cold and dew weighted down the blades of grass and caught the sunbeams, little pinpoints across the entire field that sparkled so bright it hurt the eyes to look at them.

Their party stopped as one, everyone caught up in the moment.

"It's beautiful," River said.

"Yes, it is," the Doctor agreed. "Hard to believe a place like this could be at the heart of so much trouble."

"The fields of Trenzalore," the Leader intoned, awe making it through the modulator. "Come, let us walk."

The Doctor nodded, his eyes tracking over the various features of their location as their journey took them into the grassland. The grass was deep and so dark a green it was almost emerald. The Doctor held out his hands as he walked, his fingers brushing the blades that were so soft and fluffy the thought of just lying down and taking a nap was very alluring. Now that he could see them better he realised that the mountains in the distance were capped with snow. They weren't completely surrounded by grass land either, the trees having hidden a nearby sea that sparkled blue in the presence of summer animals in the ocean.

"The seasons are out of sync?" the Doctor queried in reference to the mixed clues that could belong to any one of summer, autumn, winter or spring.

"There is no need for seasons here when all can exist simultaneously," the leader replied.

"So it's winter and summer at the same time? That doesn't sound very appealing," the Doctor decided. "I mean, how would you make a snow man or have a snow ball fight if it's winter one day and hot the next? Everything would melt before you got to have any fun!"

"Perhaps we're not all children at heart like you my love," River murmured, only the volume of her modulated voice indicating that she was amused.

There was something about the place that had a calming effect on everyone. Even the Doctor found himself relaxing as they continued to walk. He was smiling now as he continued to brush his fingers over the grass. It really was the most delightful sensation.

"Do you feel it?" he asked River somewhat dreamily.

"Feel what?" River queried.

“The overwhelming urge to just lie down and sleep. That and the _peace_ ,” the Doctor raised his face skyward, enjoying the feel of the sunlight on his skin. “It's so peaceful here."

"Are you feeling all right?" River sounded concerned as she shifted closer to his position in the group.

"Never better, and when I say never, I mean really _never_ ," the Doctor chuckled. "I don't think I've ever felt as good as I do right now. It's remarkable."

"Leader," River stopped, her lack of movement quickly bringing everyone else to a halt. The Doctor was aware enough to stop too. "Is this normal?" she demanded, gesturing to the Doctor who was still grinning, his eyes closed and his face again raised to the sky.

"The cycle is at the highest point of expansion," the Leader replied. "For millennia it has swept across creation, bringing with it renewal and growth as it became ever stronger. Now, at the point of its ending, all that is good about new life and new purpose exists here, in these fields. The Doctor is the only unprotected life form so he will feel it more than any of us."

"Well, that's a worry," River snapped. "One, because it's going to be hard to get him to focus when he's like this and two, he's heading for quite the harsh landing when it switches to the next cycle!"

"He will feel the lack of what is here now," the Leader agreed, "but it will not be followed by a low of similar strength. What is the end is also the beginning and it will take just as many years for the consolidation phase to grow to full strength."

"Okay, well that's something I suppose," River allowed. "Is there any way we can filter the effect now, just enough to tone down the distractions for the Doctor and minimise the withdrawal when it stops?"

"Your suit has protective shield capability. You can engage it and extent it's radius to encompass the Doctor. As long as he remains sufficiently close, the shield will protect him as well and should reduce the effects of this cycle's end."

River was silent for a moment and then a visible barrier shimmered into place around her before it disappeared. Putting her armoured hand on the Doctor's shoulder, the barrier became visible for a moment as she pushed it out around them both.

The effect was immediate. The silly smile dropped from the Doctor's face and his eyes sharpened in focus. "River?" he looked up, surprised to see her hovering so close.

"Well, hello," she greeted him teasingly. "Did you have a good trip?"

"What happened?" he frowned, running the past few minutes back in his head. "I was drugged by a planet!" he exclaimed incredulously, unaccountably delighted at the prospect. "That's a new one."

"In a manner of speaking I suppose you were," River agreed. "It's the effects of the cycle being so near to ending. You'll have to stay close to me – the suit's shield is filtering the effects for you."

"The lengths you'll go to just to keep me from straying," the Doctor teased.

"Yes, shocking," River quipped back blandly.

The Doctor smiled before turning his attention to the Leader. "Any idea how much longer we'll have to wait?"

"We can only sense that the shift is close," the Leader replied. "We must get further into the fields."

Sighing, the Doctor fell into step, this time walking much closer to River's armoured form. "How are you getting on in there?" he asked.

"It's still extremely odd," River replied. "It is a nice change being able to move about in the real world but it's very frustrating not really being able to interact with it, not easily. Have you seen these hands?" She held up her large, metal gauntleted limbs.

"They are hard to miss dear."

"I could crush you like a bug and not even realise it. There's a level of careful around everything that almost makes me long to be back in Charlotte's world."

"More freedom?" the Doctor quizzed.

"Of a sort, although of course that comes with its own special restrictions too," River sighed audibly. "There's no perfect solution, is there?"

"None that I can see at this point," the Doctor admitted. He was silent for a while, still unable to resist touching the grass tops as they walked through it. The Kelad had ranged out sufficiently that walking close to River afforded them a measure of privacy. "Which would you choose?" he finally asked.

"You mean which prison is the lesser of two evils?" River countered.

"I suppose that is what I mean, yes," the Doctor admitted. "Would it really have been better for me to let the Library be the end of it for you?"

"Last week, before you showed up inside Charlotte's world I would have said yes, definitely," River answered thoughtfully. "Since then, seeing you and being here with some chance of influencing what happens, I feel almost grateful I'm here still. It drove me mad wondering what was happening out in the real world for you – if you come out of this still in one piece I think I can die with a clear conscience. I didn't have that, not before, not when it was your younger self who shared my last moments."

"River, don't," the Doctor protested. "Enough with the endings and dying and all that rubbish talk."

"You don't like knowing how things end but you, _more_ than anyone, know that they do," River said gently. "Just because you refuse to witness it doesn't make it any less true. I mean, do you really think because you rip the last page from every book you read that those stories don't end?"

"Course not, I'm not stupid," the Doctor insisted.

"If you didn't want to hear the answer then you shouldn't have asked the question, my love," River counselled. "You already knew what I'd say."

"Not in as many words," the Doctor sounded just a little resentful.

"Then I have a question for you," River continued. "What is life?"

"What is life?" the Doctor repeated incredulously. "What sort of question is _that _?"__

__"A pertinent one, given our current situation," River replied simply. "Am I alive?"_ _

__"Can pure consciousness alone be considered life?" the Doctor restated her question and then answered it without pause. "Rassilon and the council of Time Lord's believed so. Admittedly it was when they were at their most desperate; when Rassilon convinced them it was the only way to end the Time War once and for all. At the heart of it though was the belief that they would achieve a more desirable form of life."_ _

__"What do you think?" River persisted._ _

__The Doctor swallowed, frowning, his steps slowing, his mind engaged with what honesty demanded he say. "You're alive to me River, and it doesn't matter that you don't have a physical form," he answered in a low tone. "I grieved for you … was _still_ grieving when I saw you again in New York. Being with you there helped a bit but then you were gone again and it was worse. It only got better when I appeared inside Charlotte's world and there you were. As far as my hearts are concerned, right now, you _must_ be alive … because I'm not grieving anymore."_ _

__It was a long and more emotional speech than the Doctor usually gave. He didn't want to hear what River might say in return and so he quickened his pace again, opening up a gap between them until he started to feel that giddiness return. He slowed then, walking but keeping the maximum distance he could keep and still be within River's shields._ _

__"Your wife asks difficult questions," the Leader commented._ _

__"Oh, you heard that," the Doctor felt unaccountably embarrassed. He didn't mind having emotions – pretty strong ones some of the time. He couldn’t really avoid them but he preferred to keep his feelings private. Even sharing them with River was difficult much of the time. No matter how hard he tried he always ended up saying things not in the way he intended or having his actions not appear in the light he'd wanted. Like that first time in New York when he'd used his regeneration energy to heal River's wrist. He'd thought it would illustrate more than anything could how in tune they were and how much he cared for her. Instead she'd slapped him and told him off for squandering the life energy she'd given him. "She's not an easy woman," he said vaguely, confident that if the Leader had hear what he'd said previously then so would River now._ _

__"These questions are at the heart of existence," the Leader offered. "The Kelad are amongst the oldest races in the universe and yet we still struggle for answers."_ _

__"Ah, a clue!" the Doctor noted, "although not a terribly enlightening one. You've been around longer than anyone and yet I haven't heard of you. How is that possible?"_ _

__"Were you never tempted to revise your name with each successive regeneration?"_ _

__The Doctor's brow rose. "I considered it a time or two but ruled it out. Wrap up a box of chocolate in fifty different kinds of paper and underneath you still have a box of chocolates. I'm the Doctor, regardless of the face I'm sporting. My personality never changed enough to warrant a change of identity."_ _

__"There was not sufficient reason for you to change," the Leader summarised._ _

__"Oh, I see," the Doctor nodded. "For the Kelad there was, sometime in the past. I suppose you're not going to tell me what you used to call yourselves."_ _

__"All will be revealed in the fullness of time."_ _

__It was the expected, vague response, and it only served to maintain the suspicions the Doctor already had. He nodded, content to fall back to silence._ _

__They walked for another half an hour or so before the Leader called a halt. Personally the Doctor thought this part of the fields of Trenzalore looked the same as the other miles of it they'd already walked through but the Kelad leader clearly saw something special about this spot that he didn't._ _

__"Now we wait," the Leader said simply._ _

____

\--------------------------

The sun was warm and the Doctor was feeling toasty enough that the thought of just curling up and going to sleep held real appeal. Deciding he'd gotten too close to the edge of River's protective shield he shifted a bit closer.

Abruptly a fleet of low flying aircraft appeared in the sky directly above them. Ropes lowered and men in camouflage gear rappelled down, landing lightly on the ground and quickly moving into position. More ships swept in lower than the first, dark forms dropping to the ground from above. They rose to their full height, taller even than the Kelad, their hands already raised, poised to shoot forth blue death.

It all happened quickly – in moments the Doctor, River and the Kelad found themselves surrounded by at least fifty cleric soldiers and a like number of Silence.

A smaller ship appeared, lowering slowly until it was hovering close to the ground. A figure immerged, hands lowering to straighten the skirt being worn, and then stepped forward.

"We meet again, _Doc_ -tor," Madam Kovarian intoned with a sneering smirk.


	22. "Rumours of my death ..."

_"Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth." – Buddha_

"Don't," the Doctor warned in a low tone, his hand instinctively moving to hold River back. For now Kovarian was unaware of who occupied one of the alien suits and if at all possible he'd like to keep it that way.

River's armoured head turned to look at him and he imagined her frustrated glare boring into him but he held his ground until she understood what he wanted. There could be no good reason to reveal her presence, beyond her pride and need to seek some kind of reparation for past wrongs. River nodded to indicate that she would remain silent … for now.

"Madam Kovarian, what a pleasure," the Doctor drawled. "And here, of all places."

"For one man, you are proving difficult to eradicate," Kovarian replied. "You've spread yourself throughout time and space, like a virus." As the voice of the Silence she was formidable – a tool yes, but an effective one who operated with full commitment to their core beliefs. After speaking with her one was always left with the impression of someone who really, _really_ loved their work. That and a bitter taste in the mouth as though one had tasted something particularly unpleasant. The Doctor wondered for the first time just how the Silence had come across Kovarian in the first place. Perhaps it was she who'd found them.

"Oh, that's nice, that is," he smiled. "As far as compliments go, yours could do with some work."

"Your continuing existence is temporary Doctor," Kovarian smiled. "Enjoy it while you can."

"If you're counting on Lake Silencio to finish the job, forget it. Already been there – done that." It was his turn for a smug smile, so long had he looked forward to the day when he could reveal to the Silence their failure. "Rumours of my death have been grossly exaggerated."

Kovarian's facial expression took on a frozen, pale façade as she absorbed what he meant. " _Impossible_ ," she spat. "If you think to trick us Doctor, you're wasting your time. You may have a few details - enough to sound convincing - but we were there, monitoring everything. We saw you fall, we watched the funeral pyres burn until nothing but ash was left. Your future is already written - by _me_!"

"It's no trick and you and I both know nothing is impossible," the Doctor raised his arms and gestured around them. "Look at where we are. The fields of Trenzalore, the one place I should never, ever, be … and yet, here we stand. What have you got to say about that, eh?"

"It's not too late to kill you again," Kovarian gestured for the Silence, urging them to act. "You, Doctor, are long overdue for death. There's nowhere left to run."

"Perhaps you've forgotten my friends here," the Doctor nodded to the Kelad, who'd remained strangely silent throughout the entire exchange. "You want me dead. They want me alive. I'm looking forward to seeing who wins."

"We have you outnumbered," Kovarian addressed her words to the Kelad closest to the Doctor – River – assuming her to be the one in charge.

The Leader stepped forth, putting himself between the Doctor and Kovarian. It was an unspoken signal to the rest, who responded immediately by closing in around the Doctor and River until they formed an impenetrable armoured wall.

"The Doctor is under the protection of the Kelad," the Leader intoned. "You will leave this place immediately. If you fail to do so we will respond with our full force. Let this serve as our only warning."

"How dramatic," Kovarian drawled, smiling. "Surely there’s no need for threats. Once you understand just how dangerous the Doctor is you'll want him dead just as much as the Silence does."

"The Silence – a defunct religious order whose core belief – that silence will fall when the question is asked – was proven to be based on an inaccurate translation of the First Prophesy of Reason."

The full name immediately piqued the Doctor's interest and a feeling of impending enlightenment descended upon him, and not in the direction of his prior suspicions.

"Defunct?" Kovarian motioned to her clerics and the tall forms of the Silence behind them. "I assure you our order is alive and well."

"In this time, yes," the Leader agreed. "The strength of the Silence will be fleeting."

"Oh I see," Kovarian sneered, "you're from the future. That must be why we've never heard of you."

"You are mistaken about this as well. We have existed since the beginning. Now and for millennia to come we are known as the Kelad. Before that we were known as Time Lords of Gallifrey."

"What?" The Doctor exclaimed while inside a stab of alarm or excitement or a strange mix of both shot through him. "You _can't_ be Time Lords. I'd know! Besides, Gallifrey is gone, now and in the future – at _my_ hand."

"The Doctor – chosen to activate The Moment, effectively destroying Gallifrey and forever locking the planet so that at no point in time could anyone undo what was done," the Leader recited. "With no warning of what was to come, none could escape. None but those, with foreknowledge granted by the One, already long free of Gallifrey's influence or its detection."

"I don't understand," the Doctor protested. "Are you saying that one of the Time Lords escaped the planet before it was locked and was somehow able to get more of you out? Because again, I'd _know_. In all my travels I've only come across one other Time Lord who managed to survive."

"The Master," the Leader acknowledged. "We are aware of his actions, and his end. We also know that he was hidden from you for some time."

"While your little reunion is all very interesting, it doesn't change anything," Kovarian reminded them that she was there, and still intent on convincing the Kelad to side with the Silence. Her plans had taken a hit now that it appeared the Doctor had real allies on the field on battle, but she wasn't giving up. "The Doctor must die, here and now, before it's too late."

"The Doctor will live. He will hear the question and he will answer. The question the Kelad were always meant to ask." The Leader was all calmness and certainty as he faced his adversary.

Kovarian stiffened.

"That's right," the Doctor smiled, forced to push aside the multitude of questions he wanted to ask the Leader as he shifted to refocus on his nemesis. "Did it never occur to you to wonder who exactly it was that was going to ask this unanswerable question? Not you, and certainly not me since I didn't even want to be here in the first place. It's them. It was always them. They're just a lot better than we are at keeping themselves under the radar."

"Very well," Kovarian must have realised a peaceful solution wasn't on the cards anymore. "If it's a fight you want, the Silence will deliver!"

She stepped back, the clerics moving forward to take her position as the first line of attack, their weapons raised, ready. The Silence started swaying from side to side behind them, that eerie noise they made beginning to sound out. Electricity like energy formed around their hands, the first wave of attack bursting forth with no further warning and striking the nearest Kelad soldiers.

Around each, the energy bolts struck the Kelad protective barriers visibly, the field lighting up with overlapping domes of light. When the dust cleared, the Kelad remained untouched, no visible signs of damage. Their response was swift – the air shimmering around each and then rushing forward, like heat off a sidewalk. When it reached the advance line of clerics, each froze, their expressions shifting to agonising pain. There was no time for screams – a moment later each fell to the ground and didn't move again.

The Silence did their moaning screaming sounds in protest, sending forth another round of energy bolts. This time the Kelad directed their retaliation directly at the taller forms of the Silence. The Doctor watched, sure his alien nemesis would be much harder to take down than the human soldiers. That shimmering heat wave struck the nearest minion and an ear splitting high pitched scream emerged. The Silence jerked back and forth as if trying to break free. It took longer but the end result was the same – the minion falling to the grass, unmoving.

After that it was a free for all, heat waves rushing forth as soldiers ran to take cover where none existed. The Kelad held their ground, tracking their foe as it rapidly spread out around them. The weapons might be advanced but the fight was barbaric in all other respects and the Doctor felt dismay and revulsion rise from deep within, made worse because the battle was being promulgated by those whose origins were as his own. It made him sick that at the core, each death could be attributed to his own continuing existence.

"The Doctor," Kovarian shouted. "Kill the Doctor and this ends!"

Perhaps that was the way. He'd dearly hate to give Madam Kovarian what she wanted but it had to be considered as an option.

"No," River warned him, her armoured hand falling heavily on to his shoulder, holding him in place as effectively as if she'd handcuffed him to a pole.

"It has to be considered," he said urgently, frustrated by her interference. "What if I die in the usual way?"

"You'll regenerate," River replied.

"Only if I let it happen," the Doctor reminded her. "I can choose not to."

"Can you?" River challenged. "That's not your regeneration energy my love, it's mine. You might be able to call it forth at will, but I don't think you'll find it as easy to control as your own would have been. It's not like I had any real idea what I was doing back in Berlin."

"What are you saying?"

"I was focussed on making sure you wouldn't die, determined that you _couldn't_ ," River explained. "As I recall my intentions were pretty adamant on the point."

"And you think that means I won't be able to choose," the Doctor concluded. His eyes narrowed as he considered her words. Regeneration was a tricky business and he admitted that she could be right. If he couldn't stop if from starting there was little chance he'd be able to halt it, only redirect it as he'd done once before. With no handy receptacle to receive it, he'd put everyone around him in danger. The results were too unpredictable for him to risk it.

"It's something to think about," River replied.

"Then what do you suggest?" he demanded. "Look around us River – we're in the middle of a war zone, an out of control battle, and the last time I checked neither of us had any kind of weapon! Do you really think we can escape this, let alone find a way to end it as it _must_ be ended?"

"I don't know!" River shouted. "I just can't let you sacrifice yourself … I _can't_ , not after everything we've been through to prevent it. I'm sorry."

The Silence were outgunned in a one on one battle with the Kelad, but they were intelligent and powerful individually against most foe. Collectively, their strength was enough to push the Kelad back. The Doctor felt like he'd been sucked into a spiralling tornado; he was trying to keep track of what was going on around him but there was 360 degrees of action taking place and it was impossible even for him to see it all at once.

The ground shook when one of the Kelad fell, victim of a concerted effort by a large group of Silence, all directing their resources at one individual.

The soldiers on either side immediately closed ranks, renewing their defences and redirecting their offensive strike. The group of Silence minions responsible were hit at once, all shrieking and moaning before falling as one to the ground.

It was brutal and disturbing. The Doctor just wanted it all to stop but for the first time he didn't have any idea what to do.

"River," he pleaded. "This is criminal. We have to do something."

"Wait," River urged, her greater height giving her an edge. "Something's happening."

The Doctor tried to see through the armoured figures surrounding him. When he did he swallowed, grimacing. He'd hoped for a retreat but that wasn't to be. The field was littered with the bodies of clerics and Silence alike, equal now in their defeat. Only one remained, seemingly standing guard beside Madam Kovarian who's somehow survived the battle.

" _Don't do it_ ," the Doctor whispered, sure he knew what was going to happen next.

Kovarian raised her wrist and spoke rapidly. The fleet of ships that had dropped them off reappeared, this time firing rapidly at the Kelad. It was like one of those old Westerns he's always liked … bullet like projectiles pinging off the ground as they headed for their target.

Before they could reach the Doctor, a wave of shimmering heat burst forth from the sky, passing through the fleet, reminding them all that the Kelad had a presence in space above the planet was well. It was like the Silence ships all hit an invisible brick wall – all stopping abruptly in the air and then falling straight to earth. The explosion was fierce, pillars of fire and black smoke rising up.

"Stop this!" The Doctor yelled, his senses offended by the destruction where less than an hour ago the field had been the personification of natural beauty. "Can't you see that it's too late? You're already beaten! Please, don't throw away more lives," he begged.

"Compassion, from the Doctor," Kovarian called, with a chuckle. "How novel."

"Madam Kovarian," River pushed through the Kelad until she was standing at the front of their group.

"No," the Doctor said, trying to break through to get to River.

"River Song?" Kovarian moved forward, her eyes narrowed as something in the way River addressed her gave away her identity. "Is that you?"

"Yes," River confirmed, despite the Doctor's protests.

"Well, well," Kovarian laughed. "I don't know whether to congratulate you or commiserate. You really aren't looking your best my dear."

"How many more will you sacrifice?" River ignored the taunts.

"As many as it takes," Kovarian replied. She shook her head. "He must be stopped."

"And you're that sure that you're right, that these soldiers from another time who clearly have technology well in advance of yours, are wrong?"

"They're fanatics River," the Doctor muttered grimly. "You won't convince them."

"We will wipe the Silence from existence if you persist in this folly," the Leader warned, backing up River's approach.

Kovarian was silent and then she nodded. "Very well," she said abruptly.

The Silence minion beside her lowered his hands, the blue energy around his hands subsiding.

"What, just like that?" the Doctor asked incredulously.

"How typical," Kovarian drawled. "You beg for our surrender and when we give it you're still not happy."

"I just didn't expect you to give in so easily."

"What other choice did you leave us?" Kovarian demanded. "We can't stop the Kelad but you can Doctor. History will cast you as the destroyer of everything unless you stop it. Don't be a pawn!"

"Doctor," the Leader broke in. "The time draws near. We feel it."

"Right, so this is it then," he tried for a light, casual tone. "The Fall of the Eleventh."


	23. "If I ask it, will you answer?"

_"Actuality is when the lighthouse is dark between flashes: it is the instant between the ticks of the watch: it is a void interval slipping forever through time: the rupture between past and future: the gap at the poles of the revolving magnetic field, infinitesimally small but ultimately real. It is the interchronic pause when nothing is happening. It is the void between events." ― George Kubler_

The Doctor swallowed nervously, resisting the urge to close his eyes and brace himself. "Time to say my goodbyes, is it?" he quipped.

"Doctor," River protested, but there was nothing to do, no enemy to throw oneself against.

"I don't know what's going to happen next River, but I want your promise that you'll stay out of it," he told her firmly.

"We will ensure the safety of your wife," the Leader promised.

"No," River surged forward and was immediately restrained. Armour grated against armour as she struggled to break free, to no effect.

"I'm sorry River, for so many things, but for none more than that you have to witness this," the Doctor said gently.

"How romantic," Kovarian sneered.

"Shut up!" the Doctor and River both shouted together.

The Doctor turned back to River and sighed. "I wish I could see your face," he admitted. "If I could kiss you goodbye, you know I'd make it a good one."

"I know," River's voice was choked with emotion, his words special to them both for the memories they invoked. It was amazing that he's so quickly learned to filter past the modulation of the suit so that he could hear what was underneath. Maybe it was just his mind, substituting the artificial for what he imagined would be the reality if River were fully there with him.

"The cycle changes!" the Leader declared. As one the Kelad raised their arms to the sky in tribute, a low hum sounding from them as they gave praise for the rare event and all that it promised them.

In the tall grass, one of the Silence stirred, raising its broken body from the ground just enough to fire one blast of blue destruction before it fell back, dead.

The bolt of energy snuck past the Kelad and struck the Doctor with force. He was thrown backwards, hitting the ground with a sickening thud.

"Doctor!" River's metallic voice grated like a scream while Madam Kovarian laughed in the background.

The Doctor lay there gazing up at the sky while pain raged through his body. He'd felt it too many times in the past not to recognise the signs. This body was dying. There was no way to stop it.

"Well, it looks like the Silence wins after all," he whispered when the Leader knelt beside him.

"All is not lost," the Leader replied. "If I ask it, will you answer?"

He was being given a choice ... even without the benefit of being able to search the Leader's expression for the truth, the Doctor knew the decision was completely and wholly his. If he refused, that would be the end of it. Maybe that was why, but suddenly he understood. He knew what to do, what was _right_. Nodding, he agreed. "I will."

"Then tell me Doctor, what is your true name, the one bestowed on you by the Loom at the time of your weaving?"

Regeneration energy began to spark along the Doctor's limbs, and his face was cast in yellow light. Out of view he could hear River crying, although how could that be? Could someone mostly machine cry?

"Doctor?" the Leader intoned, urging him to focus.

There was no time to protect himself – and in his current state no way he could achieve any kind of mental link in any case. Motioning the Leader to lean closer, the Doctor whispered his answer before closing his eyes.

He wasn't sure what he expected but it wasn't to open them again and find himself standing in another place. It was Gallifrey and he knew immediately that he was in a moment of time frozen, that his perception was coming from within his own mind.

Before him the mists swirled, and as he watched they coalesced into a humanoid form who walked forward from the vapours, gaining in solidity as it approached. It was a man, the same man he'd seen the day he'd gazed into the vortex for the first time, the day he'd become a Time Lord in training. Then he'd been a boy who thought the man looked wise and kind and wondered if perhaps it was his older self.

_Yes_

The word whispered through his consciousness.

_The man you saw was both you and not, just as it was me and not me, simultaneously._

"As I recall, I thought you looked old as well," the Doctor commented.

Laughter sounded in his mind and all around him. "And now?" the man asked aloud.

"Oh, I think you're about right," the Doctor quipped, aware that the man was in all likelihood younger than he was, at this point in their respective timelines. He seemed both young and old though, was around the Doctor's own height and had similar colouring. In fact, they shared a likeness of appearance that only served to confirm what the Doctor had always known.

"It is the nature of the young to perceive their elders to be much older than they," the man offered.

"I suppose so," the Doctor agreed.

"Do you know who I am?"

"The Other, one of the Triumvirate who birthed the Time Lords," the Doctor replied simply.

"You are not surprised," the Other commented.

"The signs were there, they have been for a long time," the Doctor shrugged. "I have so many questions but I suppose they don't really matter anymore."

"If they are important to you, then they matter," the Other countered. "Ask your questions my friend."

"Is that what I am, your friend?

"Search your subconscious and you will see that we know each other very well," the Other smiled. "I have been with you for over a thousand years."

"Really?" the Doctor winced, his thoughts rapidly glossing over so many moments he would rather have kept private. "That's more than a little disturbing."

"You have nothing to apologise for," the Other said gently, "and if you search within yourself you will see that this knowledge goes both ways. In truth I could not have wished for a better man to go forth and do what I could not."

"But you did, go forth that is," the Doctor countered. "You're me, or I'm you, or … you know what I mean. How did you do it? How did you control the Loom so completely?"

"To answer I'll have to tell you the story of how the Time Lords came to be, how I saw it," the Other replied. "Rassilon, Omega and I were friends as boys, and to a man we were determined to fight Pythia, to free our people from her cult. It united us and created what I thought was an unbreakable bond. Omega was the best of us … brilliant. He understood the universe as no living being ever has or ever will. It was he who first saw that our way forward was through technology, through gaining an unmatchable understanding of time and space."

"And you and Rassilon agreed?" the Doctor asked.

"We did. Rassilon in particular encouraged Omega in his study of stellar engineering. When Omega succeeded in creating a remote stellar manipulator it was Rassilon who encouraged him to use it, despite my attempts to urge caution. Omega let himself be led by Rassilon – even though he was the expert, Rassilon was persuasive enough that he convinced Omega they could create a supernova powerful enough to fuel time travel without either of them being adversely affected."

"But instead they were ... and Omega perished," the Doctor offered. "I've seen the book - the true history of Gallifrey. It suggests that something happened that day; that the legends aren't accurate."

"Something happened all right," the Other said harshly, "and it was no accident. I refused to be a part of the experiment. It was too dangerous. We weren't ready. Rassilon agreed to wait, to let Omega do more tests before we proceeded. As soon as my back was turned he went against our agreement and helped Omega activate the manipulator. It was successful beyond our wildest expectations and at first they had control of it. I knew something wasn't right – Rassilon had agreed too easily – but it took me too long to suspect, too long to return to Omega's lab. When I did I was just in time to witness what happened next."

"Rassilon betrayed Omega," the Doctor knew it was true because a part of him had witnessed it too, the part that was the Other that existed within. He felt the knowledge sitting there, at the core of him.

"It needed both of them to control it but once the supernova was sufficiently formed to maintain itself Rassilon withdrew, giving Omega no prior warning of his intentions. With so much power directed solely at him Omega couldn't contain it and instead it consumed him."

The Doctor felt the Other's grief for his lost friend as though it were his own, and fresh like it had happened only moments before. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"I'm sorry I left instead of sticking around … I could have saved Omega," the Other's voice was hoarse with emotion. "Rassilon didn't know I was there and I knew I couldn't reveal myself. Instead I retreated and I bided my time. I stood on the sidelines as the supernova collapsed into a black hole; I let Rassilon harness it to create the Eye of Harmony."

"And the Time Lords were born," the Doctor concluded.

"They were, with Rassilon as their ruler," the Other confirmed. "At first my doubts seemed unjustified. Rassilon worked hard to free us from Pythia's influence just as we'd always dreamed – he did improve life for every Gallifreyan. It was only after, when the hard work was done, that he began to impose more and more restrictions on what we could do and how it should be done. He became more and more the dictator and less the people's representative, and our society reflected too much his beliefs, his need for structure and secrecy. I couldn't live like that and I hated to see our people doing so but there was nothing I could do, not in direct opposition. Rassilon was too powerful and he'd surrounded himself with others who shared his beliefs. Getting to him was impossible, despite our childhood friendship."

"But you tried anyway."

"I had to, for Omega," the Other agreed. "All I succeeded in doing was raising Rassilon's suspicions. Something I said or perhaps just his instincts for self-preservation set him off. He questioned me about what I knew of the day the black hole was created and when I denied knowing anything he dismissed me. He stormed off and it was no coincidence that the next day he declared that time travel to Gallifrey's past was forbidden. It galled that he used Omega's manipulator to lock every TARDIS, ensuring no one would be able to break his decree."

"You think that's when he went back himself and discovered that you'd seen the whole thing," the Doctor said.

"It must have been," the Other replied. "Not only that but he travelled into the future too. He saw me revealing his crimes and he saw himself being made powerless across all of time. From that moment on I was no longer safe ... my continuing survival would be measured in days, the smallest number needed for Rassilon to devise a means of getting rid of me without drawing suspicion upon himself."

"And that's when you hatched your plans for today, for Trenzalore," the Doctor deduced, the cunning and the level of patience required to enact such a long ranging plan for retribution staggering him. "You created the prophesy to get me here to the only known point in time offering you the means to return. The Eleventh Cycle ... the Eleventh Doctor – a naturally occurring event that others couldn't fail to link to me. Of course, that wasn't enough. You had to make sure someone would be around to get me here ... you needed someone to ask the question."

"I did," the Other denied nothing. "I needed someone to protect you too, should the prophesy be misinterpreted, spawning enemies to stop you."

"The Kelad," the Doctor declared. " _You_ created the Kelad. But ... how? _When_? Rassilon already had control of every TARDIS."

"He certainly thought so," the Other smiled, "but there was one I had developed a _special_ relationship with, one he hadn't yet succeeded in locking down completely."

The Doctor smiled too, knowing the Other was talking about _his_ TARDIS ... his sexy lady.

"In the days while Rassilon plotted my demise, she took me where and when I needed to go - far enough forward to escape the range of Rassilon's power," the Other explained. "I took a select group of fellow Time Lord's with me, those likeminded with regard to the unnatural level of control Rassilon continued to exert over Gallifrey. They created a new life, a new path, one designed to return Gallifrey to what it should be. I suggested a new name for them, one that would help to hide them should Rassilon think to search so far into the future for threats to his rule."

"You chose not to stay with them?"

"I couldn't," the Other shook his head. "Rassilon needed the visible defeat. He needed to see me perish to feel safe in the execution of his future plans. If there had been any doubt he would have searched for me without rest."

"That's why you needed me," the Doctor realised.

The Other nodded. "The Kelad lived a secular life, too secular as it turns out. I set them on the path but I couldn't be there to guide them. They maintained their connection to time and space, improved their technology and regained their ability to move through time at will, but they used those abilities for reflection. They became obsessed with the meaning and purpose of life, putting aside their original mission."

"So many thousands of years is a long time to wait to act," the Doctor pointed out.

"Far too long as it turns out," the Other agreed. "They became convinced a different level of existence was the way - they enacted The Final Sanction, or at least a small scale version of it, believing it to be the natural final step on their evolutionary path. They became ...," he trailed off with a sad sigh.

"Pure consciousness," the Doctor finished for him, everything making sense. "That's part of why I couldn't sense them – because on many levels they aren't really there. They use the suits of armour because they no longer have a physical presence. That's why they were able to deal so well with River – because she'd like them.” He frowned. “They didn't know of the Time War?" he asked.

"No, and neither did Rassilon, else he would have destroyed you too, long before you could set off The Moment and ruin everything for him," the Other replied.

The Doctor wanted to ask if the Other had foreknowledge of the ultimate fate of Gallifrey – if so, would that have altered the path he’d chosen? Would he have put saving Gallifrey ahead of bringing Rassilon to justice? There was no point in asking though – regardless of his plan, what was done was done and could not be undone. Perhaps the Other had a means of returning to Gallifrey’s past to get at Rassilon but he would not be able to change her future. “What I don't understand is why they thought it necessary,” he said instead. “Don't they have more power as non-corporeal beings?"

"Not really. Being nothing more than a collection of thoughts and memories isn't what it's cracked up to be. Yes, it puts you beyond death and destruction by others, but that comes at a price, because it forever places an insurmountable barrier between you and everyone not like you. To engage, to truly feel, to be a part of the world around you ... all these require physical form but they no longer had that."

"Rassilon wanted the same, for all of Gallifrey," the Doctor said. "It's just as well I wasn't the only one to see how wrong it would have been."

"It didn't take the Kelad very long to regret the path they'd chosen but it was too late for them – there is no end once the sanction had been imposed. It's the ultimate time lock - while the Kelad eventually achieved a state that allows them to take advantage of time travel again, they can't go back and undo their decision."

The Other paused for a moment, and then continued. "Their only saving grace was the sub-society that grew with them, non Time Lords engaged to do the things they didn't have time for. They were called Kelad too and eventually the Gallifreyans managed to make contact again. It took many years to get to the point where the human Kelad could help their non-corporeal friends reclaim use of the ships and technology, and that was only through the suits. Scientists spent thousands of years trying to recreate a physical form before they finally conceded that it wasn't possible. That's when they decided to focus on their original mission once more."

" _Wait_ ," a thought suddenly occurred to the Doctor. "How do you know all this? You've been gone since long before any of this took place."

"Ah, yes," the Other smiled. "The day before my ... 'interaction' with the Loom, the Leader came to me. And before you comment, I _know_ \- the potential for paradox was incredible ... a future being travelling to the past when the events leading to his creation were still uncertain."

"Then why risk it?"

"Because he needed to warn us," the Other offered. "It was no accident that you weren't alone in your beliefs about the Final Sanction. I knew there wasn't much time left and the Leader insisted that I use it to ensure their choices wouldn't be replicated on Gallifrey. _Their_ hope of undoing what they'd become lay in following the plan to ensure it never happened in the first place."

"And they believe that will occur if Rassilon is exposed because time will be in flux – it will be up to us, well, up to you because I'll be gone, to decide what stays and what goes."

"There will be a small window linking back through the Loom where I'll be able to both reveal his crimes and minimise the consequences of Rassilon's exposure," the Other agreed. "I've had a long time to plan exactly what needs to be done and exactly when and how to do it. Rest assured, life as creation knows it will not change significantly."

"All you need is a body of your own and a time machine and you're all set," the Doctor quipped.

"That was the idea, when I decided on this path," the Other shook his head. "Rassilon thought me weak – to throw myself into the Loom in a last act of defiance was pathetic as far as he was concerned. He's smart, there's no doubt about that, but he's no Omega. I planted myself in the Loom and I waited until it was the right time to re-emerge, holding back my genetic material until I could be weaved into a single individual. Like I said, I've been with you a very long time and I find now, when it's crunch time, I don't want to lose you."

"There's no choice," the Doctor said simply. "As we speak my body is dying. Regeneration energy is building up and if you don't take control of it to emerge as my twelfth incarnation, there won't be another chance. Another fields of Trenzalore, when the twelfth cycle transitions from consolidation back into renewal … it's eons away. I won't survive that long – we none of us have infinite regenerations."

"No," the Other agreed, "but there are always ways to cheat fate."

"Are there?" the Doctor felt a wave of anger flowing through him as the full extent of what the Other had accomplished ... and what he'd done to do so settled in his mind. "And did it matter, the innocent lives you derailed to make your master plan a reality?"

"You mean River," the Other acknowledged.

" _Yes_!" the Doctor all but growled. "I could have saved her that day but you intervened, didn't you? Somewhere deep inside my mind you took away every other option until all that was left was to contain her consciousness inside my screwdriver. You know, I wondered why – _why_ did I choose that option when so many others would have led to River still being alive. Now I know – _I_ didn't choose. You did!"

"I did," the Other said without remorse. "There was nothing else that would convince you to follow where I needed you to go, no one else you would risk the destruction of all life itself for. In any other form it would have been too easy for the Silence to get to River first. As pure consciousness she was protected. I know what she means to you – I've _felt_ what you feel for her. I'm sorry, but I had no choice but to use those feelings. It was the only way to get you here."

"You're sorry," the Doctor turned away, struggling to contain his emotions, even in this non-existent world they occupied. "When I think of everything River went through, everything Amy and Rory suffered, all for the sake of your revenge … suddenly I'm finding it very hard to be generous."

"Not revenge - _justice_!" the Other exclaimed. "She would have perished," he argued. "Not in the Library, but later, at the hands of Madam Kovarian. She was too vulnerable. You would have saved her only to lose her later, with no hope of ever getting her back."

"And that's different from now, how exactly?" the Doctor questioned sarcastically.

"All that makes River who she is still exists," the Other reminded him, urging him to feel hope.

"Yes, but within a pretend world. If I wasn't already dying River would kill me herself for condemning her back to that again, for eternity this time." The Doctor frowned. "Besides, if your plan works River won't survive. No Kelad - no suit of armour."

"True, and yet, maybe not," the Other said, hesitating before continuing. "I do have one idea but it's risky ... very risky. I think I can make it happen though, with your agreement."

"Tell me," the Doctor urged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've relied heavily on the Doctor Who wiki for this chapter but I've also gone AU on some of the details of old Doctor Who to serve the story so if you know old Doctor Who really well and see things that look 'wrong' that would be why. Although I didn't deliberately set out to incorporate this, at the back of my mind elements from Mass Effect, Star Trek: TNG (the Sherlock Holmes/Morriarty last episode) and a couple of episodes of Stargate Atlantis (the Asgard ones) must have been lurking to inspire me, kind of influencing some of the elements in this story.
> 
> Only a couple more chapters to go now ... thanks for reading.


	24. Time to confront fate and say "Hello"

_"If you are renewed by grace, and were to meet your old self, I am sure you would be very anxious to get out of his company." ― Charles H. Spurgeon_

Once the Other explained his plan the Doctor was flabbergasted. It was interesting of course, brilliant too in its formation, but it didn't involve just him. There was a risk it wouldn't work either, a _big_ risk, but almost at once the Doctor decided he wanted to try. He had questions and comments the two men discussed at length before the Doctor was satisfied.

"Okay, do it," he said decisively.

"You're sure?" the Other asked. "It's probably going to hurt and she'll be more than a little angry with you – with me too. Not looking forward to that, I have to say."

"It you do it right I'll be the one copping the flak," the Doctor pointed out. "And yes, to answer your question, I'm sure."

"Very well," the Other agreed.

"There's just one thing, before we do this," the Doctor said.

"Just the one?" the Other smiled. "What is it?"

"The Kelad? Seriously, you couldn't think of a better name than that?"

"You don't like it?" the Other laughed. "I thought it was quite clever myself – Dalek spelt backwards. I was hoping it would raise suspicion about who they really were, but in the wrong direction. If you'd known they were Gallifreyan at the start you would have dug your heels in and not gone along because you would know there was no way they'd hurt you or River. No amount of subconscious pushing from me would have gotten you here."

"True," the Doctor allowed, "and I did think for a time that they were a future version of the Daleks, what with the armour and the uniformity and all that true path nonsense. That would have been a whole new world of trouble, which of course you knew I'd not be able to ignore."

"It served its purpose then," the Other smiled. "No more delays … well, we can delay as long as we like I suppose, but I'm sure you're anxious to get back to your wife, who, if I haven't already said, is one hell of a woman."

"I'm sure that once she'd forgiven us both she'll appreciate your approval," the Doctor said sarcastically. He stopped, suddenly serious. "You'll take care of her, if this doesn't work completely as intended?" It was all well and good taking a cavalier approach as though the deal was done, and done successfully, but there were real and serious risks in what the Other proposed, with even more serious consequences. In moments the Doctor could literally cease to exist ... the only thought that offered comfort and held back imminent panic was that River wouldn't share the same fate, that the Other would make her continuing existence as fulfilling as possible.

"You have my word my friend," the Other promised. "I'll look after _both_ of you, for as long as it's needed."

The Doctor nodded, relieved. On the one hand he barely knew the man before him but for what counted, his knowledge was intimate ... the Other was as loyal and true a friend as there had ever been. He'd committed lifetimes to avenging Omega and the Doctor knew he would do the same for him. Thankfully the commitments they were making didn't require anything quite that extreme.

"Oh, and no changing my name," the Doctor added. "That's my regeneration you're hijacking – you let go of the Other and become the Doctor. I'm not as well-known as I used to be but it'll smooth the way for you with the people who can help you the most. Don't be too proud to ask for that help either ... take it from me, it’s a lonely life without companions, especially for a madman with a box."

"Agreed," the Other said. "'The Other' belongs in the myths of Gallifrey's past. There's no place for him out in the real world. As for the rest of it, I've been isolated for far too long already ... I'm looking forward to some actual, real, conversation."  
"My subconscious not entertaining enough for you?" the Doctor quipped.

"Too entertaining, if truth be known," the Other retorted. "Seriously, you never saw the allure of just putting your feet up for a few weeks?"

"In theory, perhaps," the Doctor chuckled as he continued, "but the universe always seemed to have other ideas. Perhaps you'll have better luck with that than I ever did."

"I certainly plan to give it my best shot," the Other agreed.

"Good," the Doctor nodded. "I'd appreciate it if you'd go and see the in-laws too. Amy and Rory deserve to know what happened. I can't disappear and never return, not with them. Tell them everything – no lying or pretending I'm still around, okay. I don't want unfinished business to weigh them down."

"I'll pay them a visit," the Other agreed. "It might smooth the way a bit with River too, once she's calmed down enough to listen, if you can tell her I'm taking care of her parents too."

"It might," the Doctor nodded, even though that hadn't been his reason for requesting the favour. 

Well, that was as much delaying as even he was capable of. It was time to proceed - time to confront fate and say "Hello" ... hopefully not following it just as quickly with "Goodbye"! Shaking off those less than positive reflections, the Doctor held out a hand and shook the Other's firmly when it was offered. "Good luck," he said.

"You too," the Other replied.

The Doctor closed his eyes. "I'm ready," he announced.

His perceptions shifted and he was back on the ground, under the blue sky of Trenzalore, with the sounds of River struggling to break away from the Kelad soldiers holding her in the background. He'd spent hours in that space between moments but no time had passed. The pain was intense, the poisonous energy of the Silence working its way through his entire body, killing cells as it spread. He groaned, writhing and twitching.

"River," he called out, his voice begging the Kelad to let his wife approach. " _River!_ "

"Doctor. I'm here," River dropped down beside him with a metallic clunk. "Don't fight it," she pleaded. "Let the regeneration happen."

"I'm … trying," he got out weakly. He looked at her and imagined it was her face he was seeing, her blue eyes smiling down at him, her wild mess of hair shifting in the breeze. "Forgive me," he said.

"Of course I forgive you," River exclaimed. "It's hardly your fault you got shot."

"Not … for … that," his voice was weaker now. "Hurts," he whispered.

"I know, my love, but it will be over soon," River promised.

"Need … you to … get back ... now," he was barely audible now. River knew how it worked, how dangerous the last powerful burst of regeneration energy could be in the final stages. She got up.

"Everybody move back," she urged, putting her arms out as she herded the Kelad out of the way.

The Doctor cried out. Bright golden life force burst forth, from his hands and feet, and from his open mouth. He screamed and screamed as it went on and on for far longer than a normal regeneration would, until suddenly it stopped, like a light being switched off.

When it did, a new face wasn't the only, and by no means the most dramatic change that had taken place. Madam Kovarian was still present with her lone remaining Silence minion, but the waste and destruction of the field had been wiped clean. The Kelad had disappeared, all of them, just gone as if they'd never existed. River was gone too but where she'd been standing was a small blue cube, about a half a meter each direction. There was a blue glow coming from within, and if you looked closely you could see circuits inside where it flowed like blood in a living being. On the outside were etched symbols – circles and lines and other markings that only one person alive would be able to read.

In the distance a blue police box stood, waiting.

Panting, the man slowly got up from the ground, dusting off his tweed jacket and pants. He was tall and lean, like the eleventh doctor had been, and a much closer match than any previous incarnations. It was almost as if they shared a family resemblance, like they were brothers, or father and son, or other close relatives.

"Hands, fingers, all accounted for," he commented, doing a visual and sensory inventory. "Hair, yes, and plenty of it. That's a relief. Other body parts?" He glanced down at himself. "Not bad, if I do say so myself, although the tweed has to go. The bow tie too. I'm sorry Eleven, but bow ties are definitely _not_ cool."

His hazel eyes sparkled with life and a few wisps of yellow energy seemed to hover in the air, surrounding him as though reluctant to part ways. The breeze wafted through his brown hair, stirring the long strands so that they brushed the collar of his jacket and fell forward to obstruct his vision. He brushed them back with long, slender fingers ... his movements creating an impression of capability. In fact, everything about him suggested that there wouldn't be much he couldn't achieve if he put his mind to it. "Yes, a haircut, definitely," he muttered, brushing the offending strands back again, "a shower - _hot water_ , how long have I been without that?! - and a change of clothes. I wonder what he left me – must go and check."

He spun around, clearly looking for something. When he saw the cube on the ground he gave a satisfied nod. "Thank God," he exclaimed, bending down to pick it up, running his hands over it and cocking his head as if listening for something. After a moment he smiled, nodding in satisfaction. "You know, I really wasn't all that sure the plan would work."

"Excuse me," Madam Kovarian interrupted imperiously. "Who _are_ you?"

"Why, I'm the Doctor of course," the man smiled. "I'm the Doctor and you're Madam Kovarian and your reason for being here is finished. Look around – the fields of Trenzalore. The Eleventh has fallen, the question has been answered, and what do you know, we're all still here. It looks like you were wrong after all. Silence did fall but it never meant what you thought." He narrowed his eyes as he looked at her intently.

He couldn't start the twelfth incarnation of the Doctor with an attack on an unarmed woman – could he? No, no, much as it pained him, there was no other recourse but to let her go. With a sigh he settled for giving her a disgusted and hopefully menacing look instead. "I'd suggest you go and find another occupation because you're out of business in this one. And be warned, make it as small and as insignificant as you can because if I ever come across you again, you won't walk away."

He turned his back to her creating exactly the right impression - she was of so little consequence he’d already forgotten her – certainly time was precious enough that wasting any of it on one such as her would be criminal. 

Walking briskly, the cube clutched protectively under his arm, he continued. "Right, where was I? Oh yes, hair and wardrobe first and then something to eat. I'd forgotten how draining a regeneration is. Custard … yes, that's definitely still my favourite … I think."

So saying, the man took off in the direction of the TARDIS, his long legs eating up the distance quickly. When he got close he snapped his fingers and the door swung open, closing only after he'd disappeared inside.


	25. What did you do?

_"Your life and my life flow into each other as wave flows into wave, and unless there is peace and joy and freedom for you, there can be no real peace or joy or freedom for me. To see reality – not as we expect it to be but as it is – is to see that unless we live for each other and in and through each other, we do not really live very satisfactorily; that there can really be life only where there really is, in just this sense, love." – Frederick Buechner, The Magnificent Defeat_

River opened her eyes and let out a groan when she saw where she was. The white room, with the single table and chair. " _No_ , not back here," she moaned.

"What's wrong with here?" another voice queried. "Alright, maybe it's a little … bright, but it really is very peaceful, something I think we could both do with a little of after the week we've had."

River turned slowly, her eyes widening when she was him. The Doctor, in his tweed jacket and bow tie, with a grin on his familiar face. "How?" she whispered incredulously.

"That's a long story," he replied. "Do you want the short version or the long version?"

"Doctor" she said warningly.

"Right, the short version," he deduced. "Oh, and I'd prefer it if you call me Theta from now on. As of moments ago, the title of the Doctor belongs to someone else."

"Theta?" River rubbed a hand over her brow as if his words were hurting her head. Considering the complete unexpectedness of his presence and the incongruity of their situation, maybe they were.

"A nickname of sorts, a truncation of my full name," he offered with a shrug. "I used to be quite fond of it as a boy and I'm sure I'll get used to it again."

"Fine. _Theta_ ," she said with exaggerated patience. "Where are we?"

"Where are we in actuality or just a more general sort of where are we?" he queried, "because they aren't the same thing."

"Both!" she shot back impatiently.

The Doctor – " _no, Theta_ ," he reminded himself – bit back a sigh. She was as angry as he'd expected and he could hardly blame her. She was glaring at him, tapping her foot pointedly, clearly _not_ open to being charmed just yet.

"Right, both," he tried for a smile that felt lame even to him. "We are at this point pure consciousness contained within the Third Power - a self-perpetuating energy modulated storage device from a distant future that will never exist; I believe said device is now sitting on a shelf in the TARDIS. As to where here is, wherever we want really, once you're done yelling at me and we decide together what we want it to look like."

" _What did you do!?_ " she shouted, folding her arms over her chest and glaring at him even harder.

"Nothing!" he protested. "Well, I agreed to this of course, but otherwise, none of it was my doing. It was him, the Other, now the Doctor."

"But you regenerated. I saw it happen ... didn't I?"

"I did regenerate, yes, in a manner of speaking, although, now that I come to think of it, not really. No, to be completely accurate, I died and he took my place."

"Who is he? And before you answer, start making sense," River warned. "I have far more experience with this kind of existence and I can make things very hard for you before you catch up."

"Fine," Theta said, pouting just a bit. "He is the Other, the last of the Triumvirate, and you were right. When the weave created me it used his and only his genetic material. It was as we Gallifreyans have always feared – when the Leader, a true Gallifreyan transplanted into the future directly from the Other's own timeline, asked me for the name the Loom bestowed on me, because it was the moment when the cycles turned over, when the renewal energy was at its highest, I had to answer. I mean, I didn't try that hard to resist because I was too busy dying at the time but I don't think I could have. As soon as I said it I found myself within my own mind, talking to the Other. He'd been there all the time, my whole life, and he'd set it all up, the prophesy, the Kelad, even you being as you are, and that I would be born to carry on his fight against Rassilon."

"But Rassilon is gone, they all are," River protested.

"True and at the same time, not true, not when you see time as a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey ... stuff," Theta agreed. "Omega was the Other's friend, his _best_ friend. They grew up together and they plotted the fall of Pythia together, but when the time came, when Omega needed him most, the Other wasn't there. He didn't stop Rassilon from betraying Omega and he couldn't forgive himself for that. No amount of time, nothing that happened after they were all gone; the destruction of the planet, the planetary time lock – none of it was going to satisfy him because Rassilon got away with it. No one ever knew his true nature and the Other couldn't let that stand."

"But to manipulate everything in such an elaborate fashion," River pointed out. "I can't believe it."

"Well, it wasn't just to get his revenge," Theta allowed. "Rassilon went forwards and backwards and changed whatever he didn't like. He saw that the Other would reveal him so he took away any chance that anyone could go back to Gallifrey's past by locking out every TARDIS. All the Other had time for was to set up an opposing side, with me as his eventual spear head."

"So, he's going to go back and speak out now?" River asked. "Won't that create paradoxes all over the place?"

"He's already done it," Theta revealed. "That's why the regeneration took so long. The Other wasn't your average ordinary Time Lord, especially not after he threw himself into the Loom. While my regeneration was taking place he was able to use the energy to access the time vortex directly. He'd planned out every little step needed to time strip Rassilon of his powers and his rule over Gallifrey while maintaining everything else, including giving the Kelad what they most wanted _and_ bringing the both of us here. When he was done he was forced to complete the regeneration, taking my place. Really, quite clever and exceedingly devious – he's very, _very_ good."

"You let him replace you and you willingly agreed to this being our life from now on?" River accused, gesturing around them.

"I wondered when you were going to work that out," Theta commented casually. He was sure of what he'd decided – it was the only way and they'd work out how to make the most of it in time. "Yes, I let the Other replace me, and yes I gave my approval for the both of us to continue in this form."

"Even though the Kelad strived for years to undo their own very similar existence?" River continued evenly.

"Yes, even with that," Theta agreed. "You can yell at me, hit me, do whatever you need to but understand this. I won't regret it and I'd do it exactly the same if I could go back and be faced with the same choice."

" _But we're stuck here! YOU'RE stuck here!_ " River did shout then. "I thought I'd made it clear to you how inadequate this way of being is. How could you know that and still do this to me, to us?!"

"I did it _for_ us," Theta said forcefully. "You were the one who said we never caught a break. Well guess what honey? _This_ is our break, and it's the best one we're ever going to get."

"I hate you!" she stormed away, throwing open the door and striding away. A door opened on the opposite wall and River stormed in. Her expression froze when she saw him standing there.

"I have a little mental skill myself," he said almost casually, "and I can't let you manipulate our surroundings so you can avoid me, not until we've got some basic agreements in place and some rules for how this is all going to work." He grimaced with a mock shudder. "I _know_ – rules, and ones I actually intend to keep!"

River folded her arms, content to just glare at him some more.

"You would prefer me to have died?" he asked quietly.

"Right now, very much so, and me along with you," River returned.

He sighed, moving to sit at the table, resting his head in his hands. He could feel her watching him. If he waited long enough she'd notice other things, like the fact that they were sharing a highly advanced piece of technology that was connecting them in ways they'd never been connected before. Thankfully he was able to feel what she so stubbornly refused to let him see. When he'd reminded her that death had been his fate she'd felt a shaft of pain inside – she was using her anger to fuel the unfeeling façade she was presenting. She had yet to work out that there would be no protecting their emotions from each other, not anymore.

"You were that desperate not to let me go?" she finally asked in a calmer voice.

"You're beginning to understand how this is going to work; you already know how desperate," he replied. "Come and sit down," he urged, adding a "please," when she hesitated.

They sat in silence for a time, each lost in their own thoughts.

"We can't undo this?" River asked in a low voice.

"No, that moment is gone and there won't be another one," Theta replied. "Baring the total destruction of the TARDIS we're pretty much impervious to damage. Even then the Third Power might still survive."

"And we can't end it ourselves?"

"Nope – the failsafe is hard wired into the circuits. This is forever sweetie," he smiled, reaching over and lightly covering her hands with his. They both felt the shift of his energy to hers, an altered and heightened but still recognisable extension of the chemistry they'd always shared. "Is it really so bad?" he asked almost timidly. He actually felt nervous, waiting for her reply, aware that this was the most important and possibly the most messed up thing he'd ever done.

"No, I suppose not," River finally allowed. "I just don't think you fully understand all the limitations – you might regret this sooner than you think because it's frustrating being closed off from everything else, not knowing what's going on outside. It was for me and I can only imagine how much worse it will be for someone used to free access to information, past, present and future."

"Ah," he held up a finger, grinning. "You might not think I listen but I do. I registered all your objections, all the issues you had with Charlotte's world, and I discussed them with the Other at great length to ensure they were all dealt with. When I said we're on a shelf in the TARDIS, I should have added that we are in fact connected to some of her systems. We should be able to tap into them, for updates on what's going on out there. We won't be able to interact or influence anything but at least we'll know. As to your other objections, since most of them were around me not visiting you or trying very hard to save you, I hope my presence here cancels them out, especially now that you know how much the Other manipulated some of my actions."

"And the fact that it's not real, that nothing is here?" River asked quietly.

"Our system is far more sophisticated than Charlotte's was," Theta explained. "True, reality has taken on a different concept for us, but what we create will have substance within it and we're not constrained by the contents of a million books. We have the capacity for infinite growth really, and if we set ourselves up for an adventure I can guarantee that the ending won't already be written. Rather it will be as big a mystery as anything we experienced in the past. Any companions we bring to life to accompany us will have independence of action – we won't be controlling them once we set them in motion." He gave her an earnest look. "In time I hope we'll both forget that our reality isn't real in the same way it used to be, and just live together."

"You won't get bored of me?" River looked down at the table, her voice uncertain in a way he wasn't used to.

" _River_ ," Theta protested. "Woman, as if I could ever get sick of you! Don't you get it? I did all of this for _you_. I love you and personally I'm looking forward to spending eternity having adventures with you. I _was_ hoping that you felt the same … counting on it really. If you don't then this was a mistake on the hugest of scales."

"I feel the same," River finally admitted, her lips turning up at the edges finally. It wasn't much but Theta took it as a positive sign that she would forgive him.

"You're willing to try it, to live our lives here as we would have out there?"

"Yes, okay, we'll try," River allowed.

"Excellent," Theta jumped to his feet, grabbing her hands and pulling her up beside him. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her, his exuberance so infectious that she laughed when he couldn't resist spinning her around.

"First up we need to design our accommodations," he said, lowering her back to the floor but keeping his arms locked in place. "All this white is really starting to hurt my eyes."

"No, first we need to fix your appearance," River countered.

"What's wrong with it?" Theta reared back and glanced down at his familiar clothing. "I thought you liked this version of me."

"I do, very much," River agreed, "especially this face," she added, patting his cheek. "But what is that thing you're wearing on your head?" she asked with amusement in her voice.

Putting a hand to his head Theta frowned. His special shadow repelling hat, the one he'd put on back on the Library planet! His day had been even more taxing than he realised if he was wearing a hat and hadn't known it. In fact, he thought he'd taken it off ages ago. "It's my sun hat," he declared as though it had been a conscious choice to wear it now. "Like it?"

"It's hideous," River replied.

"I suppose it is," Theta agreed, taking it off and glancing down at it. "I'm surprised you didn't comment immediately, given your prejudice against my hats."

"You weren't wearing it before," River explained. "This is the first I've seen of it."

"I wasn't?" Theta's brow rose. "That's interesting. I wonder why I'm wearing it now?" He chuckled suddenly. "The Other … do you think this was his, admittedly poor, attempt at humour?"

"Perhaps. Either way, it has to go, the outfit too – it's the Doctor's and that isn't you anymore," River declared. "You're Theta and I think he would enjoy a change."

"Well …. It _is_ usual to revamp the image after regeneration," Theta allowed. "What about you then? I think I'd like the opportunity to help pick something out for you as well." River was imaged as she'd been when she'd been extracted from Charlotte's systems – there was nothing wrong with her outfit but getting her to try out various looks would be an interesting and arousing way to pass a few hours.

"Not on your life," she laughed, shaking her head. "You're the creature of habit who always wears the same thing. I'll be quite content with a wardrobe to choose from daily, like a normal person."

"Are you suggesting I'm not normal? Shame on you wife."

River laughed again. Slinging her arm around him she urged him to the door. "Come on," she said. "Time for me to have a little fun."

"This isn't payback is it?" he asked, following her out. A corridor emerged and they walked down it, still talking. The system was so sophisticated it could react and create what they needed seamlessly. They truly wouldn't notice that something not there was suddenly there. "I want to make it up to you River but there are certain things I refuse to wear, like pink, lederhosen, and anything made from Lycra."

"Hush now," River said. "I'm picturing you in hot pink tights."

"Please say you're joking," he pleaded as they entered a large walk in wardrobe full of lots of possible outfits.

"I'm joking," River laughed. "I'm the one that has to look at you my love. Trust me, okay."

"Always," he said immediately.

"And you don't have to make anything up to me," River added, more serious. "I had less than this before and I was alone – now I have you here with me and the freedom to create a new future. Thank you." She leaned up and kissed him.

"You're welcome," he replied, smiling. Pulling her closer he kissed her again. When he stepped back she was watching him quizzically. "Just checking that everything works as it should," he admitted.

"Oh, it's all working," River all but purred. Giving him one of those looks – the sexy River thinking sexy thoughts variety – she eyed him up and down intently. "But don't let me stop you from experimenting … just to make sure."

Theta flushed – he could actually feel the heat rising over his face. "That's just not right," he muttered, turning away. Pure consciousness and she could still embarrass him! Was there no justice in the world?

River laughed, putting a hand to his back and patting him comfortingly. "You'll be all right," she murmured.

"We both will," he promised, turning back to her and taking both her hands in his, bending to press a kiss to each. They stood, watching each other silently for a few moments before Theta snapped out of it.

Clapping his hands, he turned to the array of clothes before him. "Outfits," he declared. "I wonder if we have anything in denim … I've always wanted a denim jacket. What do you think?"

"We'll see," River replied with a fond smile.

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's the end of the story ... I have same vague thoughts about an epilogue but for now this one is done. Let me know what you thought!


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